8 years, 8 months, and 2 days. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst

My most dearest Shosh and Jaialai:

Life happens. It happens on its own terms, not yours. Regardless, do your best to prepare and do what you can do to make things better for yourselves and others within your little corner of the world. Leave the rest in God’s hands.

Live not like sheep that blindly follow others or ostriches with your heads stuck in sand. That serves no one but those who control the levers of power for own selfish ends. (Power corrupts.) Think for yourselves. Arm yourselves with knowledge so that you may think substantively and critically about things that truly matter in life … not the frivolous nonsense that occupy the vacuous and those easily influenced.

What’s the difference? An example of something of import and substance is Britney Spears succeeding in her solo 13-year legal battle against a cruel and invasive conservatorship that has forced her to take strong psychotropic medication to which she objects, forced her to work without breaks, and prevented her from marrying or having a baby in the name of “acting in her best interests” while syphoning off millions of her hard-earned income even though she is a grown woman who is of sufficient mental health to make music, collaborate with her crew to choreograph complicated dance moves and to perform at live shows for years. This is important because the situation teaches us something about our legal system, our society, and the state of those in it. On the other hand, who she dates or is engaged to is frivolous gossip once confined to yellow journalism, which elevates that which is sensational above facts. Don’t waste your time on useless and empty gossips. It’s unbecoming of well-raised gentlemen to trade in gossips about the lives of others.

Be prone to action. Live not tepid and timid lives.

Be prone to action, but never rush in unprepared. Fools rush in. Too many do that these days of information overload and garbage and conspiracies and half-baked ideas being readily and conveniently available at a click of a button. They forget that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. To approach life — which is full of charlatans and snake-oil salesmen in trendy outfits and polished manners — without being armed with knowledge is akin to bringing a toothpick to a gun fight.

Those pulling the levers of power will use every marketing theories and useful psychological hypothesis as well as the best science money can buy to deceive you, to plant ideas in your heads, and to lead you astray and down paths of their choosing. Thus, it behooves you to arm yourselves with knowledge about how the world works and how people deceive. Study psychology, philosophy, economics, history, political science, biology, chemistry, physics, and statistics as well as arts and letters, music, karate, fencing and other joyful pursuits. (Yes, I advocate for a liberal arts education over one limited to science, technology, engineering and math because the former teaches you how to think while the latter emphasizes technical skills which prepare you to serve as mere cogs in the machinery.)

Prepare yourselves to face a world full of beauty and challenges. You can neither appreciate nor overcome what you don’t understand. So extend your horizons and endeavor to learn as much as you can about this great and wonderful yet challenging life. Arm yourselves with knowledge and endeavor to learn something new everyday.

Do the best you can and don’t worry about not knowing everything. Such is an impossibility. But more importantly, when you are young, those pulling the levers of power will send their armies of young talking heads and influencers to sway you. Thus, strive to be among the most informed of your age group.

Below are some thoughts that you hopefully would find useful in your journey:

Find joy. Find beauty in life. The ugliness of life will drain your soul and deplete your stores of hope. Without hope, you will be more prone to surrender to the vagaries of life and less prone to act to improve conditions around you. Protect hope. Embrace beauty, kindness, and goodness wherever you find it. Make a point to seek out beauty, kindness and goodness. Be disciplined about it. We humans love to watch train wrecks and focus on the miseries of others to make ourselves feel better, but that is neither kind nor helpful.

Be positive. Be a positive influence on those who matter and those around you. You are only the boss of you, and they must choose their own paths; however, if you model good behaviors, others might be persuaded to follow and choose goodness. Good people are drawn to what is good and positive.

Now, I’m not saying be inauthentic and put on a mask of happiness wherever you go. No! Be authentic. There are days when you feel sad. If so, acknowledge the sadness and its causes. Be sad. But don’t wallow in it. Don’t indulge yourselves and hang on to that state of misery, wearing it as a status symbol of some sort or a magnet for the sympathy of others. A good cry will do you good at times, but crying day in and day out will do you no good. Don’t be self-indulgent and wallow in your misery. Have a good cry, scream, then take the necessary steps to move beyond that phase.

Avoid darkness, the dark and those who operate in darkness. Literally. I mean it. Growing up, we were never allowed out at night. The cover of darkness makes it too easy for unkind or cruel people to do their dirty deeds. Avoid them to the extent you can. Don’t get drawn into the nightlife of those who worship carnal pleasures and lives of leisure. Nothing good comes of those paths.

I’m not saying be a prude and never enjoy nighttime parties and revelries. No. Enjoy life and the company of good people regardless of time of day. Night offers its own beauty and challenges. Learn to navigate that as well. But don’t make nighttime revelries your raison d’etre. There are those who live but to party, and many may find them “cool”. But their lives will forever be empty as they fill themselves with frivolous and meaningless things and activities. Remember, our brains are hardwired to adapt and their pursuits of adrenaline rushes, empty platitudes, and the adulation of the fickle masses will lead them further down darken roads.

Likewise, avoid the miserable. Help those who are experiencing difficulties, but don’t surround yourselves or fill your lives with misery. Misery will serve as an anvil around your neck and drag you down, especially when things are difficult. Thus, know when to pull away to find peace to conserve and nurture hope. Self-care is critical.

Learn to see the world as a glass half full, and not half empty. The former are grateful for what they have. Studies show those who are grateful lead happier and healthier lives. The latter lives life wanting. Too often, they focus on what they don’t have and wished they had. They are too often miserable. Avoid them. Don’t invite them into your circle, or choose them as friends or girlfriends, thinking you could help save them. You can’t. Recall, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Negative and needful people will most likely remain negative and needful for the rest of their lives. Change of such core personality traits is uncommon and unlikely. They will eventually drag you down to their level of negativity and misery. Maybe not today nor next month nor next year, but they most certainly will in time, especially in times when your stores of hope ebb. Personally, you must also avoid focusing on what you don’t have, unless it is absolutely necessary in your efforts to formulate plans for improving your own life or the lives of those around you.

Start your day early. One of surest indicia of success is getting up early to tackle life. The early bird gets the worm. The lazy lounges in bed then laments about how Opportunity never visits them. Getting up early is both an exercise in discipline and an opportunity to operate in an environment free of noise and demands. I often do my best work after a good night’s rest and during the quiet predawn hours, free from the distractions of emails, texts, phone calls, drop-bys, and the cacophony of life. I also get to enjoy those quiet moments of watching the sunrise and the promise of a new day. There is much beauty there as yet unmarred by the demands and needfulness of life.

Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Success demands it. Too many fear stepping out of their comfort zones and their limited circles of friends and activities. They behave as if they are in control of life and what comes at them. They may be right in the short term, but rarely in the medium and never in the long term. Life happens, and their comfort zones will be breached. Look at those who have recently lost everything due to flood, fire, COVID-19, war and strife. It didn’t matter if they led good or bad lives; life still came at them of her own accord. Those best able to survive and thrive are those most used to living outside of their comfort zones. So be comfortable being uncomfortable. Extend yourselves. Meet new people. Gain new experiences — and I do NOT mean try new drugs … DON’T. Read new and different books. Recall how we used to while away the hours in bookstores? Roaming bookstores — be it brick and mortars or online — remains among my favorite activities. I miss exploring the book piles of Goodwill, where you can discover new books for cheap or donate them back if you find them wanting. Watch different movies. Explore life and all she has to offer. Don’t confine yourselves to one school of thought, one group of friends, one cuisine, one geographic region, one culture, etc. Do as Jaialai once requested, “Dad, let’s go somewhere where we have never been before!” Extend yourselves. To do that, you must learn to get used to gaining new experience and being uncomfortable in new environments.

Last, but not least, never give up on things of import. Embrace failure and learn from each instance of failure. For example, J.K. Rowling was rejected numerous times over a course of a year before being published, and Thomas Edison failed repeatedly before finding the right recipe for a small lightbulb. People give up too easily and wonder why their lives end in failure. On average, only 2% of sales are made on the first point of contact and 80% of successful sales need at least 5 follow up interactions. Yet most quit following their first attempt. Be not like them.

Remember, all life is sales, be it selling your proposal for a date with the gal of your dream, your essay being worthy of an A, or your candidacy for a great job or a great undergraduate or graduate program. Try and try again. Have the wisdom to know when to give up (seek the wisdom of others if you must), but have the discipline to not give up early because it’s too hard. That path leads to a lifetime of failures.

For many long years, I stood alone against the Enron of Healthcare — which had promoted me to management and given me numerous recognition and awards for leadership — because I refused to ignore their years-long efforts to defraud consumers. As a result, I exposed to public scrutiny their years-long fraudulent misconducts which they had long kept hidden behind closed doors and covered up by well-publicized philanthropic efforts — just as the leaders of Enron received much recognition and accolades for their numerous charitable and philanthropic activities while the company’s employees joked behind closed doors about cheating little old ladies out of their retirement income and cheating the uninformed public out of their hard-earned money.  Today, after 8 long years, I continue my efforts to bring public scrutiny to those who abuse under color of authority in order to clear our names and reunite with you. You are important.

Stay strong. Stay safe. Stay healthy. Practice self-care. Be kind and mindful of others.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

8 years, 7 months, and 27 days. Be better.

My dearest and most precious Shosh and Jaialai:

Gosh, as bad as things are these days with lockdowns and social isolation, they are a thousand times better than those first couple of years without you. Back then, I dared not even look at photos of you much less watch any videos of you. In fact, I — who love and grew up with music — could not even listen to any music as it would trigger affiliated memories of precious moments spent with you. Not that any trigger is necessary as thoughts and memories of you often came unbidden and unstoppable like ocean waves, overwhelming my senses and drowning me in inescapable sorrow and despair. It was torturous and was unrelenting. Oh, those years were awful. It was difficult to simply breathe most days.

No loving parents should be denied their children. It is a crime against humanity for racist and fascist thugs to interfere with and tear asunder families that God created for the petty and despicable purposes of chasing federal dollars, growing of their fiefdoms, and advancing their pathetic careers that the more competent and capable eschew. May God have no mercy on their souls.

They say time heals all wounds. They are wrong. Some wounds never heal. They shouldn’t.

Parents should mourn the loss of their children. That is only natural and right. Why would I want to be released from the aching pain of your loss as if your loss carried no meaning for me? I wouldn’t. I embrace the pain is a reminder of your importance to me at the moment of your birth, now and forever. I am immensely thankful the pain has dulled slightly and is no longer as sharp and inescapable as when I fractured my knee or herniated my disc, but I am also thankful for pain and for you.

Never forget that. You are the best of me. I had prepared a lifetime for your arrival.

Now, onto our lesson for today. Growing up, we were constantly told to strive for perfection. We understood perfection could never be achieved, but that we would improve in the process.

Be better, my sons. Don’t settle for “good enough.” That always begs the question “Good enough for what?!!!”

Countless embrace the ease and convenience of “good enough” while lamenting their poor lots in life; their dead-end jobs; and, their bad bosses, mean co-workers, and cruel neighbors. They refuse to see their role in the suppression of their best lives. They gnash their teeth and blame their sad lots on the darkies, the brownies, the Chincs, the Jews, the Muslims, the feminists, the left, the right, and everyone else but themselves. Recall my earlier discussion of the unemployed from America’s Rust Belt who complained of the lost their $22/hour manufacturing jobs and their being limited to $11/hour food delivery jobs, yet who refused to take advantage of the federal programs which provide them with money and free education to retrain for better jobs. They have no one but themselves to blame for their dead-end jobs, but that did not stop them from laying blame at the feet of everyone but themselves.

People often complain much when their energies are better spent improving themselves and their lots in life. Misery loves company, but in the long-run, no one wants to hang out with the miserable. Don’t be a miserable and whiny putz. Everyone has his/her crosses to bear. People may want to be kind and comfort you in your moment of difficulty, but they cannot carry the burden of your misery for long. Why would you ask that of them?!!! What would that say about you as a person?

Be the person people invite into their homes and to their tables. This means be both good and kind individuals as well as being knowledgeable and productive members of the team or society. Again, too many embrace the siren calls of “Me First!” and “Good Enough!” yet lament their exclusion from the tables where important things are discussed and resolved. Be not like them. Live so that others would choose to be in your company. Among other things, it means study hard when it is time to study, but also get your heads out of the books and schedule time to spend with others and helping the least among you.

Now, to be clear, I’m not saying LIFE IS A POPULARITY CONTEST. No! I detests those who live life as if it were BUT a popularity contest. Who cares if you are popular?!! Those fickle “friends” and followers are apt to ditch you the moment they stop being entertained or intrigued by you. Why waste life trying to please the vacuous masses addicted to empty entertainment and quick adrenaline rushes? Life is much more meaningful than that! Experience real joy and real adrenaline from the achievement of worthy endeavors like helping a kid succeed in a class, feeding the hungry, giving voice to the voiceless and disenfranchised, and helping asylum seekers find refuge.

Live so that, on a one-to-one basis, good people get to know you and seek out your company. Live so that people see the good in you, the skills you have, the contributions you can make to improve the lot of others and the team, etc. It is a slow and cumbersome process, but the journey is well worth the efforts for you will meet and get to know amazing people along the way. They will dot your memories and help carry you through the darks times that enter the lives of everyone.

Furthermore, if service of others is one of your life’s goals, then it pays to be mindful of your audience and take measure of how well you are performing in the pursuit of that goal. In that respect, people’s feedback matters. Again, it matters only in this context, not the general context of being popular or being obsequious for the sole purpose of being liked by faceless strangers who proclaim sight unseen to be your “friends”.

You can do well by doing good, my sons. For example, an arrogant fool once proclaimed he’s the best around even as he tried to borrow tens of thousands of dollars from me for seed money for his wet dream of a multinational enterprise for which he had done little to no meaningful research. At that same time, I fielded a 3-hour call from someone who repeatedly implored me to open a business or join him on a joint-venture so that he could invest tens of thousands of dollars. It’s not what you say or self-proclaim, but how you live and who you are.

Live well, my sons. Strive to be better today than you were yesterday. Be a better brother. Be a better friend. Be a better student. Be a kinder person. Be a better listener. Be better at reserving judgment. Be better.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

8 years, 7 months, and 22 days. Four pieces of advice for the new school year.

Concentration is the key to studying well and studying effectively!

My most precious and dearest Shosh and Jaialai:

As you prepare to embark on another school year, bear four things in mind: (1) the importance of self-care, which includes following public health protocols during a deadly pandemic; (2) the key role focus and concentration play in our lives and studies; (3) the usefulness of the Cornell Note-Taking Method as a tool for maximizing your ability to learn new matters; and, (4) the importance of being active and engaged in the community as part of your studies and personal development.

First, as always, your physical, mental, and spiritual health are of utmost priority. The quality of everything else going on in your life is dependent upon your health. Ill health — be it physical, mental, or spiritual — prohibits optimal performance. Thus, take care of yourselves.

Among other things, it means religiously follow public health protocols. I use the word “religiously” on purpose: as stated previously, we are called upon to help our neighbor and not bring harm to them by our selfish desires to not be burdened with masks, social distancing, or vaccines. It is also a simple matter of PUBLIC HEALTH. We live in society. As such, we owe a duty to other members of society. Those who wish to exercise their personal freedom to do as they wish are free to move to the desert or mountain and to live by themselves where their actions cannot harm anyone but themselves. In society, their failure to wear masks, keep social distance, and get vaccinated — the latter being a common public health protocol that they’ve lived with and agreed to since their entry into the community — get people killed. Be not like them.

Second, focus. Be mindful of your thoughts and actions. Live with intention.

Don’t skate through school or life on auto-pilot. You boys are smart enough to do well in school without trying, but don’t do that.

Education is not about a piece of paper or sheep skin to be hung on a wall, but about the purposeful acquisition of knowledge about the world around us, about theories of how things work, and about the science and the philosophies of how best to live as individuals and as active members of a constitutional republic — knowledge and information which best prepare you to be good human beings and contributing members of society. Purposeful.

Recall that even when you were mere toddlers, I often said that what lies between your ears is your most important resource and greatest tool and weapon. Fools rush in and unevolved Neanderthals rely but on their brute strengths; however, you are best served by using your head to assess the situation before you and the best strategy to achieve the most favorable outcome. Brute strength may be required, but never brute strength without intention and pre-planned strategy. Thus, you must learn to think critically about things.

However, critical thinking is impossible without substantive knowledge of the thing you are trying think about. For example, how could you provide a critical analysis of Ethiopian food or the merits of the Cornell Note-Taking method vis-a-vis other methods of taking notes if you are not familiar with Ethiopian food or formal note-taking methods? You could not. Thus, it behooves you to read voraciously and to expand your horizons by learning as much as possible — a lifelong process — about the world around you and how things work.

Study with intention. Concentrate. As Prof. Lobdell stated above, take breaks as necessary to ensure that your focus is there for each segment of time spent on studying.

Concentration is a skill. This means it can improve with intentional exercise over time. Use Pomodoro or other apps to help you improve your ability to concentrate better over longer periods of time. Neurosurgeons, for example, are able to operate for hours under the most difficult circumstances where they must be mindful of dozens of factors. They can do so because they have practiced and improved their knowledge and skills over time. As a lawyer, I have frequently worked through lunch and forgotten to eat until late afternoon — a skill which my dear friend NS has said requires a special kind of stupid — because I was so focused on work that I lost track of time. You can learn to do likewise (concentrate for hours, not forget to eat lunch). Act with purpose and intention. Practice.

I must add here the related and important issue of keeping your focus outward most of the time and inward only as necessary. What do I mean by that? I mean be purposeful of your mindfulness and prioritize how best to utilize that tool as appropriate for the moment.

For example, be present. Be mindful of the present moment. Allow your mind to harken back to past events when that exercise is necessary to achieve a certain purpose. However, do not live in the past and attempt to “relive” past glories in your mind as most failures are apt to do. For example, some who reached stardom in high school have been found to be failures in subsequent years because they keep trying to relive their high school glory days instead of grow and mature as appropriate for their age. Be not like them. Take time to reminisce about past events when trying to recall a lesson of old or to enjoy a moment catching up with friends, but then return your attention to the present moment. Likewise, think about the future as you formulate your goals and strategies, but return your mind to the present when you are done with that exercise.

Be present in the moment. Live in the present. Not the past or the future. Success does not lie in reliving your past or fantasizing about your future. You must act with intention in the present moment if you wish to make something of yourself in the future.

Similarly, keep your focus mostly on others and on the world around instead of on yourself. The reason I say this is two-fold. First, as stated previously, being self-absorbed rarely, if ever, achieves desirable results. We are blackholes of insecurities, needs, and desires. Focusing on your insecurities, needs, and desires will lead to an endless cycle of disappointment as your mind is hard-wired to adapt to all new achievements and things, returning you to your baseline state of needfulness.

The world is in a terrible state presently, and practically speaking, if you focus on your own miseries, you will end up overwhelmed and depressed. It is a dark period for almost everyone.

However, not all suffer similarly or equally. Many have it worse than you. While most of us are burdened with social isolation as necessary to control the spread of infection, some of us are also burdened with the lack of food to eat; the lack of money to pay for rent, medicine, utilities, or other necessities; and, the lack of friends in whom they could find comfort.

Be grateful for what you have and be mindful of the needs of others who are less fortunate. Doing so will not only alleviate your misery but also help give meaning to your life. I am thankful for having worked most of my life with the homeless, the refugees, the poor, the marginalized, and the voiceless. In times of personal difficulties, I am often reminded of the greater challenges faced by others (e.g., the big strapping homeless guy who was shivering so hard from being outside on a cold winter night that he could not still himself enough to feed himself hot soup or hot coffee, requiring me to hand-feed him each spoonful; or the woman who had her ear cut off and her throat sliced because she happened to be born into a different ethnic group than those in power). This helps put my own personal challenges into proper perspective. The guy who whines about having to eat his fill of the same few dishes everyday during lockdown would not be so dismissive of the food if he heard from the old man who wished but that for once in his life his belly could be full from a hearty meal.

Being mindful of others also has the added benefit of helping you be mindful of your audience — a necessary task. Recall, all life is sales — be it an idea to pitch to your boss, a date to be granted by the girl of your dream, or the thing or service you are responsible for selling as a a condition of your employment. We are called to persuade others and gain their support.

Often, people wonder how to talk to or connect with others at parties, in school, in meetings, etc. The answer is easy: focus on the other. Most people train their focus on themselves, their inability to figure out what to say to a stranger, their awkwardness, the zit that appeared in the most inopportune way on a most inopportune way… Silly them. That way lies failure. Their focus should be trained on their target audience — the person before them. If they do that, they will find there is a world of things to discuss, including why the person is taking that class or is there on that specific occasion, the cool bracelet or trinket the person is wearing, or the multitude of possible topics of discussion to be gleaned from what the person is wearing to the circumstances in which you both find yourself.

Focus outward. Focus inward only as necessary to be self-aware and to make the necessary assessments and plans. Then, return our focus on life and those around you.

Third, be mindful and intentional in your studies. The best tool I have found to help you do that is the Cornell Note-Taking Method. It is a simple, albeit involved activity.

At its most simple stage, draw a line two-inches from the left edge of your notepaper and another line two-inches from the bottom of your paper. At the top of the paper, write the name of the class, the name of the teacher, and the date.

These steps are mechanical and ministerial. The remaining steps require thoughts and discretion.

Generally, the main body (the largest column on the right) is where you take notes of main ideas, key elements of the concept to which you are being introduced, etc. Here, never write in complete sentences. You don’t have the time to write in complete sentences when taking class or meeting notes. Abbreviate as much as possible. I often come up with my own abbreviations in addition to conventional abbreviations to save time when taking notes. Use charts or figures to capture the main ideas if and when appropriate. Leave lots of white space so that you can latter add more details as necessary from additional readings or follow up in-class or after-class discussions with the teacher. Use different color pens or highlighters to note vocabulary terms, key concepts, major exceptions, etc.

Complete this column when you do the assigned reading before the class. Capture the main ideas of the reading. Remember, reading is not a visual exercise, but a mental one. Think as you read. Be engaged in the reading as if you are conversing with the author: what is the point he/she is trying to make? how does that idea fit into the body of knowledge of the world you already possess from other classes, from other readings, or from your personal experiences? do you buy it or find it lame in parts or lame altogether? what are the author’s biases? what is not being said?

During class, add to these reading notes explanations and additional items the teacher discusses. The assigned reading may cover a bunch of topics, but in class the teacher often focuses your attention on only the few he/she thinks is most important. Be mindful of that. The teacher may be telegraphing the specific subtopics that will likely be tested from that chapter or section.

Believe it or not, that is the easy part of discretion for it is mainly parroting what you’ve read or heard and using your discretion to omit unimportant information. For example, following convention, I must say, “Please, have a seat.” However, the gist of my statement is “sit.” The rest can be ignored.

The next step requires you to familiarize yourself with the notes in the right column. Review the notes ASAP after class. This is critical and must be done ASAP. This step strengthens the synaptic pathways and cements your memory of the lesson.

As part of this exercise, pull new vocabulary terms and key phrases from the right column, and write them in the left column. This helps highlight those key concepts and strengthen those synaptic connections a second time.

Next, also in the left column, create questions to test your knowledge of and familiarity of the notes in the right column. This is critical for success for two reasons. First, studies have found that the best predictor of success on tests is how well you did on the practice tests — not how many hours you spent reviewing your note, how many times you reviewed the, how beautiful or neat your notes are, etc. How well you do on practice tests best predicts how well you’ll do on the real test. So practice. Write questions you would expect your teacher to ask in the left column and practice answering them while covering up the notes on the right column. This means pay attention to the types of questions your teacher asks in class. If possible, obtain the teacher’s old tests and practice on them.

Once you are familiar with the substance of the notes in the right column, summarize them in the bottom section of the page. Again, summarization requires thinking with intention about the notes, requiring you to ruminate the topic at hand yet again, thereby strengthening further the synaptic connections and cementing further your memory of the topic.

As you read additional chapters and materials, link new materials to those that came before. Review old notes weekly, bi-monthly, or monthly as necessary so that the memory remains fresh.

Don’t wait until the night or week before the exam to cram and review all of your notes. Most students follow that strategy — myself included since I did not have the benefit of someone telling me in high school or college to study this way. While the common and age-old strategy may work for some and sometimes, it is not optimal for the acquisition of knowledge. Remember, the goal here is the acquisition of knowledge for life, not just for the purpose of getting a good grade on a test then forgetting about it.

Be mindful, boys. Study with intention.

Fourth and last, be active. Be engaged. Exercise, have fun, and be engaged in the community as part of your studies and personal development. The point here is two-fold: (1) life and your personal development don’t stop while you’re in school; and, (2) your choice of activities could help give direction to your life.

Live. Life doesn’t stop just because you are studying, and your personal growth and development is part of the education and cannot be relegate to secondary status after your studies. Study hard, but also go forth and have fun with friends and with others who are engaging in community service!

Don’t be foolish like those who spend all their time and days studying and taking additional preparatory classes to help improve their grades. Among other key things, success in life lies in the ability to fit in with those around you, your study group, your colleague at work, etc. The importance of this life-skill cannot be overemphasized. Those who focus solely on their studies often fail to be invited to join groups, schools, or organizations of their choosing because they do not have the skills to fit in with others. That failure is on them. They have no one but themselves to blame for being plain vanilla, unexciting, and dull. Be not like them.

In college, I was fortunate enough to fall in with a good bunch from my dorm. We studied hard but also played hard. We partied and went to college games. In the cafeteria, we often took a table in the center of the room so that we could see more while we goofed off. Another group of friends I knew always chose a table at the edge of the cafeteria and always look forlornly at our activities and those of others, but remained on the margin, never joining in on the fun. How sad for them. As time went on, how many are drawn to them and rushed to invite them to the table? Their poor choices had numerous and lasting adverse ramifications. Be better, you.

Be involved in your community. Volunteer. Sign up for internships — paid or unpaid. Join study groups. Get a part-time job that won’t interfere with your studies. In fact, the busier you are, the better you’ll be at using your time efficiently. As they say, if you want something done, give it to the busy person.

In college, by my third year, I was involved in a number of school-related activities for which I received a number of leadership awards, including the Dean’s Service Award. Those activities not only made my college experience fun, meaningful and memorable, but also helped define my interests and gave me a leg up for admission to top graduate schools and law schools. In graduate school, in addition to taking a full load of graduate classes and despite being on full scholarship, I took a part-time job as a Behavior Coach for victims of head trauma, volunteered at a homeless shelter, and participated as a cast member in a musical. Oh, I should tell you I cannot sing on key despite my best effort.

In choosing your activities, remember, you can choose those that would help you better understand and gain a better appreciation for your major or field of interests. For example, as a chemistry major, I got a job working as a chemistry lab assistant. While chemistry was my favorite class in high school, the lab assistant experience helped me understood there ]were other academic subject matters in which I find more interesting and more exciting. Later, when I changed major, I became a research assistant for the professor whose expertise lies in the area of my interest.

Live with intention, my sons. Live not mediocre lives where you follow well-worn paths of others like sheep where you function on auto-pilot. That is not living. That is simply existing and bidding your time until your death.

Live life fully, my sons. Embrace life and those around you. Choose with care who you will let into your circle and spend time with, but be kind to everyone. Life is only to be lived right but also well-lived and thorough enjoyed, not meekly observed and mindlessly followed.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

P.S., one last thing: eat healthy. Make sure you include lots of fruits and vegetables in your diet. We grew up eating fruits for desert, and fruits remain my preferred deserts. While you were growing up, we always had fruits at home. I home you’ve continued that practice. If not, it is not too late to restart it.

Also, eat Kellogg’s Mueslix or similar cereal that have lots of bran. The truth is we simply do not have enough fiber in our diet. I find a bowl of mueslix mixed with cornflakes each morning keeps me regular. Following my nearly month-long hunger strike (my failed attempt to call attention to our plight during this noise-heavy time of COVID-19, climate change, and ratcheting cold war), my digestive system is completely off kilter. I am no longer regular. It is not helpful that our stock of breakfast cereal is completely depleted.

I’m sure you’ve heard ad nauseum about the need to exercise and eat well. I thought you should know about the miracle of bran cereal as well. Among other things, a healthy diet with sufficient fiber helps prevent colorectal cancer.

8 years, 7 months, and 14 days. True happiness and a meaningful life lies in living not for yourself, but in the service of others.

My most dearest Shosh and Jaialai:

Isn’t life made most meaningful and memorable by those moments when we are aiding others in their times of needs and basking in their good graces when enduring our own? Aren’t the credits and withdrawals from the balance of life the things that give life beauty, hope, and meaning? We are neither beasts of burden or islands of self-sufficiency and fulfillment. With rare exceptions, we are social creatures and need others to find happiness and meaning within our own lives. Embrace what is our nature. Deny it not.

Fools and folly think it possible to go it alone in this world. People — especially we, Americans — often reject the burden of investing in others and building relationships, but lament our loneliness and isolation. We work not to cultivate relationships with our real family and friends, but to seek the convenience of “family” in like-minded and easy to embrace cults, gangs, work groups, and on-line communities.

We are fools for doing so because that which is easily had is also easily lost. That which is built on nothing but convenience will assuredly be lost the moment it is inconvenient. That is why you must never put your faith in fair weather friends or lovers for they are truly neither. They are but opportunists and acolytes Expediency and Convenience. They will make haste to depart at the earliest signs of storm clouds. Give them wide berth. Waste not your time on them.

No, my sons, dance with the one who brung you, fence the tree that feeds you, … invest in those who nourishe you and give your life meaning and pleasure. Your friends. Your family. Your neighbors. Invest in people and experiences … not empty things which lose value once your mind adapts to the novelty of having them.

It is no accident that while living this life of obscurity — where my name and pedigree is unknown to all — people still invite me into their lives and families. They bring food when I am laid up from knee surgery or locked in from the pandemic. Recently, we had a meal entirely from the pasta friends delivered to us more than a month ago, they avocado they two weeks earlier, and the chicken they had delivered that morning. The food we could have purchased for ourselves, but the kindness and thoughtfulness shown by our friends are priceless and most precious.

It is also no accidents that suicide is up, dangerous risk-taking behaviors are on the rise, and loneliness and isolation are on the increase. People cannot live for themselves then expect others to think of them or to comfort them in their times of need. That is folly. Yet fools pursue such life strategies daily.

Be not like them. Make service for others and for the community a part of your life and among your life’s goals. Measure life not by what toys you have acquired, what car you drive, or designer clothes you wear, but by how impactful your life is on the lives of others, especially the least among us. Therein lies meaning to, and fulfilment for, your lives.

My greatest regrets are these lost years with you and the missed opportunities to introduce you to my life of service … of serving homeless people for years, of helping asylum seekers gain refugee status and protection under international law, of protecting abused children and victims of domestic violence, of tutoring kids so they would do well in school and have a better shot at life, of carrying groceries and mowing the lawn for our elderly neighbors, of translating and acting as go-between for those unable to speak for themselves, etc. I mistakenly thought you were too young and that I had a lifetime to show you. I was wrong on both count. Forgive me.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

8 years, 7 months, 13 days. Care. If you care enough about something (anything), you’ll figure it out. So care … even if it is hard or makes you vulnerable to disappointment or ridicule.

My most dearest and most precious Shosh and Jaialai:

In recent years, I’ve developed a habit of playing games, watching silly videos, or doing other mindless but engaging activities at bed time to keep at bay memories, thoughts and ideas best left untouched — day or night. (Reading is out as too often thoughts and memories sneak in between lines, awaking rude emotions best left dormant else they’d unleash a tide that overtakes hope and all I have left to cling to.) Most nights, I’d watch or play until sleep overtakes me and the phone or tablet falls from my unconscious hands. (Ms. L has at times complained that I’d dropped the phone or tablet on her, wakening her from slumber.)

Last night the exercise proved futile. I was up past 3am frantically playing an engaging new game even as thoughts and memories of you came unbidden and flooded my emotions and tear ducts. The overwhelming and saddest thought was that these childhood and developmental years those racist and fascist thugs took from us under color of authority are forever lost and will never be recovered. For that, I will never forgive them and curse them to the most vile corners of hell for all eternity. May they and three generations of their families never know peace and forever live in chaotic times.

(In our height of selfishness, we conveniently forget that children reap what their parents sow. Let’s not forget that, for example, Bernie Madoff may gotten away for decades for stealing and his family may have lived large for decades off the billions he’d stolen, but in the end his son, Mark, hung himself two years after his vile and greedy father’s arrest. May be a reminder that the wretched legacies we leave for our children directly and adversely affect them will help keep us on the straight and narrow path. God knows we are of weak will and need numerous reminders. News report the recent death of two adult children of a person who refused vaccines during a pandemic. The person was reminded too late of the need to care of others as our lives are linked with others.)

These are chaotic times. I sometimes hear people use that as excuses for their boorish behaviors. Let’s be clear: these times are no more challenging than the Great Depression, the Great Wars, the Great Stink or Great Smog suffered by Londoners and other city-dwellers, etc. Every age has its challenges for those who must endure them.

As Robert Kennedy noted, the cream will rise to the top, and those of caliber will find creative solutions to the immediate and great societal needs. Already, there are reports of society jumping ahead by years in terms of developments in certain areas.

Where there is a will, there is a way, my sons. Stated differently, if you care enough about something, you’ll figure it out.

Most people simply don’t care enough. That is what separates the winners from the losers.

I recall two classmates from law school and graduate school who endured significant difficulties but later achieved great success and stature in society. One of them had to sleep in his car for a month in a city known at the time as “Death Capitol” while the other — a big strapping fellow who played football in college — barely had money for food and limited himself to pasta and butter when he was unable to crash parties for free food or gain invitations to dinner with friends. Lesser people would have used those circumstances as excuses to give up. They did not. Be like them.

Care. Care enough and believe enough in things of import to tie you over during difficult periods. Invest yourself in things greater than yourself — your education, your dreams, your family, your community, your future, the environment, etc.

Believe. Believe in yourself and your dreams. Believe in the possibilities — even if they appear improbable at the moment. The moment shall pass.

Fill yourself with knowledge and ideas and beliefs. Then stay true to yourself. Those who are but empty vessels are easily persuaded by charlatans, liars, and thieves who pitch pithy but good sounding phrases that benefit the latter at the former’s expense. Be not like them.

Be self-aware. Be not like the multitude today who are self-absorbed but not self-aware. I saw a post on social media recently of an idiot who claimed that if God had intended for her to wear a mask, He would have created her with a mask already in place … making this absurd assertion even as she wore glasses to correct her failed vision. Be not like her … cruel, selfish, and hurtful to her brothers and sisters in the community who are too young or too frail to get vaccinated against this deadly virus which has already claimed the lives of nearly 4.5 million people worldwide and nearly 630,000 Americans.

We lie about caring for our fellow citizens when we made much hay about the deaths of 3,000 during 9/11, yet we refuse to burden ourselves with the slight inconvenience of masks — which people in Japan wore on subways as a matter of course out of courtesy for the well-being of others if the former had the sniffles (when I lived there more than 20 years ago) — social distancing or a vaccine prick when such trivial acts could save the lives of literally thousands of our friends and neighbors. Be not like those cruel and selfish liars. They shall meet their just deserts.

Care. Care for yourselves. Care for your friends and neighbors. Care for your environment. Care for the future you’ll leave behind for your children and their children after them.

Take action. Take time to read, learn, and arm yourselves with knowledge that would make you a better person, a better brother, a better friend, a better neighbor, a better student, a better contributing member of society. Be not like the freeloaders and kibitzers who criticize the work of others from the comfort of their Lazy-Boys and from the distant bleachers, far from the toil and sweat of labor spent on doing something worthy.

Any fool could put on blinders, blame others for the challenges of the times, give up on themselves and others. It takes a strong person to hold on to their beliefs and rise above challenges of the day.

My faith in God and in you are the twin anchors of my beliefs. I have endured months of living as Ann Frank once did, of injuries and insults, of living a life beneath the dignity of one who had risen from nothingness to working for some of the top organizations in the world and the U.S., etc. But I endure it all for the belief that one day, the racist thugs will be exposed for their evil persecution of our family — as they are today after decades of extrajudicially killing and maiming people of color with impunity — and we will reunite as a family. I live for that day. I live for you.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

8 years, 7 months, and 10 days. Embrace basis human decency above all else.

My most dearest and most precious Shosh and Jaialai:

I miss you.

Please do not assume the silence between posts are indicia of your unimportance. No. The silence is but a reflection of my weakness and failings. I think of you daily, but do not always have the strength or courage to address you.

I am exhausted … beyond exhaustion. This battle for truth and to expose corrupt and racist thugs operating under color of authority and who are part of a multi-billion dollar system of abuse has long taken its toll. My 5-year, solo fight against the $40 billion Enron of Healthcare which had for years defrauded unsuspecting consumers paled in comparison to this endeavor. I soldier on — and will do so until the bastards are exposed and we reunite — but some days I must conserve energy and focus on the tiny shards of beauty that exist in the world without you.

The one beauty that consistently uplifts my days and gives me strength to fight on is basic human decency. In this time of ugliness — of the wholesale embrace of the politics of division and blame, of lies and attacks upon science and experts by those who use as weapons what little knowledge they’d glean from the internet or the few articles or books they’ve read, of hate and brutality against the weak and vulnerable in the U.S. and overseas in places like Afghanistan, of utter and unfettered selfishness and arrogance as to strip masks off teachers’ and workers’ faces during a pandemic which has killed more than 4 million people worldwide and nearly 640,000 people in the U.S. alone, of people giving lip service to caring out our children and our elders yet refusing to wear masks or getting vaccines to help protect those unable to get vaccinated — it feels like basic human decency has fallen out of fashion and is not longer a thing of value. Don’t believe that lie.

Remember, you are the boss of you … and only you. Worry not about those who sell sex and sex videos as their path to fame and fortune. Worry not about those who are liberal with the truth or who lie purposefully to achieve selfish ends. They will receive their just desserts in the end. (For example, the person who cruelly and falsely accuse us has died of a rare and terminal disease. She died alone and shunned by all those who had once loved her. Cruelty has its consequences.)

Be decent human beings my sons. Basic human decency is more important today than ever. Basic decency does not separate us from animals — even ants and rats have been shown to act selflessly to save others — but it does define who we are as individuals. Be not like the animals who lie, rape, and/or plunder to feed their insatiable egos and insecurities.

Be the good people I know you to be and raised you to be during our time together. Help those in need. A smile or kind words can do miracles to those in need of such human kindness. (In my decades working with homeless people, I learned that it is often society’s refusal to see or acknowledge them as human beings that sometimes hurts them most.) Better yet, give a helping hand to those in need. Volunteer to mow grass for the elderly or disabled, help carry groceries for the expecting mother, tutor those who need extra help, etc.

Be more kind than necessary. Always.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

8 years, 6 months, and 30 days. If you have a choice, always choose the right path — avoid the path of least resistance.

My most dearest and most precious Shosh and Jaialai:

I love you and miss you greatly. My most cherished dream is that one day I would simply wake up from this nightmare to see your precious little faces, that I had not missed a moment of your lives, and that you had never belabored for a moment to face life alone without our love and guidance.

The ever-expanding negative ramifications resulting from the acts of selfish and evil men can never be overestimated. Even today, we continue to witness the further destruction of the lives of those embedded with evil and the continuing harm inflicted upon their victims and families.

My lesson to you today is this: if you have a choice, ALWAYS choose the right path and not the path of least resistance. Fools think the latter imposes no costs. They are fools because they simply fail to see the hidden costs of a lifetime of choosing the easy path — the path that makes the least demand on them at that particular moment.

The evidence of their failures is everywhere. It includes those who eschew the discipline of education and proudly proclaim their allegiance to the “school of hard knocks.” While practical experience and working knowledge also enable people to gain expertise (see, e.g., the Birdman of Leavenworth and the kid who moved into the dessert to study insect and became a noted entomologist), such outcome is often denied those who seek work as an avoidance of the challenges of formal education. If they refuse to drink from the chalice of knowledge offered in school, what would possess them to seek it out on their own. Some may, but most won’t. Thus, they rarely ever gain the necessary level of understanding to function in society at level higher than suboptimal. They are often the ones who barely eke out an existence, who embrace conspiracy theories and political and religious dogma as simple explanations for a complex world that overwhelms them, who mock the science and experts they cannot understand and which/who makes them feel insecure about their ignorance. They are the never vaxxers who repeat long-debunked ideas and the never never-maskers during a pandemic which has killed more than 616,000 in the U.S. alone and more than 4.29 million people worldwide, foolishly borrowing from the slogan of “our bodies our right” when their failure to follow safety and health protocols during a pandemic affects not just them individually but threatens the very lives and health of the most vulnerable in society — children too young to get the vaccine, those who are immunocompromised and who cannot get the vaccine, etc.

It includes the ever-growing business of cosmetic surgeries and diet gimmicks to achieve the tone and healthy look that can only come from exercise and healthy life choices. Too often, they lament the short-lived effects of the cheap substitutes and must once again return for quick fixes but rarely bringing themselves to do the necessary self-denial, hard work, and sweat to truly achieve a healthy lifestyle from which a tone physique flows as a natural consequence.

It includes the embrace of the no-failing-grade policy in school and gold-star-for-showing-up policy in life. In one breath, they advocate for policies that demand the least of our children — the next generation of our societies — and in the next, they lament how today’s children are snowflakes and wilt at the first signs of challenges. They fail to acknowledge their part — no, their dirty fingerprints — in denying children the very opportunities to learn and grow from overcoming obstacles, to conform their behaviors to meet and exceed the increasingly difficult standards and requirements necessary to weed out the mediocre from the exceptional, to taste the sweet taste of success that can only be had from hard work that pushed them beyond what they thought they could do, etc.

Do not follow the masses who choose the easy path, my sons. Given a choice, do the right thing … because it is difficult, because it makes demands of you, because it will test your mettle and help you grow. Choose the right path because it is the right thing to do.

We know those closest cut deepest. They know our most vulnerable spots. Be vulnerable anyway. A life lived behind iron walls to keep everyone at bay and to avoid being hurt is no life at all.

We know change is difficult and new experiences scary. Embrace change and try new experiences anyway. A life stagnant is not life. To live is to grow and expand, to extend ourselves to new people and experiences, to dig deeper roots even as we reach higher towards the heavens.

Live life to the fullest, my sons. Always choose what is right instead of what is easiest or what demands the least of you at the moment. As H.G. Wells said, that is for losers — not in the sense of labels and name-calling but in the sense of one who lost out on the great things life has to offer because he/she was too insecure or too lazy to labor for the fruits of life.

I have lived a full life: traveled far and wide; camped under the stars of Mykonos and sat on a bridge in the mountains of Japan where the bright stars above reflected off the water below so that where the heavens ended and the earth begins is indistinguishable; table-danced with the daughter of a member of the House of Lords; snorkeled with you in Okinawa and with friends in the Caribbean; sang and danced on stage as a cast member for Lazarus, a Musical on Hunger and Poverty and Jesus Christ, Superstar; made friends and studied with smart people who gained admission to top universities in the U.S.; spoon-fed hot coffee and hot soup to a large and strapping homeless man who shook too hard from shiver to feed himself to warm himself up on a cold winter night; achieve refugee status for an innocent young girl who suffered greatly because of the decisions of her parents and a woman who had lost her ear and had her throat sliced for being who she is; helped improved employment laws and employee benefits for the nation and for workers; and, last but never least, experienced the greatest joy of being graced with the two wonderful sons that you are.

May you, too, live full lives and experience the wonderful things life has to offer.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

8 years, 5 months, and 7 days. I miss you. Part 2 of have an expansive view of the world instead of a restrictive one.

My most dearest Shosh and Jaialai:

I miss you. Sorry I was not able to complete the last post in one sitting last time. It was too much. Let’s move beyond the emotional bit this time and get right to it before I lose it again.

There are two ways to look at the world. There is the expansive viewpoint that sees win-win outcomes as not only possible but also desirable. By working together, we can make a bigger pie in which we could all share. Then, there is the restrictive viewpoint where one necessarily wins at the expense of another. The pie is always limited, and there will always be winners and losers.

While that may be the case, generally, those who subscribe to the first worldview believe by working together, we can improve the lot for everyone. We may not all receive equal shares, but no one is left without. High tide lifts all boats. Conversely, they also understand that a ship cannot sail if one side is sinking while the other is dry.

Self-preservation is a given, but generosity and patience are also embedded deep within this worldview. People may not get what they want immediately, but they will in time. More importantly, they understand that their individual success is tied to the success of others. In a real sense, in the long run, for example, those who pillage and rape the Earth for their immediate and personal gains doom their children and grandchildren to barren wasteland ravaged by fire, flood, and pestilence.

Those who subscribe to the more restrictive, Me First, viewpoint focus on the short term and their individual needs and desires at the expense of everyone else. There are limited fish in the pond and trees in the nearby grove, so it is best if they catch as many fish or cut down as many trees as they can before others do so. They fail to see — or simply are too selfish to care about — the long term consequences of their actions: a depleted pond and a barren land exposed to the elements and prone to flooding.

Fear and insecurity animate their actions. They fear missing out. They being taken by others who are similarly self-centered and greedy. They are like Pinkerton Pig, who always cry out, “Me first!” while shoving aside others to get what they want.

Be not like the latter. Help others. Collaborate with your neighbors to create a better world for everyone.

Do not let your insecurities dictate your actions. You are more than your insecurities. As Teacher Mary often said, “You are the boss of you.”

Do what is right. You know what is right. Do it. It may not always be easy to do, but it will always be the right thing to do. I promise you will be better off for doing it, and others will thank you.

Be well. Be safe. Wear masks. Stay away from crowds since selfish idiots exist who care nothing about the safety and health of others, putting their comfort and convenience first.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

8 years, 5 months, and 5 days. You are special and you are loved, my sons. Don’t ever forget that. Embrace an Expansive, not Restrictive, worldview.

My most dearest and precious Shosh and Jaialai:

You cannot imagine how much I miss you and worry about you. I still wake up in the middle of the night haunted by worries of where you are, what you are doing, and how you fare in a world that grows more unstable by the day — fostered by weak or poor political leadership; thoughtless laws and government policies driven more by political expediency and interests rather than sound public policies; blind hatred of anyone looking different or subscribing to a different viewpoint or religion; and, superficial and temporary “solutions” for deep-seated and intractable challenges like environmental degradation and overpopulation, growing imbalance in the distribution of wealth, racism and ageism, etc.

Do you boys even know how special you are as individuals? Are there people in your lives who remind you from time to time of your unique abilities and stories that warmed our hearts as you were growing up?

Shosh, you knew how to spell your name when you were 17 months old! I have that on video. You used to love to tell stories, create characters, draw, and read about dinosaurs, excavators, and superheroes. I kept your drawings of dinosaurs alone in three completely filled to the maximum 1.5 – 2 inch three-ring binders. We used to read stories about them together, then we’d draw them. You were an amazing artist and story teller even at 2.5 or 3. You invented your own superhero to fight among your favorite characters (who were mostly dressed in red, your favorite color): Darth Maul, Juggernaut, and later Scarlet Witch. My staff, Ms. T. and Mr. D. used to marvel at your intelligence and how articulate you were, telling me they are thankful they do have to parent such a bright and inquisitive child.

You were amazing! You still are! You still carry all of those amazing skills and talents within you! They may lie dormant from disuse, but try to embrace them, awaken them, and nurture them. You will not be disappointed, and the world will be blessed for your having them and using them.

Jaialai, you grew up during the difficult years when I had been fired after blowing the whistle against a multi-billion dollar healthcare organization that had been defrauding people for years and years. Your mom had returned to work after years of being a stay-at-home mom to help grandma (who lived with us) care for you Shosh, and I was focused on helping my legal team with the whistleblower discrimination law suit (where the Enron of Healthcare hid and withheld from us hundreds of incriminating documents that had crossed my desk while working there). Thus, unlike Shosh who had three people who constantly doted on him, you had grandma.

Oh, but what a team you guys made! You’d pull books from the numerous bookshelves lining the playroom and “read” to grandma. You’d make up games for her to play and would often have her in stiches! You were a riot — quick witted and funny! At 2 or 3, you came up with the doozies such as “Everyone came from Africa!” or “It’s not a fish!” when I pointed at an aardvark and asked you what it was.

Your games were legendary! We’d play them at home, on our numerous beach trips, etc. The best part of your games is that there were rarely losers when playing them. Everyone simply had fun.

You were more withdrawn and introverted to Shosh’s easy-to-befriend sociability and extrovertedness, but you have a steely resolve whereas your brother wears his heart on his sleeve. For example, in preschool, you started to watch My Little Pony Friendship is Magic with Little V. When your classmates mocked you for watching a girls’ show, you stood your ground and explained how the show had really cool characters that did cool things and eventually won all the boys over to the show.

Once, when Ms. L took you guys shopping and some uncouth woman asked Ms. L if those were all her kids, you said, “How rude!” That’s right! She was rude and lacked the basic manners and common sense befitting of a 5-year-old!

That’s you. Sticking up for what is right and not shying away from a difficult situation.

Stay you. Stay true to who you are, boys. Embrace your good nature. You know who you are even if no one is there to remind you. You are not liars and thieves like your cousins who stole your toys or lied about dead battery to not share them with you. You are not the undisciplined horde who roamed restaurants and troubled other diners. I taught you better.

Be you. Continue to make good choices, even if they are difficult. No one promised life would be easy or one long stretch of fun and happiness. It isn’t. Do what you need to do — instead of what you want to do — will ensure a good life and future success. Care. Really care about what you do and those you love. If you care, you will find a way. Those who fail often simply didn’t care enough to try hard enough. They give up when the going gets difficult — as life is wont to do. Don’t be like them.

Know that you are special and that you are loved beyond measures.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

8 years, 1 month, and 24 days. Jesus said, “Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you do unto me.” Happy Birthday Jaialai!

Happy Birthday, Jaialai!!!!! We love you!

My most dearest Shosh and Jaialai:

Happy Birthday, Jaialai!!!! I hope 2021 brings you good health, much joy, and success in all your endeavors. Read the following for a good laugh.

This year, I want you boys to strive to focus on what’s important. One of the greatest of life’s skills is the ability to be discerning … to be able to separate the wheat from the chaff. Embrace the former, discard the latter.

Take time to think for yourselves, and not allow others to control your behaviors. You are the boss of you, remember? Don’t be lazy. It’s your life! Own it! Don’t let others tell you what to think, say, wear, eat, etc.

An unexamined life is not worth living. Assess yourselves. What are you doing right? What can be improved?

Don’t hang on to garbage. This applies to your own character traits, things, and people. Avoid Negative Nancies, for example. They will only drag you down with them. Eschew bad influences. Surround yourselves with good people. They are priceless and extremely hard to find, but the effort will be well worth it.

Continuous and incremental improvement, remember? Make a point to learn and grow a little each and every day. Don’t stress about the size and scope of the improvement. If you improve by a little every day, in a year’s time — by your next birthday — you will see how far you’ve grown.

Men are born incomplete. We are given certain talents, skills, and potentials at birth, and it will take a lifetime for each of us to maximize our individual gifts. That is what makes each of us unique and special. But that is also our individual burdens. (For example, I made the choices I made in life because that is my burden. How could I return to the cushy life as a graduate student on full scholarship at Duke University knowing that I could design and implement an Emergency Winter Shelter policy that would help prevent hypothermia in the homeless population? How could I return to the cushy life as a law student at a top school knowing that thousands of asylum seekers were being forcibly repatriated without due process? How could I enjoy my status as a rising star, called to meet repeatedly with corporate vice presidents, knowing that in order to maintain the status I must ignore their efforts to repeatedly and fraudulently deny potentially life saving medical procedures and benefits to consumers as they had for many years before my arrival? I couldn’t. I simply couldn’t.)

As hard as it may be, never squander your gifts. Don’t rest on your laurels. Work each day to hone your skills and improve yourselves so that you can better use your gifts for the betterment of your lives, your families, and your communities.

Most importantly, be kind to others. We each have our crosses to bear, and you never know what burdens another. ALWAYS, HELP IF YOU CAN, BUT NEVER HARM ANOTHER IF YOU CANNOT HELP THEM. It would be better if you simply walk away if you cannot help.

But “help” is a relative term best seen from the perspective of the person being helped. Sometimes, acknowledging another’s suffering and taking the time to listen to them means more to them than you can imagine. Remember the Platinum Rule: treat others AS THEY WANT TO BE TREATED. Keep their perspectives in mind as you endeavor to help them.

Don’t be a jerk and project your values, insecurities, and desires upon others. You are you, and they are them. Do you. Let them be them. For a country that once embraced the motto “Don’t Tread On Me!” America today is too often into everybody’s business but their own. As the Bible asks, why do you point out the sty in my eye and not see the log in your own?

The arrogance of trying to force others to be you is the root of much evil in this world. It is so commonplace that we don’t even stop to think about anymore. Just look at classic books that been banned because some busybody assholes took it upon themselves to deny others the right to read and determine for themselves whether they agree with the thoughts espoused by the authors. Just look at communities which have banned others others from eating certain types of food (e.g., foie gras), wearing certain articles of clothing, etc. Just look at the assholes tearing masks off the face of those trying to protect themselves and others during a deadly pandemic that has killed nearly 800,000 Americans and more than 5 million people worldwide, or prohibiting others from enforcing public health protocols such as mask wearing and social distancing. They should be ashamed of themselves!!!! May God have mercy on their souls for endangering the health and safety of others, particularly the most vulnerable among us who cannot be vaccinated — young children and those who are immunocompromised.

As a country and as a people, we frequently extol the virtues of individual freedom, God-given natural rights, and individual differences. Yet, we go out of our way to force others — both within our borders and outside of it — to be like us. “Be you, but be the version of you that I want you to be” is the message. We are liars and hypocrites.

You be better. Judge not others … unless absolutely necessary because their actions jeopardize your life and safety in some concrete and direct way. Until then, let them be them. So what if they dunk chicken nuggets into soda before eating it … as repeatedly shown in a video on social media? So what if Americans eat animal testicles (called “Rockie Mountain Oysters”)? Italians eat cheese crawling with live maggots (“Casu Marzu”)? French eat fried brains (“Sauteed Cervaux”) or deboned calf’s head (“Tete de Veau”)? Chinese and Japanese eat stinky tofu? It’s their delicacies, not yours. They are not forcing it upon you, so let them enjoy what they enjoy in peace. Don’t be judgy!!! Let them be!!!

You be you, my sons, but strive to be the best versions of you.

Be well. Stay safe.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad