11 years, 2 month, and 13 days. Never forget: we stand upon the shoulders of giants. Beware little men who think themselves giants.

My most dearest:

Remember to always give credit where credit is due. In school, this means remember to provide proper citations for your quotes and paraphrases. At work, attribute ideas and contributions to appropriate contributors.

We exist not in a vacuum, dreaming up new ideas on our own, fashioning them from nothingness. No, we stand upon the shoulders of the giants who came before us and paved the way. The clay from which we form our thoughts consists of hard-worn efforts of our forebears.

Beware small-minded fools and dullards who think they are the source of enlightenment and knowledge flows from them. More importantly, beware the fool that stares back at you in the mirror.

I came across this great post (below) and wanted to share it with you. You should also check out from the public library the book Isaac Newton by James Gleick.

Enjoy!

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

Standing on the Shoulders of Giants: The Story Behind Newton’s Famous Metaphor for How Knowledge Progresses

“Newton was so right about so many things,” cosmologist Janna Levin wrote in her magnificent meditation on madness and genius, “that it seems ungenerous to dwell on where he was wrong.” And yet in his day, even his most revolutionary rightness — especially his revolutionary rightness — was met with ungenerous opposition by his smaller-spirited peers. Chief among them was the English polymath Robert Hooke, whose famous rivalry with Newton resulted in humanity’s finest metaphor for how knowledge grows.

Science writer extraordinaire James Gleick, in his biographical masterwork Isaac Newton (public library), calls Hooke “Newton’s most enthusiastic antagonist,” his “goad, nemesis, tormentor, and victim.” Hooke, generally known for his curmudgeonly temperament and cynical disposition, reserved an especially caustic contempt for Newton, whose youthful genius aggrieved Hooke and aggravated his vain ego.

Where Hooke presented his ideas with unabashed hubris, Newton delivered his with humility — even if it was at times a false humility, for he too was a man animated by great ambition and in possession of a robust ego, it still stemmed from a hard realism about the fact that knowledge progresses not toward the definitive but toward the infinite.

Where Hooke bombastically proclaimed in his treatise on microscopes that “there is nothing so small, as to escape our inquiry,” Newton reported his own experiments on microscopy with the grounding caveat that the future would bring new instruments capable of magnifying four thousand times more powerfully, eventually making even the atom visible. Hooke, of course, was wrong and Newton right — something evidenced by our still-evolving understanding of matter five centuries later.

Newton’s humility sprang from an early and formative understanding of how knowledge builds upon itself, incrementally improving upon existing ideas until the cumulative adds up to the revolutionary. From a young age, he kept a commonplace book — a gift from his father, in which he copied passages from the books he read and supplemented them with extensive notes of his own, thus transmuting existing knowledge into original ideas. He named it his “Waste Book” — a testament to usefulness of useless knowledge and the combinatorial nature of creativity, or what his twentieth-century counterpart, Albert Einstein, would come to call “combinatory play.” This ability to originate by way of connection became the basic infrastructure of Newton’s mind — his singular superpower of perception.

Gleick writes:

When he observed the world it was as if he had an extra sense organ for peering into the frame or skeleton or wheels hidden beneath the surface of things. He sensed the understructure. His sight was enhanced, that is, by the geometry and calculus he had internalized. He made associations between seemingly disparate physical phenomena and across vast differences in scale. When he saw a tennis ball veer across the court at Cambridge, he also glimpsed invisible eddies in the air and linked them to eddies he had watched as a child in the rock-filled stream at Woolsthorpe. When one day he observed an air-pump at Christ’s College, creating a near vacuum in a jar of glass, he also saw what could not be seen, an invisible negative: that the reflection on the inside of the glass did not appear to change in any way. No one’s eyes are that sharp… He communed night and day with forms, forces, and spirits, some real and some imagined.

Hooke was different. The friction between the two men began even before Newton was elected a Fellow of the Royal Society in 1672. The previous year, the Society, where Hooke was curator of experiments, asked for a demonstration of the reflecting telescope Newton had invented three years earlier — known today as a Newtonian telescope, this then-revolutionary optical device for astronomical observation was significantly smaller than the refracting telescope that preceded it and used two mirrors instead of a lens to form an image by reflecting light. The invention led Newton to develop an entire theory of colors (which would later inspire Goethe’s theory of color and emotion).

Hooke immediately pounced on Newton’s ideas, dismissing them as mere “hypothesis” — a term Newton found particularly offensive. Hooke also boasted in private correspondence with members of the Royal Society that he had invented an even smaller and more powerful telescope himself three years before Newton, but hadn’t bothered to actually build it on account of the Great Plague that ravaged London at the time.

Fifteen months after he was elected to the Royal Society, Newton decided to withdraw from public debate — the incessant obstructionism by Hooke and other critics, who still remained merely epistolary bullies he was yet to meet in person, had started to wear down his sanity. Gleick writes:

He had discovered a great truth of nature. He had proved it and been disputed. He had tried to show how science is grounded in concrete practice rather than grand theories. In chasing a shadow, he felt, he had sacrificed his tranquillity.

But the private rivalry persisted. In 1675, Hooke alleged to have discovered what we now know as diffraction — the way light bends around a sharp edge. At the time, the nature of light was a mystery — some, like Descartes, considered it a particle, while others, like Hooke, thought it the product of motion. Because if an obstacle like an edge could stand in light’s path and bend it, diffraction supported the motion model, implying that light is a wave rather than a particle. (Today, we know that light can be both a particle and a wave, depending on how we measure it.)

This development excited Newton but, his mind by now an enormous commonplace book of knowledge, he recalled having read about diffraction experiments by a French Jesuit theologist, who built upon earlier ideas by a Bolognese mathematician — long before Hooke claimed the invention. He similarly challenged Hooke’s claims to originality in other aspects of the properties of light, urging the Royal Society to “cast out what [Hooke] has borrowed from Des Cartes or others.”

This recognition of the incremental, combinatorial character of knowledge came naturally to Newton, but even though the invention of the Gutenberg press two centuries earlier embodied it perfectly, it was still radical at the time. Gleick writes:

The idea of knowledge as cumulative — a ladder, or a tower of stones, rising higher and higher — existed only as one possibility among many. For several hundred years, scholars of scholarship had considered that they might be like dwarves seeing farther by standing on the shoulders of giants, but they tended to believe more in rediscovery than in progress.

This notion was particularly infuriating to Hooke, who saw any connection of his ideas to earlier ones not as a natural function of how science progresses but as an affront to his originality. He hungered to be seen as a giant — not as a dwarf who stood on the shoulders of giants — but hid his egomaniacal impulses behind the pretense of deference. He assured Newton that he was uninterested in a feud, that their experiments “aim both at the same thing which is the Discovery of truth” and as “two hard-to-yield contenders,” they should be able to “both endure to hear objections.”

And so, in their epistolary sparring, Newton’s famous metaphor was born — between pats of politesse, he delivered his legendary slap. Calling Hooke a “true Philosophical spirit,” he invited him to sort out their differences in private correspondence rather the public debate. In a letter penned on February 5, 1675, Newton wrote:

What’s done before many witnesses is seldome without some further concern than that for truth: but what passes between friends in private usually deserves the name of consultation rather than contest, & so I hope it will prove between you & me.

[…]

What Des-Cartes did was a good step. You have added much several ways, & especially in taking the colours of thin plates into philosophical consideration. If I have seen further it is by standing on the sholders of Giants.

Hooke, who as far as it is known never replied, maintained an antagonistic attitude toward Newton for the remainder of his life. However vast his intellect may have been, he revealed himself as far from a giant, for it is the mark of a small spirit to hide behind one-directional criticism while fleeing from intelligent two-way discourse.

As for the metaphor itself, it too is a meta-testament to Newton’s point — although he popularized it and immortalized it in his iconic language, it originated at least five centuries earlier and underwent several transmutations, including a famous one in Robert Burton’s 1621 masterpiece The Anatomy to Melancholy.

Gleick considers how Newton’s famous proclamation frames his paradoxical life and immensely far-reaching legacy:

Isaac Newton said he had seen farther by standing on the shoulders of giants, but he did not believe it. He was born into a world of darkness, obscurity, and magic; led a strangely pure and obsessive life, lacking parents, lovers, and friends; quarreled bitterly with great men who crossed his path; veered at least once to the brink of madness; cloaked his work in secrecy; and yet discovered more of the essential core of human knowledge than anyone before or after. He was chief architect of the modern world. He answered the ancient philosophical riddles of light and motion, and he effectively discovered gravity. He showed how to predict the courses of heavenly bodies and so established our place in the cosmos. He made knowledge a thing of substance: quantitative and exact. He established principles, and they are called his laws.

Solitude was the essential part of his genius. As a youth he assimilated or rediscovered most of the mathematics known to humankind and then invented the calculus — the machinery by which the modern world understands change and flow — but kept this treasure to himself. He embraced his isolation through his productive years, devoting himself to the most secret of sciences, alchemy. He feared the light of exposure, shrank from criticism and controversy, and seldom published his work at all. Striving to decipher the riddles of the universe, he emulated the complex secrecy in which he saw them encoded…

“I don’t know what I may seem to the world,” he said before he died, “but, as to myself, I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the sea-shore, and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me.”

Gleick’s Isaac Newton (public library) remains not only one of the finest biographies ever written, but a foundational text for anyone seeking to understand how the modern world as we know it came into view. Complement it with Hegel on knowledge and the true task of the human mind.

https://www.themarginalian.org/2016/02/16/newton-standing-on-the-shoulders-of-giants/

11 years, 2 months, and 20 days. Help if you can, but do no harm if you cannot help.

My most dearest:

Too often, we unnecessarily over complicate life. I believe, truly, that it is as Robert Fulgrum entitled his book, All I Really Need to Know, I learned in Kindergaren.

Those lessons sit upon the bedrock of the lesson you learned from Teacher Mary in preschool: you are the boss of you and of nobody else. You have control over but yourself, not others, not life, not the circumstances in which you find yourselves.

Given these fundamental truths, be kind to others you encounter in the world. You never know what burdens they carry … just as no one knows the burden you carry for having our once happy family destroyed by those given to evil intentions.

If you can, always help those in need of your help. Be it purchasing a meal for the hungry, diapers for the poor baby, planting a community garden, or offering a smile or kind word to someone invisible or wishing he/she were invisible.

If you cannot help, do no harm. Do NOT make things worse.

Our fundamental human rights have both positive aspects (e.g., the right to basic necessities of life: to be free to make decisions over our bodies and our health, the right to honest work in exchange for fair pay, and the right to read or learn whatever we wish) and negative aspects (e.g., the right to be free of adverse interference by others: to not have our families interfered with by Busybody Bobs and Nosy Nancys, to not be forced to study the religions and dogmas of others, and to not be harmed on account of the color of our skin or the religion to which we subscribe).

Too often, paternalistic know-it-alls force their ideas upon us, pretending they know better. They know shit. For example, having never been shot, I cannot imagine the pain associated with being shot. However, having passed a kidney stone, I can tell you of the great suffering that entailed.

Only arrogant assholes pretend to know what they have never experienced. They may think they “know” in the abstract from readings, etc., however, that is but intellectual arrogance. One who has never tasted true love can quote Shakespeare until the Hale-Bop Comet returns, but his/her soul will remain as a shriveled seed until it is filled with true love and understanding of what it means to live for another.

It has been said that living is easy; it is living right that is hard. Yes and No. It is NOT hard in the complicated sense. Living right isn’t complicated. It IS hard in the sense of self-discipline. To do the right thing when all those in the peanut gallery encourage you to do otherwise can be challenging. We see this daily when the crowd mocks the Different — different in rags and second-hand attire, different in stinky home-cooked ethnic food brought for lunch, different in perspective on life, etc. — and people go along despite having internal reservations.

Living right is hard, but live right anyway. At the end of day, that is all that matters. That is the stuff from which your character is formed. That is the stuff no one can take from you no matter if they take your family, your home, your career, your freedom, or even your life.

The master of those given to evil and evil-intentions will reclaim what is rightfully his.

You worry not of them. Live right: help others and do no harm.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

11 years, 2 months, and 14 days. Seek the rarest of creatures on this green Earth: kind souls.

My most dearests:

Since my days as a whistleblower — when I lost my 15-year legal career and 13-year marriage — I learned that kind hearts are the rarest gifts you’ll ever find in life. My mission hence has been to find and befriend as many kind souls as I can.

It’s not an easy task. Kinds souls are often quietly going about their business of being kinds and helping others. They seek not acknowledgement for their efforts and are rarely among those receiving limelight … although it may come as a by-product of who they are.

Judge not people by their words, how they are received by others, or the labels by which they are known.

Watch their actions. Note if their conducts come from the heart … not some verses in some dog-eared texts, some from societal expectations or rewards, or some sources external to themselves.

Treasure those who are kind because that is who they are. Worry not about their looks, whether their words are polished, what their pedigree may be. Their beauty comes from within. They are the salt of the earth.

You should be so luck if they call you friend.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

11 years, 2 months, and 8 days. Happiness springs from doing good and helping others — Plato

US falls out of world’s top 20 happiest countries list for the first time ever

World Happiness Report reveals country dropped from 15th to 23rd place, driven in part by a decline in happiness among young people.

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2024/mar/20/world-happiness-report-happiest-countries

My dearest:

The pursuit of happiness is a fool’s errand. Not that the goal is unworthy, but the path to attainment is often wrong. Why? Psychology disfavors the oft-chosen path to happiness: the obtainment of things.

From the moment we open our eyes in the morning to the moment we close them at night, we are bombarded with messages from all corners about how we need this or that to make us happy. Lies. All lies. Things achieve but momentary joy, not true happiness, because people are hard-wired to adapt. What’s new will shortly become the new normal. Thus, that new jacket you had longed for, once purchased, will soon become just another item taking up closet space. The infatuation will wear off, and you’ll be on the hunt for the next best thing.

No, I firmly believe it is as Viktor Frankl and countless other wise ones have suggested: happiness ensues as the unintended consequence of dedicating yourself to a cause greater than yourself or to the service of another beside yourself.

Be happy. Be good and helpful to those in need.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

11 years, 2 months, and 7 days. Live right and fully: embrace not tepid lives.

One of John F. Kennedy’s favorite quotations, which he attributed to Dante, was that “The hottest places in Hell are reserved for those who in time of moral crisis preserve their neutrality.” Of course Dante never actually said that, but the sense of the statement is clearly to be found in these lines from the third canto of the Inferno. The final line of this passage, non ragioniam di lor, ma guarda e passa emerged as a colloquialism in modern Italian, used in avoiding discussion of persons deemed unworthy of attention.

https://harpers.org/2010/10/dante-the-curse-on-those-who-do-nothing-in-the-face-of-evil/

Here sighs with lamentations and loud moans
Resounded through the air pierc’d by no star,
That e’en I wept at entering.  Various tongues,
Horrible languages, outcries of woe,
Accents of anger, voices deep and hoarse,
With hands together smote that swell’d the sounds,
Made up a tumult, that for ever whirls
Round through that air with solid darkness stain’d,
Like to the sand that in the whirlwind flies.

I then, with error yet encompass’d, cried:
“O master! What is this I hear? What race
Are these, who seem so overcome with woe?”

He thus to me: “This miserable fate
Suffer the wretched souls of those, who liv’d
Without or praise or blame, with that ill band
Of angels mix’d, who nor rebellious prov’d
Nor yet were true to God, but for themselves
Were only.  From his bounds Heaven drove them forth,
Not to impair his lustre, nor the depth
Of Hell receives them, lest th’ accursed tribe
Should glory thence with exultation vain.”

I then: “Master! what doth aggrieve them thus,
That they lament so loud?” He straight replied:
“That will I tell thee briefly. These of death
No hope may entertain: and their blind life
So meanly passes, that all other lots
They envy. Fame of them the world hath none,
Nor suffers; mercy and justice scorn them both.
Speak not of them, but look, and pass them by.”

And I, who straightway look’d, beheld a flag,
Which whirling ran around so rapidly,
That it no pause obtain’d: and following came
Such a long train of spirits, I should ne’er
Have thought, that death so many had despoil’d.

When some of these I recogniz’d, I saw
And knew the shade of him, who to base fear
Yielding, abjur’d his high estate.  Forthwith
I understood for certain this the tribe
Of those ill spirits both to God displeasing
And to his foes.  These wretches, who ne’er lived,
Went on in nakedness, and sorely stung
By wasps and hornets, which bedew’d their cheeks
With blood, that mix’d with tears dropp’d to their feet,
And by disgustful worms was gather’d there.

https://www.owleyes.org/text/dantes-inferno/read/canto-3#root-422362-1

My most dearest:

I beseech you: live a life worthy of yourselves. Do your best to live right and live fully. Engage in things of import to you — be it environmental protection, child development, or videophotography — no matter your skill level nor the critiques of those in the peanut galleries and the spectators in the arena of life.

Resist the temptation to rest on the sidelines with countless others, temporarily comforted by the convenience of their silence and neutrality. Hell has no use for them … neither does Heaven.

I wish I had engaged you in volunteerism while I was able and shared with you more of my experiences and lessons learned therefrom. You were too young, I foolishly thought. Now, that opportunity has been taken from us.

If you seek sagely advice on how best to live, you could do much worse than listen to the words of George Bernard Shaw:

A Splendid Torch

This is the true joy of life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.

I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the community, and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can.

I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. Life is no ‘brief candle’ to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for a moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.

George Bernard Shaw

Or the advice of Ralph Waldo Emerson:

What is Success?

To win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children;

To earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;

To leave the world a bit better, whether by
a healthy child, a garden patch
or a redeemed social condition;

To know even one life has breathed
easier because you have lived;

This is to have succeeded.

https://medium.com/@dennisnafte/what-is-success-dae5fe4bc410

Or the advice of Emily Dickinson:

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.

https://www.thoughtco.com/emily-dickinson-quotes-p2-2831319

Live, my beloved. Embrace fully life and each moment it offers.

As we know from our bitter experience, those moments do not last.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

10 years, 9 months, and 20 days (3,946 days). Be Better.

My most precious children:

Strive to be a better person today then you were yesterday. That is all anyone can ever ask of you.

With rare exceptions, there will always be people who are smarter, stronger, faster, etc., than you. But that is OK. Let them be them. You just be the best version of you and make the best use of the tools and gifts you’ve been graced with. Remember the words of Teacher Mary: “You are only the boss of you!”

Today, I leave you with quotes and thoughts from my betters.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

Rudyard Kipling – If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run –
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man my son!

Posted in Poetry, Quotes

Recent Updates

——————-

A Splendid Torch

This is the true joy of life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.

I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the community, and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can.

I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. Life is no ‘brief candle’ to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for a moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.

George Bernard Shaw

A Splendid Torch by George Bernard Shaw

—————-

The Problem With Being Too Nice. What Matters More.

Jorge Fusaro

August 9, 2023

Kindness can strengthen relationships, build inclusive communities, and positively impact business.

The terms “kindness” and “niceness” are often used interchangeably. This is a mistake. There is a profound distinction between the two, by definition and in practice. “Nice” is often used as a catch-all term associated with being pleasant, agreeable, polite, and compliant. Kindness goes beyond the surface level and involves genuine care, empathy, and respect. 

This article explores the problem of being excessively nice and advocates for kindness that transforms relationships, communities, and businesses.

Previously, I prided myself on being a nice guy, but my niceness historically led to disillusionment and heartbreak. I would easily agree with what others preferred or proposed, adjusting my calendar and preferences accordingly. In retrospect, these choices were made to avoid conflict, rejection, or being disliked by others. I wanted to please everyone so that I could be liked by everyone. And of course, we know that is impossible and leads to frustration.

The Problem of Being Too Nice

While being nice seems like a desirable trait, it comes with several consequences. One of the main problems with being nice is pleasing others first and ignoring our personal needs, opinions, and boundaries.

Excessive niceness often stems from a fear of disappointing others, causing conflict, or facing rejection. This can lead to disempowerment and vulnerability, creating a power dynamic where individuals may become susceptible to manipulation, exploitation, and abuse. Research by Christine Reyes Loya suggests that agreeable people in the workplace are more likely to experience harassment, bullying, and mistreatment. Similarly, being overly nice in personal relationships can put people in vulnerable positions of being exploited or dominated.

In her book, The Disease to Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome, clinical psychologist and best selling author, Harriet B. Braiker, PhD wrote “Niceness is the psychological armor of the people-pleaser.” A people-pleaser is “deeply attached to seeing themselves ― and to being certain that others see them ― as nice people.”

Our upbringing, educational institutions, and societal norms have ingrained the value of niceness in us. Family, schools, religious institutions, and even children’s games, literature, and music perpetuate the notion of being nice. However, as a recent parent, I aim to raise my children to be kind rather than nice. I want them to embody qualities such as goodness, love, thoughtfulness, respect, joy, and assertiveness, without being nice to others to gain acceptance or approval. 

Love is Kind

While kindness seems like a buzzword these days, it is not new. It has been a topic of interest since the age of ancient philosophers and prophets as well as in modern studies of psychology and religion. 

Aristotle defined kindness in Book II of Rhetoric as “helpfulness towards someone in need, not in return for anything, nor for the advantage of the helper himself, but for that of the person helped.” He is often quoted as saying: “It is the characteristic of the magnanimous man to ask no favour, but to be ready to do kindness to others.” 

Plato was emphatic and emotional in tune with the need of others when he wrote: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”

Kindness is a central theme in the Bible and considered one of the nine “fruit of the Spirit” in Galatians 5:22-23: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,gentleness and self-control.”

The Apostle Paul, In 1 Corinthians 13:4, states, “Love is patient, love is kind”. The act of loving cannot exist without kindness as love is kind. The rest of the passage is important as it expands on Paul’s definition of love and how its shaped by kindness: “… It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Cor 13:5-7).” Notice that the Apostle did not describe a love that is nice, but a love that is kind and truly transforming and authentic.

Modern psychologists and social scientists have further explored the consequences of excessive niceness, such as people-pleasing behaviors and boundary issues and the transformative power of kindness. Research has shown that kindness may be the most important predictor of stability and satisfaction in marriage. As our society continues to evolve, we are more aware of the importance of authenticity, personal empowerment, and healthy relationships.

Kindness over Niceness in Practice

Hopefully, the next time someone tells you to “be nice,” you will understand the true meaning behind their words. Let’s examine some examples with the words of French mathematician and philosopher Blaise Pascal in mind: “Kind words do not cost much. Yet they accomplish much.”

• A nice person might say to a sick neighbor, “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling unwell,” a kind person would go the extra mile and drop off some food or groceries to provide practical support.
• A nice teacher or mentor may glance at your artwork and say, “Nice work,” but a kind person would offer constructive criticism that you may not like, but will genuinely help you improve your craft.
• A nice individual might choose to ignore or pretend they didn’t hear a racial slur, a sexist joke, or a demeaning comment in the workplace or among friends, just to avoid conflict and keep the peace. In contrast, a kind person would question the humor behind such remarks, saying, “Why is this funny?” They would respectfully confront the speaker, not only for their personal growth but also for the group’s betterment. This exemplifies how kindness is benevolent.
• In a school setting, a nice peer might privately connect with someone who is being bullied, saying, “I’m sorry you’re going through this. Be strong.” Conversely, a kind person would speak up or stand at the moment, confronting the bullies or seeking the assistance of a teacher to intervene.

As illustrated in the examples above, being “nice” accomplishes very little in terms of effecting change in the status quo. However, kindness transforms you into an ally and a change agent. It empowers you to stand up against any type of abuse, gender-based violence, sexual assault, and the everyday microaggressions we encounter.

By choosing kindness, we become catalysts for positive transformation. We actively work towards creating a more just and inclusive society, making a difference in the lives of those affected by discrimination and oppression. Kindness moves beyond empty words or gestures, fostering empathy, understanding, and actionable change.

Kindness goes a long way

Grounded in compassion, genuine empathy, and respect for others, kindness holds tremendous potential for positive change. As stated above, choosing kindness over niceness can bring about profound transformations in relationships, communities, and business.

1. Relationships: Kindness fosters healthier and more fulfilling relationships. Kindness creates an environment where trust can flourish. Kindness promotes open communication, conflict resolution, and the building of mutually supportive connections.
2. Communities: Kindness is a catalyst for positive change in communities. A study conducted at the University of California, Berkeley, revealed that witnessing acts of kindness can have a contagious effect, inspiring others to engage in prosocial behavior (voluntary behavior intended to benefit another). By practicing kindness in our communities, we can bridge divides, and work collectively towards a more inclusive society. 
3. Business: Kindness has not been part of the business vernacular until recently. Organizations that prioritize kindness foster healthier work environments, leading to enhanced job satisfaction, reduced turnover, and increased performance. Kindness can boost morale and productivity in the workplace.

The distinction between kindness and niceness does not necessarily imply an “either/or” scenario. While it is possible to exhibit both kindness and niceness in certain situations, understanding their distinctions is crucial. 

Kindness runs deeper and adds way more value to the giver as much as the receiver.

Choosing kindness over niceness can yield transformative outcomes, strengthen relationships, build inclusive communities, and positively impact business cultures. 

Kindness is a force for positive change in the world.

Be kind, not nice.

The Problem With Being Too Nice. What Matters More.

10 years, 5 months, and 19 days. Two clarifications and a resume tip for job searches.

My most precious children:

I hope you are well and enjoying the warm days of summer. Remember to make time to get outside and enjoy nature and each other’s company. It won’t hurt you to deny yourself a couple hours of screentime to go explore.

Anyway, without further ado, let me get into the three clarifications that I’ve been meaning to make with respect to these posts.

First, you will note that in the earlier years, some posts are no more than titles. Those were the really dark days. At times, I could barely sit still and not scream myself hoarse. I couldn’t read. I couldn’t write. The pain of losing you was too raw. I couldn’t even bring myself to listen to the music on my laptop or look at pictures of our life together before the corrupt scums of the earth destroyed our family.

Second, in retrospect, at first blush, it appears some of my words of advice conflict. For example, at times it appeared I advised you to do you and not worry about the opinions of others while at other times, I appear to suggest you must try to be likeable as it is an important ingredient to success. The clarification goes to the latter. My point was that you should be kind and compassionate, not be a sycophant to pander to others for “likes”, etc. Be you, but be the best version of you: kind, considerate, hardworking, thoughtful, gracious, forgiving, etc.

Don’t be assholes. Be kind, but don’t worry about whether someone will like you. Haters will hate and find reasons to hate. It’s about them, not you.

Third, I should state upfront that life is about making the right choices in the moment. Mistakes will be made. It’s okay. That’s part of life. The failure is in the not learning from those mistakes, not in the making of mistakes.

I too struggle with being attentive, listening to understand versus to argue, being present and attune to the need of my love at the present moment instead of some future moment I hope to achieve for us, being patient with myself as well as others, accepting the limitations of my actions and appreciating the challenges faced by others (challenges and insecurities which may dictate their course of actions which may or may not have anything to do with me and my actions), etc.

Life is a learning curve. Try to be better today than you were yesterday.

Strive to be better, but also learn to be patient with yourself.

OK, with that, onto resume tip.

5 Résumé Mistakes You’re Making That’ll Land You in the AI Black Hole

While avoiding common résumé mistakes and deciding what to put and what not to put on your résumé, don’t overlook the fact that the first “eyes” on your résumé don’t always belong to a human. Those “eyes” are likely to be part of an algorithm that filters résumés for relevance. If you want to craft a winning résumé that lands you the job, you have to be aware of what AI will pick up on and what résumé mistakes will land you in the AI black hole.

“When used as a tool, AI can allow older job seekers to leverage their experience,” says Mauro F. Guillén, Dean of the Cambridge Judge Business School and author of The Perennials: The Megatrends Creating a Postgenerational Society. “When crafting a résumé or CV, job seekers should emphasize their ability to adopt a 360-degree view based on their experience,” Guillén says. “This is especially true of older workers, who have the opportunity to benefit disproportionately from AI when used correctly. Understanding how the technology works will be critical for both the application process and for the future of work.”

The line between asking AI to help us write our résumés and AI throwing our résumés in the trash is a fine one. Here are five résumé mistakes that’ll land you in the AI black hole….

https://www.msn.com/en-us/money/other/5-résumé-mistakes-you-re-making-that-ll-land-you-in-the-ai-black-hole/ar-AA1dbLUV

Be well.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

10 years, 5 months, 1 day. Be helpful: be happy.

If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap.
If you want happiness for a day, go fishing.
If you want happiness for a month, get married.
If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody else.

— Chinese Proverb

My most dearest children:

Family is the greatest gift that can be bestowed upon a human being. We are blessed with siblings of different temperaments and personalities to better prepare us for life, where we will encounter a huge variety of people. Some, we will bond with and love instantly. Others will be more of an acquired taste. Some will be worth their weights in gold. Others are agents of darkness, turning to dust all they touch.

Take good care of your siblings. They have their faults and insecurities, but they are more likely to be truthful to you for your benefit.

Be wary of strangers, especially those generous with unwarranted praises and lofty words. They may be genuine, but watch their actions closely first to see if their actions match their words. Too often, those two don’t meet.

Most importantly, be happy. Find joy in your life, wherever it may be.

The secret of happiness is no mystery. From ancient times to present, we know service to others is a key component. Man is hardwired to adapt, so efforts to please ourselves will inevitably fail for we will always desire more and new — until the new becomes the new normal and our desires and appetite demand more.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

I’m a psychology expert in Finland, the No. 1 happiest country in the world—here’s the real meaning of life in 5 words.

As a Finnish philosopher and psychology researcher, people often ask me: “What is the meaning of life?” 

But the bigger question isn’t about some cosmic meaning of life. It’s about how to find meaning in life. What makes life feel worthy and valuable to you?

For six years in a row, Finland has ranked No. 1 as the happiest country in the world. And having lived here my entire life, I’ve learned that finding meaning in life boils down to five words: Make yourself meaningful to others. 

You can do this by opening yourself up to deep connections with both your community and your passions. Here’s how:

1. Live for yourself, not someone else’s expectations.

There tends to be less status anxiety in Finland because people aren’t so concerned about adhering to a rigid, societal definition of success.

It can be hard to live with purpose if you’re going through the motions, burned out, or filled with resentment because you’re on a path that someone else picked for you. Even a meaningful job like being a doctor can feel empty if your heart isn’t in it.

Before you can give to someone else, you have to understand what makes you happy, and start doing more of it.

2. Become an expert and share your knowledge.

One of the best ways to serve others is to find something that meets three requirements:

1. You’re good at it.
2. It excites you.
3. It has a positive impact on others.

Once you’ve found a job or a hobby that makes you feel fulfilled, put all your focus into becoming an expert in it. Then share it with your community.

3. Practice random acts of kindness.

In my courses on well-being, I encourage students to do three random acts of kindness a day. It can be as simple as offering a glass of water to the mailman, spending an afternoon with a grandparent, or helping a tourist find their way. 

It’s incredibly uplifting to hear about the unexpected deep bonds that my students develop with others as a result.

Helping people doesn’t just feel good in the moment; it benefits your long-term health, too. Studies show that people who give emotional support to their family, friends and neighbors are more likely to live longer.

4. Be a good neighbor.

Talkoot is an old Finnish word that translates to “working together to do something that one would not be able to do alone.”

In agricultural times, when someone had a big project at their farm, such as building a barn roof, they’d hold a talkoot. Neighbors would gather voluntarily and put in a day’s work to help, then celebrate with food and drinks.

The tradition carries on to this day. Last summer, my neighborhood spent an afternoon planting trees. That evening, we set up tables and had a jolly evening with snacks and beverages.

This kind of culture extends to why Finnish people often feel positively about civic duties like paying taxes. They see it as essential for the good of the whole.

5. Embrace quiet time together.

People don’t need to make grand gestures to be an important part of your life. Being together in silence is enough to make us feel connected and loved.

For me, going to the sauna with my father or a friend, then silently sitting outside of it and watching nature — the waves of the sea crashing to the shore, the birds singing, the trees humming in the wind — are moments of deep meaning and connection.

As the Finnish saying goes: “Speech is silver, but silence is gold.”

Frank Martela, PhD, is a Finnish philosopher and psychology researcher who studies the fundamentals of happiness. He is a lecturer at Aalto University in Finland and the author of ”A Wonderful Life: Insights on Finding a Meaningful Existence.” Follow him on @frankmartela.

https://www.cnbc.com/2023/06/09/psychology-expert-from-finland-the-worlds-happiest-country-shares-the-meaning-of-life-in-5-words.html

10 years, 4 months, 11 days. Life is NOT a popularity contest: popularity plays no role in doing the right thing.

… or others’ opinions about good or evil.

My dearest children:

I saw a great movie today: To Catch a Killer. It has made my list of all time favorite. The movie is a great take on the age-old theme shown in movies like The Accidental Tourist — in life, to do what you want to do, you must play along and accept the other nonsense that comes with it. In To Catch a Killer, even as a brilliant FBI agent and his two trusted colleagues struggle to identify and catch a cold-blooded mass shooter, in order to able to continue to do their job and achieve their objective, they must also fight cowardly “politicians” who are more interested in covering their asses and getting recognition then protecting American lives. In the movie, despite finding and stopping the killer, the cowardly “politicians” won in the end because they’d forced out our team of heroes and threatened to destroy the protagonist’s career if she did not agree to tow the line, accept their lies, and give them credit despite their incompetence, which had caused numerous unnecessary deaths. I wished the movie would have ended with her secretly recording their backroom deals and exposing them for all the world to see, but that would have been too easy: life is messy.

What resonates with me is that, despite claims of meritocracy, talents are rarely enough for success in America, where HR is firstly concerned about how well you will fit into the team or organization. The common American workplace mantras include “Go along to get along” and “Don’t rock the boat.” In fact, as is my experience, regardless of you excel at your job, you will soon find yourself on the out if you do not pander to the in-crowd.

(FYI, you may wonder why I haven’t posted any new letter as of late, but had time to watch a movie. Let me assure you, it is not because I forgot about you. The fact is I have been getting up before daylight to fight for you and am at a loss as to what else I can do to advance our fight. I have done everything I could think of and continue to read and explore new channels of attack, but the truth is I’m not making much progress and it is killing me. The stress of not knowing what else to do is overwhelming. When I take action, there is little stress as I am doing what I am supposed to be doing: fighting for you. It is when I am stuck that I am most distressed as it means my fight for you has stalled. Because my mind is unsettled, I cannot read. Thus, I watched a movie for relief.)

The following headline from today’s papers again reminded me of how life can be a popularity contest:

Fox News Axes Investigative Unit Following Dominion Voting Systems Settlement: Report

https://news.yahoo.com/fox-news-axes-investigative-unit-183912300.html?guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly9kdWNrZHVja2dvLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAANr-vCyYqSTcgaYfLFSz5DNnaLS49tVzPuEdyCO8TYq6LjFdWUylHJZD975NeuTeaplgXOjFB1yAINjSqk0C28svqTVWeEOJXuInLxZwOztvFUrf6SzsZascmzmKNellNS1Rmkr1jhxE8hMYWFZ-aGODfBDVesehAsVe6gin9Yeh&_guc_consent_skip=1684659259

I suspect there might be some within that crowd who suspended their trainings and morals in order to remain in good standing with the in-crowd at Fox and keep their employment. Apparently, it was all for naught.

In America’s corporate culture, employees are but cogs in a wheel, expendable when convenient or economically useful for the leadership — be it because of new technology or legal/political fall out.

If going along won’t save you, why not just do what’s right? At least you’ll be able to live with yourself. If you’re any good, those of quality and moral value will find you. So, instead of expending wasted energy on popularity games, focus instead on honing your skills, being your best, and doing right.

I cannot promise you an easy life if you pursue this path, but I can promise that you will have pride in yourself and your accomplishments, things that no one can take from you. Your job is NEVER assured in the U.S. as it adheres to an at-will employment philosophy. That means they can fire you at will, and you can fire them (i.e., quit) at will.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

10 years, 3 months, and 15 days. Be confident: believe in yourself

My dearest children:

It has been an incredibly difficult week, not the least of which was because I was bedridden for two days and couldn’t keep anything down, but because as soon as I was up I suffered betrayal. But, as Ralph Waldo Emerson suggested, enduring the betrayal of a false friend is part of the experience of living.

Without further ado, let’s get into the meat of this post.

Confidence has two variety: (1) belief in being the truth of the matter asserted, and (2) belief in self. As discussed below by another much more eloquent than I, the latter is of greater importance and the key point I want you to take away from this post.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

There are 2 types of confidence. Here’s the one that Jeff Bezos has—and why people judge you on it the most

Confidence is one of those words that we use to mean different things without even realizing it.

One is what psychologists call “epistemic confidence,” or certainty. How sure you are about what’s true? If you say, “I’m 99% positive he’s lying” or “I guarantee this will work,” you’re displaying epistemic confidence.

Then there’s “social confidence,” or self-assuredness. When you’re in a group setting, do you act like you deserve to be there, like you’re secure in yourself and in your role? If you speak as if you’re worth listening to, you’re displaying social confidence.

Why social confidence is more valuable

We tend to conflate both types of confidence. It’s easy to picture, for example, a leader pumping up his team with an inspiring pep talk about how there’s no doubt in his mind that they’re going to succeed. It’s also easy to picture someone lacking in both types, stammering nervously, “Uh, I’m not really sure what we should do here.”

But epistemic confidence and social confidence don’t have to be a package deal. In fact, some of the most successful — and likable — people have more of the latter.

Just look at Jeff Bezos. In a 2012 blog post, Jason Fried, co-founder of Basecamp, recounts a time when the Amazon founder stopped by his company’s headquarters to do a Q&A session.

In one of his answers, Bezos shared an interesting insight: “People who are right a lot change their minds often.”

Individuals who embrace this type of thinking are often remarkably self-assured. Like Bezos, they are not afraid to express uncertainty, and they can hold a crowd’s attention when they speak.

Social confidence also involves how you carry yourself. Bezos’ big break came in the spring of 1996, when he received a visit from John Doerr, a partner at Kleiner Perkins — one of the most prestigious venture capital firms in Silicon Valley. Doerr left that meeting wowed by Amazon and ready to invest.

What exactly sold Doerr on Amazon?

“I walked into the door and this guy with a boisterous laugh who was just exuding energy comes bounding down the steps. In that moment, I wanted to be in business with Jeff,” Doerr said in an interview with Brad Stone, author of “The Everything Store: Jeff Bezos and the Age of Amazon.”

Doerr was also impressed with the ease of movement in Bezos’ technical proficiency. When he was asked about Amazon’s volume of daily transactions, and Bezos was able to pull up the answer with a few keystrokes, Doerr “swooned.”

Benjamin Franklin is another example. He was brimming with social confidence — famously charming, witty and ebullient. Yet he paired his abundance of social confidence with an intentional lack of epistemic confidence. It was a practice he had started when he was young, according to several of his biographies.

After noticing that people were more likely to reject his arguments when he used firm language like “certainly” and “undoubtedly,” Franklin trained himself to avoid these expressions, prefacing his statements instead with caveats like “I think…” or “If I’m not mistaken…”

Over time, Franklin became one of the most influential people in American history.

People judge you based on your social confidence

Franklin and Bezos’ experiences suggest that, when it comes to the impression you make on people, being more self-assured is better than expressing certainty — and research agrees.

In a 2012 study, university students worked together in small groups while researchers videotaped their interactions. The researchers then showed the video to a separate group of people and asked them to rate how confident and capable each of the students seemed.

The ratings given to each student were predominantly based on how much social confidence they displayed. So the more a student participated in conversation and had a relaxed demeanor, the more competent they appeared to the viewer. By comparison, the students’ epistemic confidence (e.g., how sure they said they were about their estimate on something) hardly mattered.

Another study investigated the same question using actors trained to display combinations of the two types of confidence. The results were similar. Whether or not participants judged an actor to be confident and likable depended largely on social cues, such as making eye contact, speaking evenly and using decisive hand gestures.

How to be more socially confident

Some people bemoan the fact that “superficial” things like posture and voice make such a difference in how we judge each other.

But projecting competence doesn’t require self-deception. You can boost your social confidence by practicing to speak up in groups, hiring a speech coach, dressing better, improving your posture — all without compromising your vision and values.

Lastly, seek to inspire without overpromising. There are a lot of ways to get people psyched about an idea or opinion without having to lie to them or be overconfident about the chances of success.

You can paint a vivid picture of the world you want to create. You can speak from the heart about why you personally care about an issue. You can share real stories of people who have benefitted from your product. All of these techniques make a difference in how people see you, and none of them require you to make unrealistic claims.

On YouTube, there’s an early video interview with Bezos from 1997. As he enthuses about his vision for the future of internet commerce, it’s easy to see why investors found his excitement contagious:

“I mean, it’s just incredible,” he says in the video. “This is day one. This is the very beginning. This is the Kitty Hawk stage of electronic commerce. We’re moving forward in so many different areas, and lots of different compares are as well, in the late 20th century! It’s a great time to be alive, you know? […] I think a millennia from now, people are doing to look back and say, ‘Wow, the late 20th century was really a great time to be alive on this planet!’”

It’s a speech that communicated vision, conviction and compassion — and it didn’t require Bezos to pretend that his startup would be a sure bet.

Julia Galef is the host of the podcast Rationally Speaking and author of “The Scout Mindset: Why Some People See Clearly and Others Don’t.” She co-founded the Center for Applied Rationality and has consulted for organizations such as OpenAI and the Open Philanthropy Project. Julia’s 2016 TED Talk “Why You Think You’re Right Even If You’re Wrong” has been viewed nearly 5 million times. Follow her on Twitter @JuliaGalef.

https://www.cnbc.com/2021/06/03/the-type-of-confidence-jeff-bezos-has-and-why-it-makes-you-more-likable.html