11 years, 2 months, and 20 days. Help if you can, but do no harm if you cannot help.

My most dearest:

Too often, we unnecessarily over complicate life. I believe, truly, that it is as Robert Fulgrum entitled his book, All I Really Need to Know, I learned in Kindergaren.

Those lessons sit upon the bedrock of the lesson you learned from Teacher Mary in preschool: you are the boss of you and of nobody else. You have control over but yourself, not others, not life, not the circumstances in which you find yourselves.

Given these fundamental truths, be kind to others you encounter in the world. You never know what burdens they carry … just as no one knows the burden you carry for having our once happy family destroyed by those given to evil intentions.

If you can, always help those in need of your help. Be it purchasing a meal for the hungry, diapers for the poor baby, planting a community garden, or offering a smile or kind word to someone invisible or wishing he/she were invisible.

If you cannot help, do no harm. Do NOT make things worse.

Our fundamental human rights have both positive aspects (e.g., the right to basic necessities of life: to be free to make decisions over our bodies and our health, the right to honest work in exchange for fair pay, and the right to read or learn whatever we wish) and negative aspects (e.g., the right to be free of adverse interference by others: to not have our families interfered with by Busybody Bobs and Nosy Nancys, to not be forced to study the religions and dogmas of others, and to not be harmed on account of the color of our skin or the religion to which we subscribe).

Too often, paternalistic know-it-alls force their ideas upon us, pretending they know better. They know shit. For example, having never been shot, I cannot imagine the pain associated with being shot. However, having passed a kidney stone, I can tell you of the great suffering that entailed.

Only arrogant assholes pretend to know what they have never experienced. They may think they “know” in the abstract from readings, etc., however, that is but intellectual arrogance. One who has never tasted true love can quote Shakespeare until the Hale-Bop Comet returns, but his/her soul will remain as a shriveled seed until it is filled with true love and understanding of what it means to live for another.

It has been said that living is easy; it is living right that is hard. Yes and No. It is NOT hard in the complicated sense. Living right isn’t complicated. It IS hard in the sense of self-discipline. To do the right thing when all those in the peanut gallery encourage you to do otherwise can be challenging. We see this daily when the crowd mocks the Different — different in rags and second-hand attire, different in stinky home-cooked ethnic food brought for lunch, different in perspective on life, etc. — and people go along despite having internal reservations.

Living right is hard, but live right anyway. At the end of day, that is all that matters. That is the stuff from which your character is formed. That is the stuff no one can take from you no matter if they take your family, your home, your career, your freedom, or even your life.

The master of those given to evil and evil-intentions will reclaim what is rightfully his.

You worry not of them. Live right: help others and do no harm.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

11 years, 2 months, and 15 days. Think for yourselves. Don’t let others think for you.

My most dearest:

There is much beauty in the world … as there is much shit.

All that glitters is not gold. Beware talking heads trying to sell you false gold.

Think for yourselves and learn to differentiate between the two.

Worry not of labels and other shortcuts which belong in the province of the intellectually lazy. 30-second soundbites and 140-character lessons — once tools of infant education — now form the backbone of what passes as fruits of knowledge for the masses.

Beware of those who sell ignorance. Fall not for their lies or its false promise of convenience. Darkness lies in wait of those who choose that path.

As I’ve encouraged you since you were toddlers: read widely and voraciously. Look at old photos to remind yourselves of the many books I’d purchased on starfish, dinosaurs, excavators, etc., for your library when you were young, and how we read to you daily.

Knowledge is power. Don’t allow those who would ban books and limit your exposure to knowledge lie to your face and tell you it is for your own good. Those who tell you they are acting in your best interests rarely ever do. They hide their vile intentions behind false facades of goodness.

WATCH WHAT THEY DO!!! Too often, their actions belie their words.

The good ones — the diamonds and diamonds in the rough — waste few words. They expend their energies on doing good for others.

Read widely and voraciously. Always seek information from multiple sources as each is burdened by its biases. Think independently. Question assumptions and false cultural narratives. For example, too often, Western “civilization” corrupts traditional teachings based on honoring our humanity. Seek to understand. Reject convenient labels. Keep an open-mind. Be mindful of how little we know about our world and the lives of the individuals we come across. See, e.g.,

How tiger sharks wearing cameras revealed the world’s largest seagrass ecosystem

Between 2016 and 2020, a team of researchers fixed tags equipped with cameras onto tiger sharks so that they could view the ocean floor from a new perspective. The data they collected revealed what is the world’s largest known seagrass ecosystem, an area of up to 92,000 square kilometers (35,000 square miles) in the Bahamas. According to their study, published in 2022, this extends the total known global seagrass coverage by more than 40%.

https://edition.cnn.com/world/tiger-sharks-seagrass-ecosystem-climate-scn-c2e-spc/index.html

The true face of immigration

Baltimore was sleeping when the fully laden cargo ship, adrift and without power, slammed into the Francis Scott Key Bridge, bringing it down in seconds.

Had the disaster taken place during the daytime, hundreds of cars and trucks could have been on the bridge over a channel leading to one of the busiest ports on the east coast. So it was a mercy it happened in the early hours, and that police got sufficient warning to stop vehicles from driving onto the bridge.

But the six people presumed dead from the tragedy couldn’t escape. They were maintenance workers — the kind of people few people notice but who do tough jobs through the night to keep the country running.

All of those missing were immigrants, outsiders who had come to the US from Mexico and Central America for a better life. Their stories and aspirations mirrored the lives of millions of new entrants to the United States. They are far more representative of the migrant population than the extreme and misleading picture often spouted about migrants by Donald Trump. The Republican presumptive nominee often falsely claims foreign countries are sending their “worst people” as a de-facto invasion force to the US. “Under Biden, other countries are emptying out their prisons, insane asylums, mental institutions, dumping everyone including mass numbers of terrorists into our country. They’re in our country now,” Trump said at a rally in Manchester, New Hampshire, ahead of the state’s presidential primary in January….

Often, migrants do jobs that other people don’t want to do – the ones with the lowest wages and the worst conditions. [Think about this: immigrants work long hours doing thankless jobs, like picking vegetables for our dinner tables and butchering chicken and beef for our consumption, yet rarely use the public benefits and services to which their tax dollars contribute.]

https://edition.cnn.com/2024/03/28/politics/baltimore-key-bridge-immigration-analysis/index.html?iid=cnn_buildContentRecirc_end_recirc

Reserve judgement. Keep an open mind. Seek to understand.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

11 years, 2 months, and 14 days. Seek the rarest of creatures on this green Earth: kind souls.

My most dearests:

Since my days as a whistleblower — when I lost my 15-year legal career and 13-year marriage — I learned that kind hearts are the rarest gifts you’ll ever find in life. My mission hence has been to find and befriend as many kind souls as I can.

It’s not an easy task. Kinds souls are often quietly going about their business of being kinds and helping others. They seek not acknowledgement for their efforts and are rarely among those receiving limelight … although it may come as a by-product of who they are.

Judge not people by their words, how they are received by others, or the labels by which they are known.

Watch their actions. Note if their conducts come from the heart … not some verses in some dog-eared texts, some from societal expectations or rewards, or some sources external to themselves.

Treasure those who are kind because that is who they are. Worry not about their looks, whether their words are polished, what their pedigree may be. Their beauty comes from within. They are the salt of the earth.

You should be so luck if they call you friend.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

10 years, 2 months, 31 days. Broaden your horizons: read voraciously and travel widely.

My most precious children:

Pity are they who think they know it all. For deep within their hearts, they know the truth is otherwise. Theirs is a dark and narrow world, filled with morbid fears of the unknown.

As I might have mentioned, Ms. L’s ex fancies himself as the smartest guy in the room. While that may — or may not — be true in the little town in which he lived, when he tried his luck in major metropolitan areas like NYC and San Francisco, he found himself woefully inadequate and ran back to his tiny “kingdom” in mere months with his tail tucked between his legs … and still proclaiming he is the smartest guy in the room.

He may be right. The real question is which room did he choose to be in? Any of us can stand in the room for newborns and proclaim our superiority, but we would only fool ourselves if we took it to heart.

The point here is two-fold. First, don’t be arrogant. There is almost always someone better, smarter, faster, etc. But it doesn’t matter! You bring a unique set of skills, life’s experience, and perspectives that differs from everyone else. Your value lies in that! So embrace who you are and what you bring. Also, as stated above, arrogance gets in the way of wisdom. That leads to my second point, read voraciously so that you may broaden your horizons. As they say, you will never live long enough to make all the mistakes that others have made over the millennia. Thus, it behooves you to read and learn from others so that you, too, can contribute positively to the on-going conversation regarding what it means to fully embrace the vastness of the human experience.

The exciting thing is that knowledge is out there to be had!!! For example, today, I came across this great article from The Guardian.

Spring-clean your life! 20 ways to discard the emotional baggage that’s holding you back

From creating a proper support network to practising saying no, experts suggest their best tips for a healthier, happier life

Learn something new

Life changes can make us feel unsettled, taking away our ability to focus. Starting a new hobby or class is a great way to develop a renewed sense of purpose, leaving more space for creativity in our lives. Whether it’s learning a new language or trying a different sport, it really helps to take you away from that “mind clutter” you don’t want.

Sally Potter, women’s wellness leader and hypnotherapist, alofthypnotherapy.com.

Write a journal – but take your time

Most people won’t find the time to write in a journal for an hour every day, especially when it’s new to them. But you can still get a lot out of the process by doing it for just five minutes each day, until it becomes part of your normal routine. It’s also worth using a habit tracker app or speaking to a friend to hold you accountable.

Emily Button, life coach, emilybuttoncoaching.com

Volunteer for a good cause

It’s easy to get lost in your own thoughts and daily stresses. Try making time to volunteer for a charity or cause you feel passionate about, and document your journey. By comparing your thoughts and feelings with your usual daily experiences, it will help you to gain perspective, declutter your mind and open you up to new opportunities.

Dr Patapia Tzotzoli, psychologist, patapiatzotzoli.com….

Adopt the four Ds of time management

When it feels like life is running away from you, regain control by “doing, deferring, delegating and deleting”. Get your small tasks done quickly, delay anything that doesn’t need to be done right away, hand over to others where possible and scratch any extra tasks that don’t really need to be done at all.

Mandy Taylor, life coach, mandytaylorcoaching.com….

Break your procrastination habits

Spring-clean that start/stop mentality by spotting your procrastination behaviours and challenging them every day. For example, when you find yourself saying “I’ll just watch this before I start,” make a conscious decision to stop in your tracks before you get distracted. Simply by saying “I choose to do this,” you’ll be helping your brain to overcome the procrastination trap.

Clare Flaxen, psychotherapist and founder of CF Mindset, clareflaxen.com

Focus on what you can control

If you’re feeling worried or anxious about something, it’s easy for your mind to become quickly overwhelmed with negative thoughts. Take a sheet of paper and draw three columns. In the first one write down all the things about your situation that you can control, in the second write down the things you can influence and in the third add the aspects that are out of your control. When you’re building a plan, look only at the first column, so that you’re focusing on what you have the power to change.

Nicola Rae-Wickham, life and careers coach, alifemoreinspired.com….

Practise gratitude every day

As humans, we are programmed towards negative thinking and generally need five positive thoughts to counteract one negative one. Start each morning by thinking of five things you’re grateful for, such as a warm bed or a nice message from a friend. Do the same in the evenings just before you go to sleep.

Anna Badcock, coach, avitacoaching.com….

Make a record of your work achievements [I call this keeping a kudos file, which was suggested to me by a dear very friend early in my career]

Sometimes it can be hard to recognise our own successes, especially in a fast-paced workplace. Making a record of your achievements on a regular basis will boost your confidence in the short-term and give the starting blocks you need to negotiate a promotion or pay rise next time the opportunity comes up.

Laurie Macpherson, career mentor, lauriemacpherson.com….

Build a list of your support network

When you’re feeling overwhelmed, it can be hard to know where to turn. By creating a “go-to” list of people for every situation, you’ll always have the support you need on hand. For example, you can include people who are good at practical help or giving advice, as well as friends who are great listeners and will give you the space you need to talk about your feelings.

Katy Georgiou, psychotherapist and author, kgcounsellor.com

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/apr/10/spring-clean-your-life-20-ways-to-discard-the-emotional-baggage-thats-holding-you-back

and this about the art of living and being open minded…

The man who walked around the world: Tom Turcich on his seven-year search for the meaning of life

…. He says he met so many wonderful people along the way. He was already an optimist when he set off, but by the time he returned he had even more faith in humankind, if less in some of the systems we live under. The first leg of his walk was a learning process, he says, that saw many of his preconceptions overturned. He sounds slightly embarrassed by his naivety. In Central and South America, he would walk through towns and see houses with rebars sticking off the roof. He assumed the areas must be rough or rundown because the houses were incomplete, but soon realised that the rebars were a sign of aspiration. The families were hoping to save enough money to build a second storey.

Turcich had always been taught that those who work hard will be rewarded; that if you are capable and determined there is nothing to stop you achieving. But the more he saw of the world, the more he realised this was not true. “You end up realising so little is down to willpower, because there are much smarter, much kinder people than me all over the world who don’t have my opportunities.” He tells me about a man he met in Peru selling petrol to passing trucks from his roadside hut. “He was a great guy, and very bright; definitely smarter than me, and probably a harder worker. But he’s never going to leave Peru because of the geography or history he’s born into. You see over and over again that what really affects people is the systems in place.”

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/apr/11/the-man-who-walked-around-the-world-tom-turcich-seven-year-search-meaning-of-life

and this about the benefits of drinking tea…

Why drinking that humble cup of tea might be one of the best things you do for your health today: Gut Health Guru DR MEGAN ROSSI reveals its many benefits

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-11958053/Why-drinking-humble-cup-tea-one-best-things-health-today.html

and this about the dangers of bathroom hand dryers …

Why you should NEVER use a hand dryer: Disgusting experiment shows how machines blow microscopic POOP onto your newly-washed hands

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-11958109/Experiment-reveals-NEVER-use-hand-dryer.html

I added the latter two to make a point: don’t just jettison something because it’s not the best of its kind. Yes, the Daily Mail is no New York Times, Washington Post, or Wall Street Journal. It is not the most reputable paper on the planet and its biases are self-evident. However, it can still serve its purpose if you know its strengths and weaknesses.

For example, first, the paper provides great entertainment when I tire of “heavy” news. Second, being less reputable and more akin to yellow journalism, it is willing to publish things other reputable papers are reticent to publish. Third, if I have questions about something published in the Daily Mail, I can always search more reputable sources to validate. See, e.g.,

• https://www.health.harvard.edu/press_releases/health-benefits-linked-to-drinking-tea
• https://health.clevelandclinic.org/teas-for-health/
• https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/the-bacterial-horror-of-the-hot-air-hand-dryer-2018051113823

So don’t poo poo something because it is not necessarily the best. Appreciate it for what it offers. If you ask no more of it than what it can offer, you won’t be disappointed and you may even be pleasantly surprised.

This is true of people as well as things. Don’t treat someone as a throw away simply because they have character flaws. (Who doesn’t?!!!) Unless they are evil or just bad people who try to corrupt you and lead you astray, so what if they don’t know which fork to use or didn’t have the benefit of good parenting or formal education? If their hearts are pure and they are kind, forgive their less important human frailties.

Again, the caution here is to avoid corrupting influences. Remember also, the devil comes not in red and wearing horns, but with shiny teeth, bespoke shoes, and a silvery tongue, feeding you words you want to hear. Beware.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

10 years, 2 months, 28 days. Beware: pride goes before the fall.

30 under 30-year sentences: why so many of Forbes’ young heroes face jail

Just a few years ago, Charlie Javice was riding high. In 2019 the tech CEO landed a spot on Forbes’s 30 Under 30 list for her work on a startup called Frank, which she described as “Amazon for higher education”. What does that catchy but completely empty phrase mean? It means Frank helped students navigate the financial aid process. It was apparently so successfully at doing this that JPMorgan Chase acquired the company for $175m in 2021 and Javice was made a managing director at the bank. The entrepreneur shared the news on LinkedIn, boasting that in just four years Frank had grown to serve “over 5 million students at over 6,000 colleges”.

Turns out those numbers might have been just a teeny bit exaggerated. On Tuesday Javice, 31, was charged by the justice department with “falsely and dramatically inflating the number of customers of her company” in order to get JPMorgan Chase to buy it. According to the lawsuit, Frank only had about 300,000 clients and fabricated data to show a larger customer base. She enlisted a data scientist to make up a few million customers, basically, and JPMorgan, which has about 240,000 employees and pays its CEO $34.5m for his expertise, didn’t seem to spot this in its due diligence.

Javice has been charged with separate counts of conspiracy to commit wire and bank fraud, each of which carries a maximum sentence of 30 years in prison. Javice has denied all the allegations against her.

Javice, as eagle-eyed Twitter users were quick to note, is not the first Forbes 30 Under 30 alum to suddenly be looking at decades in jail. In 2021, Sam Bankman-Fried, a self-described “effective altruist”, made the list. Following the dramatic collapse of his former crypto exchange FTX, he’s facing a litany of charges ranging from bribing a foreign government to money laundering to making unlawful political contributions. His colleague Caroline Ellison, the former co-CEO of Alameda Research, made the list in 2022. In December, Ellison pleaded guilty to seven criminal charges carrying a maximum sentence of 110 years in prison – her cooperation means she’ll likely get a far more lenient punishment.

https://www.theguardian.com/business/2023/apr/06/forbes-30-under-30-tech-finance-prison

My most dearest children:

If you were a betting person, the two human traits least likely to disappoint you would be avarice (insatiable greed) and arrogance. You can always count on them to rear their ugly heads. Human nature being what it is, you wouldn’t be wrong to bet on the failings of others.

But that is no way to live. You can live life waiting for the other shoe to drop, or live life to the best of your abilities, enjoying all the wonders that life has to offer and let the other shoe drop as it may. In other words, you can live life defensively — allowing the actions of others to dictate yours, or you can live life by your own dictates, free of the burdens others hope to impose.

First, let’s set the baseline by acknowledging that NO ONE IS PERFECT!!! NONE!!! Any asshole who suggests otherwise, is just that … an asshole! Ignore them.

We all have our faults. Let’s worry about improving ourselves and not vilifying others.

Below is an example of how that plays out in today’s culture where we’ve gone beyond wanting to excise undesirable body parts with cosmetic surgeries to calling out undesirable character traits of others to excise their traits or them. Such nonsense! These asshole pretend they are without imperfections.

‘Notoriously cruel’: should we cancel Picasso? Collectors, artists, critics and curators decide

“I feel like Pablo when I’m workin’ on my shoes,” declared Kanye West in a line – from his 2015 tune No More Parties in LA – that became a slogan. “I feel like Pablo when I see me on the news / I feel like Pablo when I’m workin’ on my house / Tell ’em party’s in here, we don’t need to go out.”

Eight years on, the reputation of Picasso – the Pablo in question – might not quite be as comprehensively trashed as West’s, but it has nosedived nonetheless. When Picasso died at the age of 91, 50 years ago tomorrow, the Guardian called him the most influential artist of the 20th century. Today, Picasso is more often talked about as a misogynist and cultural appropriator, the ultimate example of problematic white guys clogging up the artistic canon.

https://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/2023/apr/07/cruel-cancel-picasso-monstrous-misogynist-anniversary

“Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.”

Look, let’s be clear: I’m not saying we should ignore Picasso’s deeply flawed character or condone them. I’m saying we should not throw out the baby with the bath water. Yes, by all means, provide a balance perspective — call out his weaknesses as well as strengths — and let each individual judge for him/herself whether he respect or abhor the man and the artist. That is treating each other with respect as individuals capable of making his/her own decisions, not the garbage of paternalistic-holier-than-thou censors who would deny us our right as human beings to make decisions for ourselves.

WE ARE ALL FLAWED HUMAN BEINGS. That’s the burden of Original Sin (if you look at it from the religious perspective) or of human frailties (from a humanistic one).

Humans are beautiful despite our flaws. Our beauty lies in our valiant efforts to live right despite the overwhelming odds to go wrong, despite temptations and ill-advice on every corner, despite the siren call of popularity and convenience. Yes, we falter time and again. But we redouble our efforts time and again. Those bruised and scarred by life are often the most beautiful inside and out for they have embraced life and lived! They were in the arena, striving valiantly and coming up short again and again … but at least they strove to do right and spent themselves on worthy causes.

A rose is not beautiful because it lasts forever or because it is perfect.

If we canceled everyone with imperfections, we’d still be rubbing stones together to make fire.

Don’t let yourself get caught up in this nonsense! Don’t play the labeling game. Give people the respect the deserve for living complicated lives filled with daily challenges unique to each of their circumstances. For example, I’m more than a Dem, or a conservative, or a Catholic, or a lawyer, or a Chinc, or an idealist who’d spent years helping homeless people: it is insulting to reduce to a single label my full life as a former child refugee who worked hard to master English and find success in the U.S., who got accepted into the Honors Program in college, who received a full scholarship to graduate school at an Ivy League Plus institution, who received his law degree from a leading law school, and who had spent a lifetime fighting to protect our fundamental human rights to safe and fair working conditions, to affordable and accessible healthcare, etc. — yet who never bragged about any of it to the world until recently to call attention to our plight and to right the great injustice which had been inflicted upon us by racist thugs.

Be humble. Know that you stand on the shoulders of giants. You would not be where you are today without the hard work and great sacrifices of the millions, known and unknown, who came before you and paved the way. Be grateful. You were graced with good parents who tried to raise you right, good teachers who helped you grow and develop, and a good community where you can speak your mind and expand your horizons with few limits. Not everyone is as lucky.

Don’t be judgy. Don’t poo-poo others who are less fortunate. They may have been burdened with parents working two or three jobs and who simply do not have the resources to give the children what they needed to be successful.

Be kind. Be mindful. Be present.

Be you. Strive to be the best version of you.

Set correct and realistic goals. For example, instead of setting “an A in class” as your goal, focus on those things under your control: how many hours you’ll spend each day and each week on the subject; how you’ll do the assigned readings before class; how you’ll sit at the front in each class to avoid distractions; how you’ll pay heed to what the teacher and what he/she indicates is important to him/her (teachers communicate what they think is important and will be tested, so pay attention); how you’ll join class discussion to clarify important points; how you’ll review class notes each day to firm up memory while it’s still fresh; how you’ll use the Cornell Notetaking method to capture reading notes, class notes, key ideas, summaries, and self-quizzes to maximize your chance of success (https://lsc.cornell.edu/how-to-study/taking-notes/cornell-note-taking-system/); and, how you’ll do practice tests using the teacher’s old tests to the extent possible to prepare for the real test (studies show the best indicators of how you’ll do on an exam is how you did on practice exams, not how many hours you’d spent memorizing your notes). Use a day planner to manage your time.

Do the work necessary to build a strong foundation of critical thinking skills, collaboration skills, and other soft skills needed to succeed in life. Forget short cuts and gimmicks. Do follow the science of memory, studying, and skill acquisition to give yourself the leg up.

Most importantly, do you. Don’t worry about what others think. Those who are good and who truly care about your future will help you do what’s best for you. Those who try to distract you or lead you astray were never truly your friends and do not care about you or your future. Ignore them. Stay clear of them.

As stated previously, do give back to the community, and do ask for help. We are social creatures and not meant to live isolated lives.

Choose life, choose to live right, and choose to help those less fortunate. Life is not complicated. The challenge lies in having the discipline to do what you know is right despite the circumstances and despite the siren-calls of those who seek your downfall.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

10 years, 2 months, and 29 days. Shosh, make use of your college career wisely. Waste not time on unnecessary activities.

Shosh, this post is specifically for you.

I’m not sure where to start since there is such a huge gap in our shared lives and communications this past decade as I live in exile due to racial persecution by government thugs. (FYI, based on the facts of the case, a former judge and refugee lawyer urged us to seek international protection — otherwise, we would likely have met the same fate as George Floyd, Patrick Lyoya, and others.)

Let’s start with your CV since that animated this post.

I am immensely proud of what you have accomplished on your own without much guidance from my vaunted siblings with their numerous advance degrees. Their failure to guide you is on them and will forever darken them in my eyes. We all lead busy lives, but if we cannot make priority family members and loved ones, then we are no better than beasts of burden. I’m proud of that you seem to have found your bearing, charted a path for yourself, and have gained leadership experience en route.

It broke my heart that last year, you worked janitorial service. Here I am helping the children of friends and others gain admission to top schools, more than a million dollars in scholarships, find great internships that propel them towards their desired careers, etc., yet I cannot help my own children because the fascist government thugs threatened to put you kids in greater harm’s way — in situations where studies after studies have shown that you guys would be SIX TIMES more likely to be killed than in the general population and 4-28 TIMES more likely to be sexually and/or physically abused — if I ever tried to contact you directly. Those thugs are in the Devil’s employ and serve their master well by ruining lives.

First, remove that entry from your CV. Not everything you do must be listed. Before you say or do anything, think it through: what are the benefits of including this in my CV? what are the costs? Unless you want to write for journals for the housekeeping industry what good does it serve to mention you did housekeeping when you want to become a journalist?

Second, if that was part of a work-study grant, then great. If not, you’d be better off finding paid and unpaid internships related to your areas of interest. Apply for jobs writing on-line for newspapers of repute. Build your reputation that way. Anyone can create their own blog and say whatever they want, but value comes from what others of import say about you and your skills. For example, I can toot my horn all day to little effect, but can win more people over by showing my kudos files of letters and emails I have received from presidents/CEOs of companies, vice presidents, and other leaders.

In other words, do your best, then let others speak on your behalf. This strategy is, of course, predicated on the strength of the speaker. It would be of little value to have a janitor extol the virtues of your writing. However, such statements from an editor of a reputable newspaper or journal would go a long way.

Start moving down that path. Talk to your professors and other trusted professionals (e.g., do informational interviews with major news editors or journalists you admire) about how best to gain a foothold in that competitive field. Our university has a great journalism program. I hope you are making good use of resources there.

Get to know your professors! Show up at their office hours. Ask questions. Ask their advice. Ask to be their research assistant. Once they get to know you, ask for recommendations for internships, etc. Asians are idiots to not take advantage of the wealth of resources at their disposals. The professors are there FOR YOU, TO HELP YOU as a student.

Write. Get published! Anywhere. Yes, go big, but also go small. Just get your name out there first. Do the necessary grunt work. There is no short cut. You want to become a writer? Write, then show me what you have written and how receptive the audience has been.

Don’t limit yourself at this point to any particular demographics. For example, when I aspired to be a good lawyer, I never limited myself to being a good Asian lawyer. Why would I? I aspired to work for or with top lawyers and organizations in my field of practice and have been blessed with opportunities to do just that. Luck is 95% sweat, as they say, and my case was no different: I’ve gone months working 12 to 13-hour days for 7-day weeks, weeks working on 1 hour of sleep a night, etc. If you care about something enough, you’ll find a way to make it happen.

Remember, you are not alone! There are good and kind people out there willing to help you. Your job is to find and ask for help.

Strive to be a big fish in the big pond. Let others of lesser skills and intelligence than I know what YOU have to jostle for spots in the little pond.

Part of your career development should include community engagement and service. Look for ways to give back to your community. No one likes a selfish prick. My community services at the University (Freshmen Interest Group leader, Co-coordinator of the Academic Peer Advising program, etc.) resulted in my being given the Dean’s Service Award, which helped me gain admission to graduate school at Duke University and other top universities as well as a full scholarship.

If you are interested in teaching, practice. Volunteer to tutor kids at risk. Talk to professors at the College of Education.

My point is use your time wisely. Before committing to an activity or group, think your way through and see if it would be the best use of your time in the time you have remaining in your college career.

Maximize your college experience and use it to grow as an individual and as a leader. Part of the college experience is the exploration of your interests. Take singing lessons, karate, acting, philosophy, history, art history, and anything else you fancy if you can. I double majored in college (Political Science and Honors in Psychology, writing my thesis on child psychology) and used to average 19-21 credit hours per quarter while working and doing community service.

Expand your horizons! Join different groups to explore the right mix that meets your needs.

Make friends! Talk to people. Learn to play hackie sack, skate, ski, paddleboard, etc.

Oh, Shosh, college has so much to offer! The only thing that can limit you is you!

Consider grad school. I’ve not looked into the numbers recently, but it used to be that only 10% of those with college degrees go on to get graduate degrees and only 3% get doctorates. This alone sets you apart.

More importantly, advance degrees from top programs will not only give you the technical expertise you need, but also provide abundant opportunities to meet and get to know great people in the field while working with the next generation of future leaders in that field. When I was studying at Duke, I remember a professor who had received his doctorate from Harvard saying many of his classmates from Harvard were now in leadership posts throughout the country. In a way, the same could be said of the 26 students from my graduate program at Duke.

Most importantly, advance degrees help you leap forward in your career path. For example, one of my siblings with only a bachelor’s degree worked for more than a decade before reaching the first rung of management. On the other hand, I came in with a doctorate and made management within a year and a half. (Mind you, this was the period when, among other things, I worked on 1 hour of sleep per night for weeks and worked my ass off to get my analyses published in toto by the BNA’s Daily Labor Report and to be recognized as one of four major players on top priority legislation by the Legal Times.)

As you continue your college career, try to keep your options for graduate school open by bearing in mind what they seek in candidates

What We Look For

https://college.harvard.edu/admissions/apply/what-we-look

What Do Grad Schools Look for in Students?

https://www.thoughtco.com/what-do-grad-schools-look-for-1685141

Grad School Requirements: What You Need for Admission

https://www.prepscholar.com/gre/blog/grad-school-requirements/

I close with a reminder that college isn’t all about grades and the filling of pails: it’s about personal growth and development, building connections with those you’ll likely encounter in your work life, and finding what not only lights your fire but will sustain it for the remainder of your life.

I hope you are making full use of the wealth of resources and opportunities at your disposal. I pray for you guys daily and look forward to the day when we can reunite as a family.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

10 years, 2 months, 26 days. Open your eyes and see: heroes, labels, and false assumptions. Too often, we look but do not see.

Woman crushed to death after pushing fellow ice climber to safety

According to Utah’s Duchesne County Sheriff’s Office, tragedy struck near Indian Canyon (about 70 miles west of Dinosaur, Colorado) on April 2, when a group of ice climbers found themselves in a situation where an ice column came crashing down. However, heroic actions by one of the climbers likely saved another’s life.

The three climbers were attempting to scale Raven Falls when a 34-year-old male climber that was ascending struck the ice column, causing it to collapse on impact. This resulted in the male climber falling roughly 40 feet.

As the ice came crashing down on two female climbers below, the 41-year-old female pushed the lead climber’s 21-year-old female belayer out of the way, possibly saving her life while sacrificing her own. The 41-year-old ice climber was later found trapped beneath two “huge” blocks of ice. Images from the scene show chunks of ice that appear to be the size of a large van.

After being pushed out of the way, the 21-year-old climber was able to leave the scene and call for help. The male climber that fell was ultimately hoisted off of mountain with serious injuries.

The deceased climber was since been identified as Meg O’Neill, whose last post on Instagram noted that she had climbed 121 pitches of ice this season. O’Neill held the Assistant Director position at Embark Outdoors, a Salt Lake City non-profit “designed to empower refugee young women through outdoor education and sports, such as climbing, hiking, swimming, and camping.”

https://www.outtherecolorado.com/news/woman-crushed-to-death-after-pushing-fellow-ice-climber-to-safety/article_adf8cfd2-d3e9-11ed-85c4-933e04fe4bba.html

My most precious children:

Heroes exist. They are most often the quiet ones, the ones who go about their business of living and helping others when possible and when the need arises. They help feed the hungry, give comfort to parents at the end of their ropes, hold the hand of a child during a particularly rough spot when child thought himself/herself unworthy of love. They picked up garbage others left by others, gave $100 to two young refugee girls coming to a new country, quietly helped hundreds of children and others escape the cruelty of fascism, xenophobia, and hate. https://edition.cnn.com/travel/article/refugee-sisters-tracy-airplane-reunion-cnnheroes-cec/index.html; https://www.npr.org/2021/01/27/960439081/he-saved-669-children-from-nazis-a-new-book-tells-his-story-to-kids,

These heroes help others for the love of their fellow human beings, not for fame or glory. By their actions, they answered the simple question: if not me, then who?

We run into these unsung heroes everyday, but fail to notice due to our ignorance and false assumptions about people. We look, but do not see.

Labels blind us to what is. Stupid, fucking, ubiquitous labels that reduces the sum of another’s entire complicated human existence to but a few pithy words. Labels that tear apart our society today as more and more people stop thinking for themselves and rely on false narratives pitched by those in the devil’s employ who urge others to bear false witness against their neighbors. Labels which show no signs of abatement.

Labels replace reality with false assumptions animated by false expectations. (Expectations also color or bastardize our memory, so beware. https://www.theguardian.com/science/2023/apr/05/short-term-memory-illusions-study.)

Be better. Look and see. Pay heed. Honor people with your gift of time by truly listening to them and truly seeing them as they are — beautiful because of the dirty hands, smudges and all — not as you expect them to be.

And, you, be the hero you can be. Share a smile with a someone lonely and feeling invisible. Help feed the hungry. Give comfort to those in need. If not you, then who?

Also, remember, there but for the grace of God go I. Your fortune is God’s grace. We see it daily when those less talented, smart, etc., achieve success while many others who are much more talented, smarter, etc., fail. On the flip side, we see fire, war, violence, and other calamities befall people, both those deserving and not deserving of such cruel fates. As told in the Book of Job, life can be most unkind in moments of muted grace.

So be kind. Be attentive when with someone. Be you, but the best version of you. Be prone to action and not waste breath and time among the timid who’d rather criticize the efforts of others than open their hearts and sully their hands.

I leave you with one of my favorites:

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

10 years, 2 months, and 2 days. Saving starfish!

How the Oregon Coast Aquarium is saving sea stars, one animal at a time

For the last decade, marine biologists nationwide have been working to make sense of a mysterious wasting syndrome that is killing off sea stars. Now, they are getting help from the Oregon Coast Aquarium, where aquarist Tiffany Rudek has been playing her own role in addressing the crisis, quietly saving the animals one sea star at a time.

When Rudek came to the Newport aquarium three years ago, the northeast Pacific Ocean sea star population had already experienced a massive die-off in 2013 and 2014. Sunflower sea stars – among the largest in the world and whose habitat stretches from Alaska’s Aleutian Islands to Mexico’s Baja Peninsula — were listed as critically endangered in 2021.

With the exception of the bat sea stars, the aquarium saw wasting in all species of its resident sea stars. The aquarium had tried various treatments but with mixed success. So, Rudek decided to take a different approach.

“I started doing a lot of research about everything we’ve found about the syndrome so far,” Rudek said. “It was trial and error.”

Scientists don’t know what causes the Sea Star Wasting Syndrome, which often leaves sea stars a gelatinous glob. It could be bacteria, a virus, the pH levels in the water, stress, or a combination of factors. The standard treatment was antibiotics, but Rudek noticed that the antibiotics worked in some sea stars but made others worse. That got her thinking about how antibiotics can also have negative side effects, such as stomach problems, for humans. She also wondered how someone might treat an animal, such as a dog, in a similar situation.

“I was thinking, ‘What can we do that is not an antibiotic?” Rudek said. “In most cases, when the star dies, it has a secondary bacteria condition, and that compromises the immune system and kills them. I started looking at probiotics instead of antibiotics to inhibit bacteria from thriving. It doesn’t hurt their microbiome at all. We want them to have the good gut bacteria, but we don’t want it wrecked by antibiotics.”

Over the course of two years, Rudek and coworker sea jelly specialist Evonne Mochon Collura concocted a cocktail of a buffer solution, minerals and a probiotic to help prevent harmful bacteria growth and secondary infection. They started using the protocol about a year ago.

“They’re basically bathed in this little miracle solution made of everything they need to be happy,” Rudek said. “It’s worked really well. We’ve been able to treat 17 stars, and we’ve brought back 15 of them.” Three of those stars are sunflower stars. The biggest is 4 feet across when fully stretched and about 30 years old. “All three have been here before the big wasting event,” she said. “Those that were here, made it through.” In the wild, sunflower sea stars are showing up again in Canada and northern Washington, but they have not been found in Oregon or California.

The treatment also involves an iodine-based solution to kill bacteria and cillia, microscopic organisms that live everywhere in the ocean. When a sea star gets sick, the cillia move in and infest the skin, causing the characteristic “melting” of the animal.

“We give them little 10-minute baths and it will kill bacteria and cillia,” Rudek said. “Essentially, when they get sick, we dip them in that solution to get them clean. They will relax.”

Yes, relax. It seems for all their quiet ways, sea stars do communicate.

https://www.oregonlive.com/environment/2023/03/how-the-oregon-coast-aquarium-is-saving-sea-stars-one-animal-at-a-time.html

My most dearest Shosh,

I cannot help but think of you when I read the above article. Remember how you used to love starfish and we used to visit the Oregon Coast Aquarium all the time for you to see them? Remember that one time one of the aquarium volunteers tried to correct you regarding starfish and you ended up having to school him/her? LOL. You were our resident genius and so passionate about starfish, dinosaurs, and excavators … not necessarily in that order.

I often think about you and where you are today in terms of life, passion, and future goals. I cannot help but think about where you would be had our little mixed-race family not been destroyed by the vile and evil. I still remember how Ms. T and Mr. D were so impressed by you when they met you as a toddler and were a bit intimidated by how smart and articulate you were. Mr. D thanked the heavens that he wasn’t burdened with having to raise such a smart child. (I, on the other hand, thanked the heavens that I had the privilege of raising such a smart child.)

It breaks my heart that I cannot be there to help guide you to adulthood and success. One of the kids I helped just shared that he’s being recruited by one of the big consulting shops. Under my tutelage, he’s gotten paid internships with great organizations and have been expanding his skillsets as well as horizons. I’m so proud of him! He’s a great kid: very polite and very well-raised. You’d like him!

But I can’t help but wish you too would have someone to guide you and help give you direction. It saddens me greatly that despite my siblings having advanced degrees and being successful in their respective fields of endeavor, not one has stepped in to help guide you boys in my absence. Likely that is partly a function of your mother being hateful of my side of the family, but where there is a will, there is a way. They failed. Even your godparents failed you. I am sorry.

One day, we will prevail in exposing the corrupt and clearing our names, and will reunite as a family. Life is long. We will have opportunities to set you back on the right paths to success.

Until then, work hard, read widely and voraciously, and take time to get to know your professors. Don’t be afraid to ask your professors for help with respect to internship opportunities, career advice, courses, etc.! They will help. Be the type of person they’d want to help.

I am always proud of you and Jaialai!

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

10 years, 1 month, and 14 days. Have the courage to be you and to be kind. Life is but a mere timid existence without courage — that’s not living; that’s dying a decayed death.

My most dearest Shosh and Jaialai:

My thesis for the Honors Program in Psychology in undergraduate was entitled, “Child-Rearing Practices and Pro-Social Developments.” In other words, it discussed the existing research at the time in child psychology about how to raise altruistic children.

You see, you are not only wanted: I longed for you. I long prepared for your arrivals. I wanted to do right as your dad and to prepare you to the best of my abilities to lead productive, healthy, and happy lives.

As they say in Vietnamese, even a dog may catch a fly sometimes when it yawns — “chó ngáp phải ruồi.” More recent research bears out the wisdom — and great health benefits — behind living an altruistic life.

Below, I give you the article just referenced about the health benefits of simple acts of kindness.

Have the courage to live well, my sons. Be true to yourselves and be kinder than necessary. You never know the cross another must bear.

Have the courage to also believe that we shall be together again one day and that the corrupt shall be exposed for the criminal, vile, and evil creatures that they are.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

——————————————————————————–

Random Acts of Kindness Day 2023: The health benefits of a simple act

By Sandee LaMotte, CNN

This year’s Random Acts of Kindness Day falls on Friday, but you may want to consider being kind every day.

The foundation behind the day wants you to be a “RAKtivist,” or a “Random Acts of Kindness activist.”

Here’s why: Spreading kindness not only helps others feel better about themselves — it can also boost the giver’s health and happiness, according to research. It’s a win-win for all. Here’s why.

A ‘helper’s high’

Putting the well-being of others before our own without expecting anything in return — or what is called being altruistic — stimulates the reward centers of the brain, studies show.

Those feel-good chemicals flood our system, producing a sort of “helper’s high.” Volunteering, for example, has been shown to minimize stress and improve depression.

That’s not all: The same activity can also reduce the risk for cognitive impairment and even help us live longer.

One reason for this, experts say, is because kindness contributes to our sense of community and belonging. And that, studies have found, is a key contributor to a healthy, longer life.

Lower blood pressure

Giving donations to others, or “prosocial spending,” has been shown to reduce blood pressure and improve heart health.

One study asked a group of hypertensive people to spend $40 on themselves, while another group with high blood pressure was told to spend the money on others.

Researchers found that those who spent money on others had lower blood pressure at the end of the six-week study. In fact, the benefits were as large as those from healthy diet and exercise.

Pain reduction

Giving seems to lessen our pain. A 2019 study found that people who said they would donate money to help orphans were less sensitive to an electric shock than those who declined to give. In addition, the more helpful people thought their donation would be, the less pain they felt.

How could this happen? The study found that regions of the brain that react to painful stimulation appear to be instantly deactivated by the experience of giving.

Happiness

In the UK, researchers found that being kind could boost happiness in as little as three days. The study assigned people to three groups: The first group had to do an act of kindness each day; the second tried a new activity, and the third did nothing. Those who were kind and did novel things saw a significant boost in happiness.

You’ll experience even greater joy if you’re creative with your acts of kindness. Happiness researchers Sonja Lyubomirsky and Kennon Sheldon found that people who did a variety of acts of kindness throughout the week showed greater increases in happiness than those who performed the same activity over and over again.

And here’s the good news: It seems acts of kindness can be anonymous or visible, spontaneous or planned, and can be as simple as giving a compliment or opening a door for someone. [Emphasis added.]

Kindness suggestions

OK, you’re convinced and want to jump right into being a kinder and more helpful person. There are literally hundreds of ideas on the internet, but here are a few to get you started:

*While driving, make room for the car that wants to enter your lane.

*Give a genuine compliment to a family member, friend or colleague(via text, email or video chat, please).

*Do the same for your boss, who probably never get compliments!

*Let go of grudges and tell people you forgive them (unless telling them makes it worse).

*Be there for a friend having a tough time. Don’t try to fix it; just listen.

*Leave your mail carrier a thank-you note.

*Overtip your delivery person.

A gift to yourself

Want more ideas? The Random Acts of Kindness Foundation also has lists of kindness ideas, organized by work, community, environment, animals, strangers, kids, older people and more. If you become a “RAKtivist,” you’ll get a monthly kindness challenge designed to help a worthy cause or individual.

You’re making the world a better place, the foundation says. But don’t forget — any kindness you give to others is also a gift to yourself.

https://edition.cnn.com/2023/02/17/health/random-acts-of-kindness-day-2023-wellness

10 years, 1 month, and 6 days. Be ready for life — there is no dress rehearsal; it just is.

My most dearest Shosh and Jaialai:

Are you doing your best to prepare for college and life after college? Don’t try. Do.

Yes, life is about second chances, but know that there are mistakes from which it is VERY VERY VERY difficult to come back from. A smart guy I know, for example, thought he was smarter than his teachers and decided to skip college. Many years later, after a string of blue collar jobs and living off other’s largess when his money ran out, he decided to get his college degree. He’s smart enough to complete his degree and land a good job. However, his years of being a laborer and working blue collar jobs held him back once he reached management. He eventually was let go and, given his failed management experience and salary expectations, couldn’t find suitable employment.

Be present, but also be mindful of tomorrow. That doesn’t mean you spend all your time daydreaming about tomorrow. It means do your homework today so that you will be ready when tomorrow arrives.

That means, for example, stop taking jobs as a waiter or similar and ask your favorite professor of your favorite class if you work with him/her as a research assistant or lab assistant or whatever, or if he/she knew of an internship he/she could recommend. Use your time today to prepare for tomorrow. Even if that means doing an unpaid internship and taking a part-time job — even as a waiter — to gain the necessary experience and get to know relevant people who could help you find relevant opportunities in the future.

That also means don’t coast in school. Push yourself! Take challenging classes. Extend your horizons. Engage in the community through volunteerism and school activities. Get to know people. Put yourself out there! You cannot succeed as a hermit.

Do. Don’t try. Do.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

P.S., this post was animated by an article that appeared in the “Daily Mail” this morning. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11754525/Majority-recent-graduates-not-emotionally-ready-9-5-huge-numbers-blame-colleges.html.

However, this should be no surprise as studies from a decade ago found kids weren’t ready for college or career, see, e.g., https://collegepuzzle.stanford.edu/recent-high-school-graduates-say-they-are-not-prepared-for-college/; https://news.gallup.com/opinion/gallup/182867/america-no-confidence-vote-college-grads-work-readiness.aspx; https://www.pbs.org/newshour/education/colleges-enroll-students-arent-prepared-higher-education; and, https://hbr.org/2019/01/does-higher-education-still-prepare-people-for-jobs.