5 years, 8 months, and 7 days. We are but stewards of our planets and our talents; it is our duty to nurture and not squander each.

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My dearest Shosh and Jaialai:

Too often, people blind themselves to problems occurring outside their homes and occupy themselves only to what immediately affects their own lives.  They leave the problems at large (e.g., pollution, injustice, fascism, racism, environmental degradation, etc.) to the care of others.  This is known as the “free-ridership problem”.

Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy explains the problem as follows:

In many contexts, all of the individual members of a group can benefit from the efforts of each member and all can benefit substantially from collective action. For example, if each of us pollutes less by paying a bit extra for our cars, we all benefit from the reduction of harmful gases in the air we breathe and even in the reduced harm to the ozone layer that protects us against exposure to carcinogenic ultraviolet radiation (although those with fair skin benefit far more from the latter than do those with dark skin). If all of us or some subgroup of us prefer the state of affairs in which we each pay this bit over the state of affairs in which we do not, then the provision of cleaner air is a collective good for us. (If it costs more than it is worth to us, then its provision is not a collective good for us.)

Unfortunately, my polluting less does not matter enough for anyone—especially me—to notice. Therefore, I may not contribute my share toward not fouling the atmosphere. I may be a free rider (or freerider) on the beneficial actions of others. This is a compelling instance of the logic of collective action, an instance of such grave import that we pass laws to regulate the behavior of individuals to force them to pollute less.

https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/free-rider/

Greater minds than mine have argued the morality of free-ridership, i.e., whether it is immoral for me to sponge off another or whether it is immoral for another to impose their collective will upon me.  Id.  But, I think they miss the point: I have a moral obligation to not waste finite resources.  For example, if I were given a basket of food sufficient to feed 10 people, would it not be morally wrong and morally repugnant of me to pick a few items out of the basket then waste the rest as target practice, especially when there are others who go without food and could have used the food I wasted?  If that’s true and if my moral duty is to keep myself alive and not burden others, then my obligations must include nurturing and making the best use of the finite resources which sustain life and an orderly society.  Whether I do this individually or collectively is a separate matter.

Your maternal grandmother, imperfect as she may be, has done us a great service by teaching us at a young age to care others.  We used to tutor children, help carry groceries for our elderly neighbors, mow their lawns, push cars stuck in ice and snow as we walked to church, translate for schools and churches, etc.  In other words, she taught us to be activists.

Her teaching is in keeping with our faith.  As stated by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, where I once worked:

16 The way we came to know love was that he laid down his life for us; so we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.k

17If someone who has worldly means sees a brother in need and refuses him compassion, how can the love of God remain in him?l

18Children, let us love not in word or speech but in deed and truth.m

http://usccb.org/bible/1john/3/

Although not religious, I am spiritual and try to live right.  Thus, I have spent years working with refugees (in the U.S. as well as overseas), caring for the homeless (by both creating policies and homeless shelters for them as well as feeding and caring for them during the freeze of winter), helping the poor and the elderly (by building homes and improving the safety net for those in need), protecting children and victims of domestic violence, etc.  I believe we are called to actions not just by our faith, but by our humanity.  For example, how can we blind ourselves to the fact that “40 million people struggle with hunger in the United States, including more than 12 million children” … innocent children like you?  http://www.feedingamerica.org/hunger-in-america/facts.html.

Yet, for my efforts, I have been accused of, and admonished for, harming you, my own children, because I once lost my job and harmed my career by fighting the Enron of Healthcare to stop them from harming the sick and dying, to stop them from denying the insurance coverage and medical care for which policy holders have paid and for which they were then in great need.  My accusers missed the point: by fighting the corrupt insurance company, I protected you and them from the corrupted practices of that particular insurance company and of other insurance companies in general.  (The Enron of Healthcare is one of 10 largest health insurance companies in the U.S., and covers you guys as well as my accusers.)  By taking the fight to insurance regulators and to the court, after failing to stop the illegal practices internally, I exposed those corrupt practices.  Insurance regulators spent a year investigating that insurer.  They corroborated all of my allegations and found numerous other violations.  By publicizing their findings and issuing fines, they gave notice to that insurance carrier and all others that such harmful and corrupt practices would not be tolerated.

We live in a closed system, my sons.  Pollutants and poor environmental policies adversely affecting the South and Midwest affect us in terms of rising food costs and societal costs.  Chemicals dumped into rivers harm our fish, hurt of water system, and poison our oceans … all of which comes back to haunt us.  Our silence when others are bullied is assent and emboldens the bullies.  Can we then complain when the bullies move past their targets to us?

I am always mindful of the lessons of Martin Niemöller.  Speaking about the fascism of the Nazis, he states:

First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out— because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

https://encyclopedia.ushmm.org/content/en/article/martin-niemoeller-first-they-came-for-the-socialists.

Live well, my sons.  Live right.  I never promised you that life would be easy, only that you would find life rewarding if you lived well and helped others.

All my love, always,

Dad

P.S., I leave you with this thought.

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5 years, 8 months, and 2 days. Embrace the wisdom of our forefathers.

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If immersed in ink, you will be stained dark.  If bathed in light, you will be enlightened. — an ancient Vietnamese saying.

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My dearest Shosh and Jaialai:

Dark days lie ahead.  I don’t know how this journey ends.  None of us do.

I want you to know that, in my life, I am guided by the wisdom of the ages.  Fads come and go.  But real knowledge has a way of sticking around.  For example, we still today immerse ourselves in the learnings of the ancient Greeks and Chinese philosophers, who lived thousands of years ago.  Why? It’s because those lessons have been tested in the crucible of time.

Today’s teachings are often lacks depth.  They are devoid of long-term wisdom.

For example, when I did research for my Honors Thesis on “Child Rearing Practices an Prosocial Development” for the Honors Program in Psychology in undergraduate, studies at the time and from earlier times state corporal punishment is one tool in the arsenal of tools parents must use to help raise altruistic and healthy children who will become contributing members of society.  In other words, measured spanking is but ONE tool among many.  It is a necessary tool because consequences and accountability are important parts of life.  Both the carrot and the stick are needed to encourage good behaviours and discourage bad ones.  (See, e.g., https://caselaw.findlaw.com/ca-court-of-appeal/1655269.html, a court case which states it is not abuse, in the process of preventing their once-good child from joining a gang, for parents to use a wooden spoon to spank a child after trying all other forms of punishment.  Note also how the court took pains to enshrine in writing in footnotes and to make part of the record the lies told by CPS in its efforts to assert its power without any regards for the true interests of the child … that she stay on the good path and not go down the destructive path of gangs and violence.)

These days, the “wisdom” is for parents to not even yell at their kids, much less spank them.  See, e.g., https://www.nytimes.com/2018/09/05/well/family/why-you-should-stop-yelling-at-your-kids.html.

Is that wise?  Does that solve the problem and help raise better and more well-adjusted kids?  No!  With horrible consequences, it only shifted the burden from parents and teachers disciplining kids to school police to do so.  Troubled behaviors that once would have resulted in admonishment in class, detention, conversations with parents, suspension, etc., now results in tazing, physical assaults, arrests, handcuffs, jail time, juvenile criminal records, etc.  See, e.g., https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/school-safety-students-police-abuse_us_5b746a4ce4b0df9b093b8d6a; https://www.theatlantic.com/education/archive/2015/11/why-do-most-school-cops-have-no-student-training-requirements/414286/; https://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/29/us/police-officers-in-schools.html; https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/education/police-in-schools-keeping-kids-safe-or-arresting-them-for-no-good-reason/2015/11/08/937ddfd0-816c-11e5-9afb-0c971f713d0c_story.html?noredirect=on&utm_term=.006da1640595; http://www.latimes.com/local/education/la-me-edu-aclu-report-20161017-snap-story.html.

 

No, my sons, think for yourselves, but use as guides the wisdom of the ancients.  For example, we are rediscovering the positives benefits of copper in medical treatment, something the ancients used to use before that practice fell out of favor for more modern pharmaceuticals.   https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/the-bacteria-fighting-super-element-making-a-return-to-hospitals-copper/2015/09/20/19251704-5beb-11e5-8e9e-dce8a2a2a679_story.html?utm_term=.16210f211e7a.

With the above said, let me share that I am guided by three adages, which capture relevant wisdom of the ancients.

(1) All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.  This is your world and your community.  You have but one world.  Protect it.  Fight for good and fight against evil.  Be prone to action.  Words are cheap.  Everyday, you see people give lip service to what is good and right, but wouldn’t lift a finger to protect what is good and right.  Don’t be like them.  Be prone to action.  Remember Teddy Roosevelt’s famous “Man in the Arena” speech.  It is noteworthy.  Remember, too, the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson:

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(2) If immersed in ink, you will be stained dark.  If bathed in light, you will be enlightened.  Surround yourselves with good people, who will inspire you and help you aspire to be better. Work towards continuous incremental improvements, so that you will be better today than you were yesterday and better tomorrow than today.  We need more good people in the world: builders, problem solvers, helpers … those with good hearts and good intentions.  Surround yourselves with good peeps.

On the other hand, stay away from evil because it will drag you down to its level.  Your cousin on your mother’s side ignored the warnings and was caught in a car carrying drugs.  The police charged all the occupants of the vehicle with possession with the intent to sell.  He claimed he was just hanging out with friends and knew nothing of the drugs.  Regardless of the truth, the consequences were dire.  He now has a felony conviction and will forever by marked by that. 

Wrongful convictions are a major problems in the American justice system.  See, e.g., https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/opinions/wp/2018/09/10/report-wrongful-convictions-have-stolen-at-least-20000-years-from-innocent-defendants/?utm_term=.a643e396962d; https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/the-cost-of-convicting-the-innocent/2015/07/24/260fc3a2-1aae-11e5-93b7-5eddc056ad8a_story.html; http://www.latimes.com/nation/la-na-texas-judge-20131109-story.html; https://www.nytimes.com/2017/08/01/magazine/she-was-convicted-of-killing-her-mother-prosecutors-withheld-the-evidence-that-would-have-freed-her.html; http://www.law.northwestern.edu/legalclinic/wrongfulconvictions/aboutus/; https://www.innocenceproject.org/.  It’s a reality.  Avoid putting yourselves from that situation if you can.  .

(3) A frog at the bottom of the well thinks the sky is only as big as the mouth of the well.  Learn and expand your horizons.  Read voraciously.  Engage with others, those who are good-hearted and who have good intentions.  As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “You can learn something from everyone.”

Ignorance begets fear.  Don’t live in ignorance and fear.  Arm yourselves with knowledge.  Reserve judgement and try to see things from the other’s perspective.  Keep an open mind.  Give people a chance, but don’t waste your time on every sob story.  The world has 7.6 billion people.  You don’t have time to meet and measure everyone.  Use heuristics and rules of thumbs to help you more efficiently find the good.  For example, you are more likely to find the good among kids who volunteer to help the homeless, clean up the environment, or feed the hungry than among kids who hangs out at corners, smoking cigarettes or pot, who sneak out in the cover of darkness to tag walls and paint graffiti.  Not all of the kids in the latter group is bad, but your time is better spent interacting with kids in the good group and helping others.

One of my regrets is that I didn’t involve you when I volunteered to feed the hungry; build homes for the poor; help the disabled, the elderly, and the victims of domestic abuse; etc.  I wish I had.  Your mother doesn’t do those things so you have never seen such behavior modeled.  That is my failing. I am sorry.

Be well, my sons.  Learn from life and the wisdom of those who came before us.  Be good.  Be happy.

All my love, always,

Dad

 

5 years, 3 months, and 12 days. Life is fragile. Embrace and cherish it.

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Iceland’s Most Famous Waterfall Is Big Enough To Stand Inside, Which Is Pretty Incredible

This is Seljalandsfoss, arguably Iceland’s most famous waterfall. In a boundless green field, the cascade drops a whopping 200 feet from rocks above into a serene little pool below.

The most insane part of Seljalandsfoss, though, is that you can hike through the back of the falls and view them from the inside out.

This means you can stand alone in a glowing cavern while the sunset shines through the waterfall stream.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/04/06/seljalandsfoss_n_5078069.html

 

World’s Best Trip: Kauai, Hawaii

Andrew McCarthy

July 29, 2011

The Trip

It may be the most dramatic vista anywhere in Hawaii: from the bluffs above the eastern tip of Hanalei Bay, on the North Shore of Kauai, you look out on a crescent-shaped beach. Tireless waterfalls spill from jagged cliffs in deep green valleys. Clouds hover and vaporize. A rain shower rolls across the far side of the bay while the sun blazes down on you. Anchoring this ridge is the recently renovated St. Regis Princeville Resort, 252 spacious rooms carved into a cliff. On one side of the property is the Makai Golf Club, one of Hawaii’s most famous courses. On the other, after clambering 100 feet down a steep, rocky trail, you’ll find a more private piece of paradise: Pali Ke Kua Beach, where the only other living creature might be a sea turtle laying her eggs. Nature still calls the shots on Kauai, something you’ll notice whether you’re hiking the Kalalau Trail, which clings to the Napali Coast for 11 miles of views and switchbacks; kayaking through rain forests with Outfitters Kauai; or dining at 22° North, a restaurant in Lihue that uses ingredients sourced from its own two-acre farm. Perhaps that’s why you always feel like a better version of yourself when you’re in Kauai, and why you’ll keep returning.

Kauai Affordable Tip: On the sun-drenched western coast, the Waimea Plantation Cottages are scattered around 27 acres of wide lawns, coconut palms, and empty hammocks—pure old-school Hawaiian aloha. Doubles from $215.

Kauai Family Tip: Stop for a delicately flavored shave ice—the beloved island version of a snow cone—at Wishing Well Shave Ice, a stand in Hanalei. Shave ice from $4.

http://www.travelandleisure.com/articles/worlds-best-islands-kauai-hawaii

My dearest Shosh and Jaialai:

Life is so precious, my sons.  The beauty it offers is boundless!  Seek it out and bask in it.  Enjoy it!  Be grateful for it.

Too many of us live with the illusion of control — the illusion that we’ll continue to have tomorrow what we have today.   Don’t fall for the illusion.  Control is but illusory.  At any moment, all of it can be taken from us.  Look at what happened to us, our family, our home.

But, our circumstances are not unique.  Recently, a great flood was visited upon the people of Kauai, Hawaii.  The destruction is heart-breaking.  Mind you, the tragedy and devastation that befell the people of Puerto Rico or Duoma, Syria, is no less heart-breaking, but I don’t know Puerto Rico or Duoma. I am, however, familiar with Kauai.

2018 Flood - US Coast Guard

2018 Flood 3 - Lace Andersen

2018 Flood -Kauai-Hawaii

2018 Kauai Flood – Rains From Hanalei To Ke’e Cause Damage – Hawaii

Published on April 19, 2018 by Rae-Marie May

By now most of you have heard about the devastating storm that hit Kauai last weekend and will forever be called the 2018 Kauai Flood. The torrential rains caused major flooding; mostly targeting the area north of Princeville from Hanalei to Ke’e. It started on Saturday morning and by Saturday night the rain was coming down in buckets. The reports are that 27 inches fell in 24 hours in Hanalei! With that rain came the brightest lightening and the loudest thunder I have ever witnessed. Needless to say, not a lot of sleep was had by anyone on Kauai’s north shore on Saturday night.

And then the rains continued all day Sunday. The result was massive flooding in all areas within a few feet elevation of sea level. Take a look at downtown Hanalei on Monday. Businesses and homes were filled with muddy water, so much so that a few people had to be rescued from their roofs.

https://vacationsoup.com/2018-kauai-flood-hawaii/

We used to go to Kauai, Hawaii, for vacation.  (Jaialai, this was before your time.  This was during the good years before I blew the whistle against the Enron of Healthcare and before my career was sidetracked.)  Kauai is known as the Garden Island, and we loved the lushness and tranquility the island offers.  We’d stay in Princeville, wander Hanalei, eat shaved ice at Wailua or Wishing Well Shave Ice, snorkel at Hideaway Beach or Nualolo Kai, eat saimin at Hamura’s, and spend hours basking in the beauty of the place.

Pray for those who are suffering.  Take a moment to give thanks for the safety and comfort you are blessed with at the moment.  Be grateful.

I am forever grateful for having two wonderful sons.

All my love, always,

Dad

 

5 years, 3 months, and 10 days. Living a good life is challenging. Live well anyway.

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My dearest Shosh and Jaialai:

Today is a hard day.  Actually, it’s been a hard week.

But, no one promised you life would be easy.  If anyone did, he or she lied.

Life is a struggle … to do the right thing, to do the best you can under the circumstances, to be true to yourself despite pressures from all sides to conform to the wishes and demands of others, etc.  As Anton Chekhov said, “Any idiot can deal with a crisis; it’s this day-to-day living that wears you out.”

Live well anyway.  What choice have you?  You could lie, cheat, steal, and boot-lick your way up, but there is no honor in that.  Further, you will find that path unpleasant on the way up and that it never ends.  Change is a constant, and you must constantly kiss ass to remain in the position.  Is it really worth it?  Would you rather live honestly or would you rather be a two-faced, back stabbing bootlicker who’d sell his own mother for profit?

Be true to yourself, my sons.  It’s a tough road, but it is one that will enable you to look back on your life with pride.  It will give your life meaning, and will give reasons for those who matter in the world to celebrate your life instead of long for your death.  See, e.g., https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/17/us/barbara-bush-dead.html; and, https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2018/04/18/southwest-airlines-victim-jennifer-riordan/527363002/.

Buck up!  There will always be difficult days. But, strive to live such that more of your days are pleasant than unpleasant.

We are surrounded by ankle-biters, who will never amount to much.  But, that is the nature of ankle-biters: they are often of low- or poor-skills, will never make much of their lives, and are best at pulling others down to their levels.  Ignore them if you can, deal forcefully with them if you must, but spend most of your time pursuing your goals and dreams.  Your success is what they fear most … because it makes more stark their failures.

Be you.  Be the best you.  Find joy wherever and whenever you can.  Make it a priority to spend time with friends and people who love you.  Make friends.  Let nature nourish your body, heart, mind, and spirit.  Experience life.

Love with all you heart and soul because that is the only way to love and live.  To hedge your bet or to reciprocate only the feelings of another is to empower your mind to cage your heart and imprison it in fear.  Don’t do that.  Experience life.  With great love may come great loss, but at least you would have loved and lost rather than to have never experience such miracle and exquisite beauty.

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All my love, always.  You are the best of me.

Dad

P.S., don’t buy the “fake news” crap that the dishonest espouses.  Reputable newspapers like the New York Times and Washington Post build their reputations over decades, and have processes in place to protect the hard-earned good-will and reputation they cultivated.  They make mistakes, as all humans are want to do, but they try to be fair and accurate.  That is a lot more than others who won’t even bother to be fair, accurate, or even truthful.

Congratulations to the New York Times, Washington Post, Arizona Republic, and others on their Pulitzer Prizes.  http://www.pulitzer.org/prize-winners-by-year/2018.

5 years, 2 months, and 30 days. Live your passion and aspire to be better.

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My dearest and most precious Shosh and Jaialai:

Today, I write with a heavy heart.  It just is.  But, it’s ok.  Sadness is a part of life.  Accept it, deal with it, move on.

It’s apt as, today, I’d like to talk about being positive.  They say, “Misery loves company,” but that is true only for the miserable person.  Unless we’re down in the dumps, who among us enjoy hanging out with someone who is always mopey and miserable?  Not I.  I suspect not you either.  It’s probably true of most people.

Misery exhausts us.  It’s draining.  It takes our life force.

Thus, be a good friend and empathize or sympathize with your friends as necessary when they face difficulty.  However, at all other times, focus on the positive.  (Thus, Jesus, when addressing a more enlightened crowd, distilled the more negative 10 Commandments given to a people during the infancy of their civilization — after years of slavery in Egypt — to the two life-affirming Two Commandments of “Love God with all your heart” and “Love your neighbor as yourself.”)

Life is miserable enough as it is without you feeding the beast called Misery.  Feed Joy and Beauty, and you shall be well-rewarded.  Focus on that which uplifts you, makes you happy, and makes your life worth living.

a recently-published study by Toshimasa Sone and colleagues at Tohoku University Graduate School of Medicine in Sendai, Japan. In a seven-year longitudinal study of 43,000+ Japanese adults, these researchers found that individuals who believed that their life was worth living were less likely to die than were their counterparts without this belief.

One focus in this study was the Japanese notion of ikigai, translated by the researchers as believing that one’s life is worth living. In Japan, ikigai is apparently a common term for what English speakers might term subjective well-being, and it includes purpose and meaning, with connotations of joy about being alive. So, one’s hobby might provide ikigai, or one’s family, or one’s work.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-good-life/200809/ikigai-and-mortality (emphasis added)

What makes your life worth living?  Numerous talking heads, philosophers, and thought leaders offer countless solutions.  See, e.g., https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hot-thought/201002/what-makes-life-worth-living.  But, they can’t help you.  Only YOU can decide what makes you happy, gives your life meaning, and makes your life worth living.

Find your ikigai.  How?  Live.  Experience life.  Embrace it.  Find joy where ever you are.  Stop and pay attention: it’ll reveal itself to you, be it a leaf that flutters vigorously while others are still, a bird song, or the murmur of the grove.  Find your passion.  Find what gives your life meaning.  Do all the positive things that makes life beautiful and avoid, to the extent possible and practicable, all things that detracts from the beauty of life … including hours wasted on video games and social media (where, studies show, you end up more depressed from all the false fronts “friends” post on their feeds).

Others have other suggestions for finding your ikigai.  I leave you with two.

All my love, always,

Dad

 

Discover Your Passion — Or ‘Ikigai’ — With 4 Simple Tips

,

Earlier this year, a friend from Denmark shared with me how she felt contented and happy in all areas of her life except for her career. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to do and struggled to discover her passion.

The question, “how do I know what my passion is?” is one I have asked myself many times and is something I often get asked. I once thought that it was only the younger generation (i.e. Millenials or Gen Y’s) who were concerned about this. But research from IBM Institute of Business Value (2014) says otherwise. Millennials (20%), Gen X’s (21%) and Baby Boomers (23%) see doing work they are passionate about as an important long-term goal.

Finding your passion can seem like a very western concept but it actually isn’t. In Japan there is a term called “ikigai,” which means, “reason for being.” This is similar to passion but holds a strong “purposeful” connotation. Ikigai is also believed to be the union of 4 elements: What you love, what you are good at, what the world needs, and what you can be paid for. The Japanese see the discovery of your ikigai as requiring a deep, long search within yourself that can bring about satisfaction and meaning to life.

So how can you go about discovering your passion or ikigai? Here are some tips that will help you:

Tip 1: Find a purpose you strongly believe in

People discover their passions or “ikigai” through a number of ways, such as going through life-changing experiences (both positive and negative), deep inner-reflection, by chance or by an inner-determination to make a change. Finding a strong purpose or something you deeply care about will keep you on the path to staying true to yourself and focused on persisting through difficult times. A great starting question to reflect on is, “what would I like to see different in the world?”

Tip 2: Stop thinking and start doing

If you are someone with many passions or you’re waiting for the right moment, there is no perfect time or age to pursue your passion. Mark Zuckerberg started Facebook FB -1.34% aged 19 and Charles Flint on the other hand founded IBM IBM -2.25% at the age of 61. The only way you can find your true passion is through trying. Every small step counts and will lead you closer to discovering your passion.  And if you’re passionate about many things, narrow it down to the top 2 and try those long enough so you can decide if that is what you want to do.

Tip 3: Speak to people with similar passions

Speak to people with similar passions, interests and even those who have been there and done that. You may be surprised by the complementary ideas they’ll share with you, the opportunities to collaborate and even the mistakes they’ll share with you from their journey (which you can learn from). But if you are blazing an unknown trail, don’t underestimate the impact you can make. Malala Yousafzai, an inspiring female activist for girl’s education in Pakistan, was one of the few who would speak and write about this from the young age of 11. When she was 15, a Taliban gunman attempted to murder her. But she didn’t stop campaigning for girls’ education and is now the youngest-ever Nobel Prize laureate.

Tip 4: Accept that setbacks are normal

Whilst pursuing your passion or reason for being, you may experience many set backs such as the lack of support from peers, your ideas being dumped, not receiving financial help, etc. Jack Ma, the founder of Alibaba, shared that he was rejected from Harvard Business School 10 times but that didn’t stop him from starting his company, which is now valued at $264.9 billion. Recognize setbacks as normal and learn from them, dust yourself off and keep moving forward.

Discovering your ikigai, or passion, can be one of the greatest journeys you will embark on. It will be challenging and there will be many ups and downs.  Just remember it won’t happen overnight. As Diana Ross once said, “you can’t sit there and wait for people to give you that golden dream, you’ve got to get out there and make it happen for yourself.”

 

How To Find Your Ikigai And Transform Your Outlook On Life And Business

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One of my favorite things about my work at BodeTree is the fact that I get the chance to learn from amazing entrepreneurs every day.

Recently, one such entrepreneur by the name Maria Turco, Chief Yogini of Honor Yoga and a client of BodeTree, introduced me to a concept that I’ve been unwittingly searching for my entire life.

The concept is called Ikigai, and it is a Japanese term that roughly translates to “reason for being.”

I was immediately intrigued and set about learning everything I could about this framework and how it applies to my life as an entrepreneur.

What I discovered helped to bring into focus a “theory of everything” that I’ve struggled for years to articulate on my own.

What is Ikigai?

 Ikigai (pronounced “eye-ka-guy”) is, above all else, a lifestyle that strives to balance the spiritual with the practical.

This balance is found at the intersection where your passions and talents converge with the things that the world needs and is willing to pay for.

 

For as long as I can remember, I’ve felt a certain existential frustration that stemmed from the conflicting desires. One one hand, I wanted to live a life of meaning and consequence. On the other, I wanted to enjoy the lifestyle that came along with money.

The result was an infuriating struggle between the things that made money and the things I truly cared about.

I set out to solve this with a concept I called “Enlightened Entrepreneurship,” which tried to find the right balance between these seemingly conflicting goals.

However, I always felt it was missing a certain something that I could never put my finger on.

I now believe that Ikigai is the refined version of the concept I was looking for. It is, simply put, your reason for getting out of bed every morning.

Discovering your Ikigai

One of the many mistakes I’ve made in my life was believing that money led to fulfillment. That’s largely why I went into finance in the first place.

When I think back on those days, I can’t help but think of the James Taylor lyric “you can play the game and you can act out the part,even though you know it wasn’t written for you.”

It never felt right, but I thought that if I had money, then I could have an impact on the world.

What I learned, however, is that form follows intent.

To discover you Ikigai, you must first find what you’re most passionate about. Then, you find the medium through which you can express that passion.

Steve Jobs is a fantastic example of this idea. It’s easy to think of Jobs as a titan of technology, but that would be inaccurate. Jobs was a lover of fine craftsmanship, first and foremost.

Whether it was a matter of collecting handmade Japanese tea cups or obsessing over design details of various products, he wrapped himself in his passion for finely made items.

Apple and Pixar were merely his chosen mediums of expression.

This is something that I can relate to. I’d be lying if I said that I always cared deeply about finance, technology, or franchising. Truth be told, those things are not particularly meaningful to me in and of themselves.

What I am passionate about is transparency, truth, and helping people live up to their highest potential.

My company is simply the vehicle through which I can take these passions, apply them to the things that the world needs, and make a profit in the process.

In other words, BodeTree is my Ikigai.

A transformative realization

This is not to say that work is the most important thing in my life. That honor falls to my faith and my family. While I’m far from perfect, I strive to make sure that they are the center of my life.

However, there’s a difference between the things that are important in your life and your life’s work.

Ikigai is about finding joy, fulfillment, and balance in the daily routine of life.

 It’s all too easy to fall victim to siloed thinking, that our job, family, passions, and desires are all separate and unrelated aspects of our lives.

The fundamental truth of Ikigai is that nothing is siloed. Everything is connected.

This realization has changed my outlook for the better. Whether you call it Ikigai or Enlightened Entrepreneurship, the truth remains. It is possible to be true to your passions, live a life of consequence, and still use business as a medium of expression.

At the intersection of all of this are feelings of peace and lasting happiness that can sustain us throughout our entire lives.

 

 

5 years, 2 months, and 29 days. Don’t be monkeys: don’t vape, use e-cigarettes, or smoke pot!

When Irfan Rahman talked to young vapers, some complained of bleeding mouths and throats. And these bloody sores seemed slow to heal. Such reports concerned this toxicologist at the University of Rochester in New York. So he decided to investigate what the vapors inhaled from electronic cigarettes might be doing to mouth cells.

Last October, his team showed those vapors inflame mouth cells in ways that could potentially promote gum disease. That gum damage can destroy the tissues that hold teeth in place. So severe gum disease could lead to tooth loss.

But that’s hardly the end of it.

Vapers inhale those same gases and particles into their lungs. Rahman wondered what effects those vapors might have on cells there. One gauge would be to test how long any lung-cell damage took to heal. And his latest data confirm that e-cigarette vapors also make it hard for lung cells to repair damage.

Students as young as 12 or 13 are now more likely to vape than to smoke. Many are under the impression that because e-cigs don’t contain tobacco, they pose little risk to health. Wrong.

Over the past few months, research has turned up evidence that vaping can pose many brand new risks. The vapors mess with immunity, some studies show. “Smoker’s cough” and bloody sores have begun showing up in teen vapers. The hotter a vaped liquid gets, the harsher its effects on human cells. And a relatively new vaping behavior called “dripping” ups the heat. This threatens to intensify a teen’s risks from those vapors.

Some new data even suggest that e-cig vapors may contain cancer-causing chemicals.

https://www.sciencenewsforstudents.org/article/concerns-explode-over-new-health-risks-vaping (emphasis added)

 

[I]t would be fallacious to conclude that because the chemicals in marijuana have been found to present fewer dangers than some very harmful substances, the medical or recreational use of marijuana is perfectly safe. In a recreational context, marijuana has been shown to affect health, brain function, and memory. And in a medical context, marijuana is like any other powerful prescription drug: it has potentially dangerous side effects, and the decision to use it to treat patients must involve the same balancing test as the one required for chemotherapy or AZT: do the therapeutic effects of the drug outweigh its harmful effects? Though there are many more studies to be done on this issue, current data shows that the answer to this question may not always be “yes.”

EFFECTS OF HABITUAL MARIJUANA USE ON THE IMMUNE SYSTEM

The most potent argument against the use of marijuana to treat medical disorders is that marijuana may cause the acceleration or aggravation of the very disorders it is being used to treat.

Smoking marijuana regularly (a joint a day) can damage the cells in the bronchial passages which protect the body against inhaled microorganisms and decrease the ability of the immune cells in the lungs to fight off fungi, bacteria, and tumor cells. For patients with already weakened immune systems, this means an increase in the possibility of dangerous pulmonary infections, including pneumonia, which often proves fatal in AIDS patients.

https://cyber.harvard.edu/evidence99/marijuana/Health_1.html (emphasis added)

My dearest Shosh and Jaialai:

Dangers lurk around every corner.  That’s the reality of life, and we cannot insulate ourselves against every risk, known and unknown.  Examples  abound.

Authorities in Toledo, Ohio, have charged four boys with murder after a sandbag they allegedly dropped from an interstate overpass killed a passenger in a car.

https://www.ksat.com/news/national/boys-charged-with-murder-after-sandbag-thrown-from-overpass-kills-man

9. John Bowen, 1979.

Mistake number 1, attending a Jets football game at Shea Stadium. Mistake number 2, staying in his seat during the half-time show. In this case, the show was a demonstration of a remote control 40 pound flying lawn mower (we do not make this stuff up!) which was not under control after all, and struck the New Hampshire resident causing head injuries that he died of 4 days later. Should have gone to a Patriot’s game…

8. Humberto Hernandez, 2007.

Mr. Hernandez proved that walking is an unsafe form of transportation as he was walking on a sidewalk in Oakland when a car struck a fire hydrant, breaking it free. The water pressure sent the hydrant flying right into Humberto’s face, killing him.

7. Jon Desborough, 1999.

A gym teacher at Liverpool College, Jon was hustling out to retrieve a javelin stuck in the ground after a throw, tripped and fell into the (blunt) end of the javelin causing the shaft to penetrate his eye socket and skewer his brain, killing him.

https://www.historyandheadlines.com/10-fatal-freak-accidents/

However, just because risks exist, it doesn’t mean we throw caution to the wind and engage in every stupid idea and fad that comes along.  One of the stupidest fads these days is the condom-snorting nonsense we discussed recently.  Others include vaping, using e-cigarettes, and smoking pot.

Smoking sucks.  It doesn’t matter if you smoke cigarette, e-cigarette, or pot.  Smoking pumps chemicals into your body, ruins your gum and teeth, destroys your lungs, etc.  Wow, smart move, right?  Kids are foolish to copy others.  They think it makes them look cool.  It doesn’t.  It makes them look like monkeys and sheep who are unable to think for themselves and who are easily persuaded by marketers and others who have no love for them.

Be of strong character.  Never allow anyone to pressure you into doing something stupid or something bad that you don’t want to do — or pressure you out of doing something smart or something good that you want to do.  Be you, but be the best you.

As Catholics, we believe our bodies are God’s temple, where His Spirit resides.  But, even if you are no longer practicing Catholics — on the Sundays where you were with me, I took you to mass, but your mom did not on weeks when you were with her — remember that you have but ONE body to last you a lifetime.  Do you really want to destroy or weaken it with chemicals and unhealthy habits?

Take care of your body, and it will take care of you when you need it.

https://kerricox.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/outrun-the-bear.jpg?w=656

Exercise daily.  Go outside and get fresh air.

Be well.  Your brain and your health are your greatest assets.  Protect them at all costs.

https://i0.wp.com/theathleticmindset.com/site2013/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/health-wealth-gandhi-quote.jpg

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/f5/fa/93/f5fa93a0b6e79e0b3eff578ce0e617c9.jpg

All my love, always,

Dad

5 years, 2 months, and 26 days. Find joy. Cherish and be grateful for those joyous moments.

https://shoshandjaialai.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/63fdf-sunrise2bin2bmountain2bnature2bwallpaper.jpg?w=1415&h=943

https://i2.wp.com/drivenoutside.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/lawn.jpg

https://i0.wp.com/www.anywherethatswild.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/P10308461.jpg

My dearest Shosh and Jaialai:

Life is tough.  There is no getting around that.  Anyone who thinks otherwise is deluding him- or herself.  Life’s challenges worm their way into everyone’s life.

Thus, find joy where ever you may.  The smell of the first rainfall on parched earth.  Sunrise.  Freshly cut grass.  How your little hand felt in mine when we went for walks back then.  The sound of your laughter.  That mischievous glint in your eye.  The feel of waves.  The beach.  Sand.  A smile.  Hummingbirds.  A cool breeze.  Heat.  Salty butter on crunchy baguette.  The smell of coffee.  Home.

Be present, immerse yourselves in the joyous experience, and be grateful for them.  Don’t let the travails of life detract from its beauty. Hold on to the good and beautiful.  Be present, but revisit these moments of beauty as necessary to keep your spirits up.  Remember, self-care is critical.  Live to fight another day.

Life is what you make of it.  If you focus on the negative, then life will be the shits.  Why would you want to do that to yourself.  Feed the positive and work towards the possible.  Whatever challenges currently plaguing you will pass.  Don’t let it consume you.  Where’s the joy in that?

Make your life a testament to its beauty.  Let it be a symbol of hope for those without.  But, more importantly, immerse yourselves in that which is beautiful and joyous so that YOUR LIFE WILL BE BEAUTIFUL AND JOYOUS.  That is my wish for you, my sons.  Enjoy life regardless of the bitter cup presently set upon your lips.  This too will pass.

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/24/e3/07/24e3073f9d7b9ed160ffaa8a3ea0d2c3.jpg

All my love, always,

Dad