In one study, Dr. Prinstein examined the two types of popularity in 235 adolescents, scoring the least liked, the most liked and the highest in status based on student surveys. “We found that the least well-liked teens had become more aggressive over time toward their classmates. But so had those who were high in status. It was a nice demonstration that while likability can lead to healthy adjustment, high status has just the opposite effect on us.”
Dr. Prinstein has also found that the qualities that made the neighbors want you on a play date — sharing, kindness, openness — carry over to later years and make you better able to relate and connect with others.
In analyzing his and other research, Dr. Prinstein came to another conclusion: Not only does likability correlate to positive life outcomes, but it is also responsible, he said, for those outcomes, too. “Being liked creates opportunities for learning and for new kinds of life experiences that help somebody gain an advantage,” he told me.
My Dearest Shosh and Jaialai:
Be nice, my sons. It costs you little, but the impact on others may be great. Everyone has his or her own cross to bear. Why worsen the burden when it could be lightened with kind words?
Our forebears say, “Twirl your tongues seven times before you speak.” That is sound advice.
Don’t worry about being the most popular. Studies show kids who peaked in popularity in primary and secondary schools tend to be stuck at those stages and do worse later in life. Be nice. Learn to work with others.
Help others. You’ll find that it will make you happier. This is why I have often volunteered when I have time. My one regret is that I didn’t involve you in my volunteerism while I had the opportunity.
All my love, always,
Oregon CPS couldn’t even safely care of the hundreds of thousands of children it had ripped from families at the slightest anonymous report, yet it continued to destroy more families and to destroy the very kids they are charged with protecting.
On Sept. 28, a former Give Us This Day staff member, Rachel Rosas, told the Senate interim Human Services Committee that children entrusted to the organization went hungry, slept in filthy beds that lacked sheets, and were regularly neglected. That treatment came in spite of state contracts that paid Give Us This Day a minimum of $118 per day per child.
The latest lawsuit was filed Thursday in Multnomah County Circuit Court. The three plaintiffs are seeking $16,320,000 in damages that could be trebled upon a guilty finding.
The lawsuit alleges the three victims – identified only as “AA,” “BB” and “CC” – are 9, 8 and 7 years old respectively and that they “suffered severe permanent and progressive personal injuries and traumas.”
DHS is accused of falling below the applicable standard of care.
The lawsuit claims the agency was negligent by:
- Failing to adequately perform reasonable screening of the victim’s foster placement
- Failing to adequately perform reasonable home study, certification and other background checks on the foster home, the people in the foster home and other children in the foster home.
- Failing to detect the presence of a potentially abusive environment
- Failing to protect the children when “DHS has actual or constructive” knowledge that there was an unreasonable risk of harm.
The children, the lawsuit claims, have been abused physically, emotionally and sexually.
“They have been exposed to pornographic material and sexual touching,” the lawsuit asserts.
Other allegations made in the lawsuit include:
- The children received “inferior” care and hygiene.
- DHS has “actual knowledge” that the children were being abused and neglected.
- DHS placed the three children in the care of parents who did not speak English.
Lawyers for two children in Oregon’s foster care system filed a federal class action lawsuit against the state Tuesday, alleging the Department of Human Services’ increasing practice of housing some children in hotels and offices violates federal and state laws.
A disproportionate share of the foster children parked in temporary quarters have mental disabilities including behavioral and psychiatric impairments, and the state has described them as “hard to place” with foster families and programs, according to the lawsuit. By housing these children in hotels, offices and even a juvenile detention facility, the state denied them access to the family-like environment and stability that it’s supposed to provide for all children in its care, it says.
That violates the Americans with Disabilities Act and other federal and state anti-discrimination and child welfare laws, the suit says.
“These children are disproportionately denied — by reason of their disability — the opportunity to benefit from a state program to provide safe, nurturing homes for children and from the mental health services offered by (the state),” lawyers wrote in a court filing.
We need not look far for human rights violations. We have human rights problems in own back yard. Let’s clean up that mess first before we look overseas.
Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
Matthew 7: 3-5.
My dearest Shosh and Jaialai:
I had a dream about you being bullied, Shosh, and it concerns me. Bullies exist. They always have. They are like cockroaches, scurrying out of reach when exposed to light or a more powerful presence and rushing back under the cover of darkness.
Never give in to bullies. Stand up for yourself and for each other. If you won’t fight for yourself, who will?
I am not an advocate for violence, but there is a time and a place for it. When faced with a bully, ramp up your responses as necessary. Say, “No! Stop!” If they don’t respond, scream for help or seek help. However, don’t be afraid to fight back. Yes, you may get beat up, but make sure you get your licks in. Make it count. If you hurt them back enough, they will think twice next time about bullying you.
I have faced them in school yards and in corporate suites. It is never a moment I relish, but neither is it something I shy away from.
Never allow them to get into your head and hurt you or your brother. Hurt them back. Make them regret it.
All my love, always.