10 years, 3 months, and 5 days. Value People over Money and Things, ALWAYS!

My most dearest children:

Years ago, in the graduate program in public policy at Duke University, I recall reading a case study about how bean-counters recommended closing a local public hospital in the poor part of town that was bleeding money, and having the government use the savings to pay for the poor to get needed medical service at the nearby, well-equipped private hospital in the rich part of town. From a financial perspective, it makes some sense as there were duplication of services with two hospitals nearby. (There are numerous reasons why public hospitals in poor parts of town often operate in the red, but that is beyond the scope of this post.)

However, the bean-counters failed to take into account less easily measured variables, like poor people from the poor parts town, many of whom are racial minorities, felt neither comfortable or welcomed at the rich hospital. They felt out of place at the ritzy hospital with their dirty and work-stained attire, etc. So they wouldn’t go. They waited until their medical conditions deteriorated until it was a medical emergency and had to be taken by ambulance there. Because of the greater financial and medical burdens of medical emergencies, the financial savings were never realized.

I was recently reminded of this story because some idiots valued a few coins over people and their fragile state. Don’t be like them. Always keep your audience in mind, and always value people over money. Always.

As Pope Francis once said, the new false god the masses pray to today is MONEY. Don’t be like them. Good people are worth their weights in gold.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

P.S., speaking of things, one of my favorite essays is “The Tyranny of Things,” by Elizabeth Morris:

Two fifteen-year-old girls stood eying one another on first acquaintance. Finally one little girl said, “Which do you like best, people or things ?” The other little girl said, “Things.” They were friends at once.

I suppose we all go through a phase when we like things best; and not only like them, but want to possess them under our hand. The passion for accumulation is upon us. We make “collections,” we fill our rooms, our walls, our tables, our desks, with things, things, things.

Many people never pass out of this phase. They never see a flower without wanting to pick it and put it in a vase, they never enjoy a book without wanting to own it, nor a picture without wanting to hang it on their walls. They keep photographs of all their friends and kodak albums of all the places they visit, they save all their theatre programmes and dinner cards, they bring home all their alpenstocks. Their houses are filled with an undigested mass of things, like the terminal moraine where a glacier dumps at length everything it has picked up during its progress through the lands.

But to some of us a day comes when we begin to grow weary of things. We realize that we do not possess them ; they possess us. Our books are a burden to us, our pictures have destroyed every restful wallspace, our china is a care, our photographs drive us mad, our programmes and alpenstocks fill us with loathing. We feel stifled with the sense of things, and our problem becomes, not how much we can accumulate, but how much we can do without. We send our books to the village library, and our pictures to the college settlement. Such things as we cannot give away, and have not the courage to destroy, we stack in the garret, where they lie huddled in dim and dusty heaps, removed from our sight, to be sure, yet still faintly importunate.

Then, as we breathe more freely in the clear space that we have made for ourselves, we grow a ware that we must not relax our vigilance, or we shall be once more overwhelmed. For it is an age of things. As I walk through the shops at Christmas time and survey their contents, I find it a most depressing spectacle. All of us have too many things already, and here are more! And everybody is going to send some of them to everybody else! I sympathize with one of my friends, who, at the end of the Christmas festivities, said, “If I see another bit of tissue paper and red ribbon, I shall scream.”

It extends to all our doings. For every event there is a “souvenir.” We cannot go to luncheon and meet our friends but we must receive a token to carry away. Even our children cannot have a birthday party, and play games, and eat good things, and be happy. The host must receive gifts from every little guest, and provide in return some little remembrance for each to take home. Truly, on all sides we are beset, and we go lumbering along through life like a ship encrusted with barnacles, which can never cut the waves clean and sure and swift until she has been scraped bare again. And there seems little hope for us this side our last port.

And to think that there was a time when folk had not even that hope! When a man’s possessions were burnt with him, so that he might, forsooth, have them all about him in the next world! Suffocating thought! To think one could not even then be clear of things, and make at least a fresh start! That must, indeed, have been in the childhood of the race.

Once upon a time, when I was very tired, I chanced to go away to a little house by the sea. “It is empty,” they said, “but you can easily furnish it.” Empty! Yes, thank Heaven! Furnish it? Heaven forbid! Its floors were bare, its walls were bare, its tables — there were only two in the house — were bare. There was nothing in the closets but books; nothing in the bureau drawers but the smell of clean,fresh wood; nothing in the kitchen but an oil stove, and a few — a very few — dishes; nothing in the attic but rafters and sunshine, and a view of the sea. After I had been there an hour there descended upon me a great peace, a sense of freedom, of infinite leisure. In the twilight I sat before the flickering embers of the open fire, and looked out through the open door to the sea, and asked myself, “Why?” Then the answer came: I was emancipated from things. There was nothing in the house to demand care, to claim attention, to cumber my consciousness with its insistent, unchanging companionship. There was nothing but a shelter, and outside the fields and marshes, the shore and the sea. These did not have to be taken down and put up and arranged and dusted and cared for. They were not things at all, they were powers, presences.

And so I rested. While the spell was still unbroken, I came away. For broken it would have been, I know, had I not fled first. Even in this refuge the enemy would have pursued me, found me out, encompassed me.

If we could but free ourselves once for all, how simple life might become! One of my friends, who, with six young children and only one servant, keeps a spotless house and a soul serene, told me once how she did it. “My dear, once a month I give away every single thing in the house that we do not imperatively need. It sounds wasteful, but I don’t believe it really is. Sometimes Jeremiah mourns over missing old clothes, or back numbers of the magazines, but I tell him if he does n’t want to be mated to a gibbering maniac he will let me do as I like.”

The old monks knew all this very well. One wonders sometimes how they got their power; but go up to Fiesole, and sit awhile in one of those little, bare, whitewalled cells, and you will begin to understand. If there were any spiritual force in one, it would have to come out there.

I have not their courage, and I win no such freedom. I allow myself to be overwhelmed by the invading host of things, making fitful resistance, but without any real steadiness of purpose. Yet never do I wholly give up the struggle, and in my heart I cherish an ideal, remotely typified by that empty little house beside the sea.

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1906/05/the-tyranny-of-things/638334/

10 years, 3 months, and 3 days. The uncommonness of Common Sense.

My most dearest children:

I feel bad for Alexander. He’s had to live with more than 50 years of “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days.” https://www.npr.org/2022/06/01/1102134950/for-50-years-alexanders-been-having-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-days

I can’t imagine. I’ve only had to endure 10 years, and it is more than enough to drive me bonkers.

Today started at 3AM for me, and it started as a very terrible, horrible, no good, very very verY veRY vERY VERY shitty day. Some days, it pays to not even get out of bed.

It all started because people can be very stupid. Many lack common sense… or refuse to take time to apply it. If everyone would only hit the pause button for a few second to think first about their audience, the issue at hand, etc., before uttering a word, the world would be a much better place.

Alas, we are not so lucky as to live in such a world.

Let me give you two examples — one from the past and one from the present.

Years ago, I was invited at the last minute by one of my siblings to join her on a trip to India, where it is not safe to travel by yourself as a woman. (One but has to glance at the numerous news stories about Indian women being gang raped — then burned in some cases — to appreciate the danger.) Typical of my approach, I bought a well-respected travel guide to help us avoid the pitfalls and known dangers.

One of the places we stayed at was a well-known and posh hotel that included a Rolls-Royce dealership on the hotel grounds, safely protected behind it high walls. The travel guide was very very very clear about the dangers of touts and other unscrupulous individuals hanging about just outside the compound to prey on unsuspecting tourists.

That day, we had intended to walk to a local bazaar a few blocks down the street from the hotel. On the way out, I had confirmed with the concierge of the five-star hotel the location of and direction to the bazaar. The concierge confirmed the direction and, after a lengthy conversation, gave us a local map so we wouldn’t get lost. He wished us a good trip to the famous bazaar.

As expected, as soon as we stepped out of the gates of the hotel compound, we were swamped by local touts as flies to shit. They started asking us where we were going (which I would NEVER would tell strangers when traveling at home or abroad, but my apparently idiot older sister did not get that memo of common sense). Then, as expected, they touts started telling us that the route to the bazaar was blocked by massive street protests. Thus, it was unsafe, and we must let one of them drive us around the chaotic scene.

I had warned my sister of the touts and tried to tell her to ignore their lies. She refused to listen to me (the one who she had invited along to help protect her). Instead, she chose to listen to strangers, believing that danger awaited if we walked our path as planned.

For me, it was simple: the concierge of the five-star hotel would be well-apprised of local events and would NEVER endanger guests. Thus, if there truly was a HUGE protest just down the street from the hotel, he’d know. MORE IMPORTANTLY, HE WOULD HAVE WARNED US OF THE POTENTIAL DANGER WHEN WE DISCUSSED WALKING DOWN THAT STREET TO THE FAMOUS BAZAAR!!! But he didn’t.

So I encouraged my sister to return with me inside the hotel to confirm with the concierge or other staff about whether there is a protest and whether it would be safe for us to walk down the street to the bazaar. She refused.

Seeing no other choice than (1) going along with her and the lies she’d been fed or (2) leaving her just outside the hotel gate and going back into the hotel to get independent and more reliable information, I returned to the hotel on my own to speak with the concierge. As expected, he confirmed there were no street protest and it was safe for us to walk to the famous bazaar as we’d discussed earlier with him.

Before I could end my conversation with the concierge, my sister came up to me and said I was right. Worse, she cancelled plans and went up to her room to lay on the bed in a fetal position.

Apparently, she was upset because … I was right?!!! How utterly fricking idiotic was that??? She’s the one who asked me to come along to help protect her, remember? So she’s upset that I watched out for our safety?!!! How fricking idiotic!!!

That’s the first story of how common sense can be rather uncommon.

The second is more recent and shorter.

As you must know, the news has been replete with coverage of mass shootings at a bank in Louisville, KY, and at a school in Nashville, TN. Social media is also alight with threads discussing this uniquely American epidemic.

Among those voices was the opinion of one who suggested that to solve the mass shooting problem, America should institute mandatory military service for everyone.

So the solution to Americans shooting and killing children in schools and adults at their workplaces, according to this genius, is TO FORCE ALL AMERICANS TO PLAY SOLDIERS.

… I don’t even know where to begin to respond to that post … other than to quietly walk away. It’s not my job to educate everyone.

However, IT IS MY JOB TO EDUCATE YOU, MY CHILDREN. So, here goes … learn to think critically. There are tons of good books written about this topic. There are classes you could take in college on formal logic, etc., to help you develop this CRITICAL LIFE SKILL.

Below is just a few books to get you started:

• https://theconversation.com/five-great-reads-to-help-teens-become-critical-thinkers-88128
• https://emeritus.org/blog/career-best-books-on-critical-thinking/
• https://www.goodreads.com/shelf/show/critical-thinking

More importantly, know that YOU CANNOT THINK LOGICALLY OR DEEPLY ABOUT ANYTHING UNLESS YOU HAVE THE RELEVANT DATA WITH WHICH TO MAKE THE NECESSARY ANALYSES!!!

Note of the two graphics I included above about critical thinking, the top, larger one included a bubble about obtaining information whereas the smaller one — typical of many posted on the internet — omitted the need for data. That’s just silly.

For example, how could you possible think critically about and discuss the merits and disadvantages of Ethiopian food if you’ve never tried Ethiopian food or know nothing about it??? Recently, someone who grew up in a communist country discussed the surreal experience of being lectured on the problems of communism by a Western kid who had just started his formal education and who grew up far from any real communists. This shit happens in real life ALL THE TIME!!!

This is why I always encourage you to read voraciously and widely, and to spend at least 30 minutes everyday reading and perusing all the sections of reputable newspapers to build your database of knowledge of the world: politics, business, the arts, sports, fine dining, etc. That’s why I also used to love to go to the book bin at Goodwill to peruse random books donated by folks to be had for cheap that would broaden my horizons. The beauty of Goodwill book bins are that they are really cheap, and if you don’t like what you bought, donate it back to Goodwill!

As the world becomes more complex and as ChatGPT and other AIs take on greater shares of lower-end human functions, it behooves you to build up your critical thinking skills and make yourself indispensable and irreplaceable by machines. Life is a thinking man’s game, remember?

So think! Don’t be like the idiots who spout dogma and the dogshit fed to them without thinking.

Let me give you another specific example from a book I’m currently reading: Narrative Change: How Changing the Story Can Transform Society, Business, and Ourselves, by Hans Hansen, a college professor. https://cup.columbia.edu/book/narrative-change/9780231184427 ; and, https://www.jstor.org/stable/10.7312/hans18442?.

This book is about the efforts of a team of public defenders to change the narratives in Texas where “[d]eath penalties were handed down more than 90 percent of the time in capital trials …, and 98 percent of the time in West Texas.” Chapter 1. By the time the author’s research is completed, the newly formed team of public defenders had lost just once.

This book is about the narratives which guide our actions almost all the time, which often limits our responses to what the relevant community considers to be “appropriate,” and which could be changed with conscious and significant efforts. As the author asked in the book, if you’ve never been on a first date, how would you know how to act? You follow the script or narrative played out in society — dinner and a movie. You know what to do at interviews, when entering an elevator, and when returning goods because there are narratives for those activities as well. In other words, we are on autopilots most of the time because we rely on and enact the narratives we are fed.

What if those narratives are false, or are not reflective of reality? For example, after decades and decades of Law & Order and similar shows, most Americans are familiar with the phrase that people are “innocent until proven guilty.” What if, as discussed in the book, the real phrase is “innocent unless proven guilty” or “innocent unless and until proven guilty”? See, e.g.,https://www.ce9.uscourts.gov/jury-instructions/node/335.

The difference is significant. If you as the jury are told the accused is innocent UNTIL proven guilty, you would understand your charge to be find the accused guilty. However, if you as the jury are told the accused is innocent UNLESS proven guilty, your would more likely understand your task to assess the evidence to determine guilt or innocence. There is no suggestion otherwise.

We humans are suggestible creatures. For example, if I asked, “Do you want a Coke?” you are equally likely to say yes or no. However, if I asked, “You’d like a Coke, wouldn’t you?” the question already presupposes an answer and you are less inclined to create unnecessary conflict and say no.

Now, here is the important example discussed in the book. We Americans take great pride in our Constitution and how our criminal justice system is supposed to be fair, right? That’s the false narrative we are fed daily. That’s pure bullshit for the uninformed.

The death penalty is supposed to be about justice, but that value is easily eclipsed by the three most significant factors determining who gets death: race, money, and politics. The death penalty is worse than arbitrary; it is rife with biases…. [To avoid unnecessary rancor here, I’m skipping over the discussion of the critical role race plays in death penalty case.]

In the death penalty game, the playing field is not equal. The rules are biased toward the prosecution and tip the scale toward death….

[For example, o]bjection rules favor the prosecution. When the defense objects, they are required to provide a legal rationale for the objection, even if it is only a phrase indicating a rationale, such as “leading the witness” or even just the keyword “leading!” to indicate the prosecuting attorney is leading the witness to answer questions in certain ways…. When the prosecution objects, however, they do not have to provide any rationale or cite any case law. In fact, the judge is directed to automatically “sustain” the prosecution’s objections if the judge can contemplate — yes, merely contemplate — that some legal rationale must exist, even if the judge cannot cite it.…

If the defense objects, they have to cite the legal reason, whereas the prosecution only has to object and can presume that some legal reason must exist.

Hans Hansen, Narrative Change: How Changing the Story Can Transform Society, Business, and Ourselves, Columbia Business School Publishing (July 28, 2020), Chapter 4 (emphasis added).

Does that sound fair to you? Does that sound like an even playing field to you?

Now add to that the fact that the American Bar Association, in its journal, had cited a study out of the University of Michigan Law School and other members of the National Registry for Exonerations which found that official misconducts by prosecutors and police account for over half of cases in which innocent Americans are wrongfully framed, wrongfully convicted, and wrongfully imprisoned. “Misconduct included witness tampering, in which a witness is tricked or persuaded to give false testimony or make an identification; violence, lying and coercive conduct in interrogations; fabricated evidence, including planted drugs and forensic fraud; concealed exculpatory evidence; and misconduct at trial, including perjury by polic[e] and lying by prosecutors.” https://www.abajournal.com/news/article/police-and-prosecutor-misconduct-contributed-to-over-half-of-false-conviction-cases-study-finds.

Now, add to those facts the fact that state judges are often former prosecutors. Do you think that influences them in any way?

Now, add to those facts the fact that most criminal defense lawyers are poorly paid by the system and are way overstretched beyond reason and beyond fairness. The following headlines from the reputable New York Times says it all, “One lawyer, 194 felony cases, and no time,” https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/01/31/us/public-defender-case-loads.html. Remember, the American Bar Association professional principles require lawyers to put aside sufficient time to prepare the best representation possible. But that’s often not the case for most criminal defense lawyers, especially public defenders. See, e.g., https://www.abajournal.com/news/article/aclu_sues_california_county_over_public_defender_caseload.

Now, add to those facts that fact that trials and lawyers are very expensive and most of those accused do not have the financial resources to fight against the state, which has hundreds of millions if not billions at its disposal as well as the entire apparatus of government at its service. Let me explain: in our case, we have been quoted and are expected to spend nearly half a million dollars to defend ourselves from the false charges. Since we cannot afford that, guess who we will have to represent us? Overstretched public defenders as discussed above. On the flip side, tax payers pay the wages of all the lawyers in the prosecutor’s office, all the police officers in the police department who are assigned to the case, all the staff in the government forensic labs, all the other public servants who lend a hand when requested by government, etc. THIS IS WHY THE LAW REQUIRES GOVERNMENT PROSECUTORS TO TURN OVER EXCULPATORY EVIDENCE TO THE DEFENSE — and it is such a travesty of justice that prosecutors often do not do this and violate this requirement with impunity!

Now, add to those facts the fact that judge often rule on objections in court without providing their legal rationale for their rulings, and that without such data, it is difficult for the accused to appeal adverse decisions because the appellate justices cannot address what the lower judge did not say on the records, i.e., the legal rationale for his/her rulings. As discussed in the book, the criminal defense lawyers have a right to request a written ruling on every motion and objection. But, judges don’t like that. The reality is, as lawyers, we are taught from the first day of law school to show deference to judges. Worse, if I litigate as a matter of practice and my specialty is limited to a certain field of law, I will likely see the same number of judges over and over again — judges who have power over each of my cases, my law practice, and my livelihood as a lawyer. What are the likelihood that I’ll offend the judge by asking for a written ruling each and every time to zealously advance the interests of each client?

These are but a few examples of how the supposedly “fair” criminal justice system is anything but fair, and it is STACKED AGAINST the accused.

So, stop and think. Beware the lies you are fed. You don’t have the time or energy to do this for everything, so pick your battles.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

P.S., I should say here that I do not practice criminal law and certainly not in Texas, which has the honor of being the Prison Rape Capital of the U.S. See, e.g.,

• https://www.newsweek.com/texas-prison-rape-capital-us-344729
• https://dallasvoice.com/texas-prison-rape-capital-u-s/
• https://www.prisonlegalnews.org/news/2005/may/15/texas-prison-rape-capital-of-the-country/
• https://justdetention.org/welcome-to-texas-prison-rape-capital-of-the-u-s/
• https://www.prearesourcecenter.org/resource/commentary-why-texas-still-prison-rape-capital-world

10 years, 2 months, 31 days. Broaden your horizons: read voraciously and travel widely.

My most precious children:

Pity are they who think they know it all. For deep within their hearts, they know the truth is otherwise. Theirs is a dark and narrow world, filled with morbid fears of the unknown.

As I might have mentioned, Ms. L’s ex fancies himself as the smartest guy in the room. While that may — or may not — be true in the little town in which he lived, when he tried his luck in major metropolitan areas like NYC and San Francisco, he found himself woefully inadequate and ran back to his tiny “kingdom” in mere months with his tail tucked between his legs … and still proclaiming he is the smartest guy in the room.

He may be right. The real question is which room did he choose to be in? Any of us can stand in the room for newborns and proclaim our superiority, but we would only fool ourselves if we took it to heart.

The point here is two-fold. First, don’t be arrogant. There is almost always someone better, smarter, faster, etc. But it doesn’t matter! You bring a unique set of skills, life’s experience, and perspectives that differs from everyone else. Your value lies in that! So embrace who you are and what you bring. Also, as stated above, arrogance gets in the way of wisdom. That leads to my second point, read voraciously so that you may broaden your horizons. As they say, you will never live long enough to make all the mistakes that others have made over the millennia. Thus, it behooves you to read and learn from others so that you, too, can contribute positively to the on-going conversation regarding what it means to fully embrace the vastness of the human experience.

The exciting thing is that knowledge is out there to be had!!! For example, today, I came across this great article from The Guardian.

Spring-clean your life! 20 ways to discard the emotional baggage that’s holding you back

From creating a proper support network to practising saying no, experts suggest their best tips for a healthier, happier life

Learn something new

Life changes can make us feel unsettled, taking away our ability to focus. Starting a new hobby or class is a great way to develop a renewed sense of purpose, leaving more space for creativity in our lives. Whether it’s learning a new language or trying a different sport, it really helps to take you away from that “mind clutter” you don’t want.

Sally Potter, women’s wellness leader and hypnotherapist, alofthypnotherapy.com.

Write a journal – but take your time

Most people won’t find the time to write in a journal for an hour every day, especially when it’s new to them. But you can still get a lot out of the process by doing it for just five minutes each day, until it becomes part of your normal routine. It’s also worth using a habit tracker app or speaking to a friend to hold you accountable.

Emily Button, life coach, emilybuttoncoaching.com

Volunteer for a good cause

It’s easy to get lost in your own thoughts and daily stresses. Try making time to volunteer for a charity or cause you feel passionate about, and document your journey. By comparing your thoughts and feelings with your usual daily experiences, it will help you to gain perspective, declutter your mind and open you up to new opportunities.

Dr Patapia Tzotzoli, psychologist, patapiatzotzoli.com….

Adopt the four Ds of time management

When it feels like life is running away from you, regain control by “doing, deferring, delegating and deleting”. Get your small tasks done quickly, delay anything that doesn’t need to be done right away, hand over to others where possible and scratch any extra tasks that don’t really need to be done at all.

Mandy Taylor, life coach, mandytaylorcoaching.com….

Break your procrastination habits

Spring-clean that start/stop mentality by spotting your procrastination behaviours and challenging them every day. For example, when you find yourself saying “I’ll just watch this before I start,” make a conscious decision to stop in your tracks before you get distracted. Simply by saying “I choose to do this,” you’ll be helping your brain to overcome the procrastination trap.

Clare Flaxen, psychotherapist and founder of CF Mindset, clareflaxen.com

Focus on what you can control

If you’re feeling worried or anxious about something, it’s easy for your mind to become quickly overwhelmed with negative thoughts. Take a sheet of paper and draw three columns. In the first one write down all the things about your situation that you can control, in the second write down the things you can influence and in the third add the aspects that are out of your control. When you’re building a plan, look only at the first column, so that you’re focusing on what you have the power to change.

Nicola Rae-Wickham, life and careers coach, alifemoreinspired.com….

Practise gratitude every day

As humans, we are programmed towards negative thinking and generally need five positive thoughts to counteract one negative one. Start each morning by thinking of five things you’re grateful for, such as a warm bed or a nice message from a friend. Do the same in the evenings just before you go to sleep.

Anna Badcock, coach, avitacoaching.com….

Make a record of your work achievements [I call this keeping a kudos file, which was suggested to me by a dear very friend early in my career]

Sometimes it can be hard to recognise our own successes, especially in a fast-paced workplace. Making a record of your achievements on a regular basis will boost your confidence in the short-term and give the starting blocks you need to negotiate a promotion or pay rise next time the opportunity comes up.

Laurie Macpherson, career mentor, lauriemacpherson.com….

Build a list of your support network

When you’re feeling overwhelmed, it can be hard to know where to turn. By creating a “go-to” list of people for every situation, you’ll always have the support you need on hand. For example, you can include people who are good at practical help or giving advice, as well as friends who are great listeners and will give you the space you need to talk about your feelings.

Katy Georgiou, psychotherapist and author, kgcounsellor.com

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/apr/10/spring-clean-your-life-20-ways-to-discard-the-emotional-baggage-thats-holding-you-back

and this about the art of living and being open minded…

The man who walked around the world: Tom Turcich on his seven-year search for the meaning of life

…. He says he met so many wonderful people along the way. He was already an optimist when he set off, but by the time he returned he had even more faith in humankind, if less in some of the systems we live under. The first leg of his walk was a learning process, he says, that saw many of his preconceptions overturned. He sounds slightly embarrassed by his naivety. In Central and South America, he would walk through towns and see houses with rebars sticking off the roof. He assumed the areas must be rough or rundown because the houses were incomplete, but soon realised that the rebars were a sign of aspiration. The families were hoping to save enough money to build a second storey.

Turcich had always been taught that those who work hard will be rewarded; that if you are capable and determined there is nothing to stop you achieving. But the more he saw of the world, the more he realised this was not true. “You end up realising so little is down to willpower, because there are much smarter, much kinder people than me all over the world who don’t have my opportunities.” He tells me about a man he met in Peru selling petrol to passing trucks from his roadside hut. “He was a great guy, and very bright; definitely smarter than me, and probably a harder worker. But he’s never going to leave Peru because of the geography or history he’s born into. You see over and over again that what really affects people is the systems in place.”

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/apr/11/the-man-who-walked-around-the-world-tom-turcich-seven-year-search-meaning-of-life

and this about the benefits of drinking tea…

Why drinking that humble cup of tea might be one of the best things you do for your health today: Gut Health Guru DR MEGAN ROSSI reveals its many benefits

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-11958053/Why-drinking-humble-cup-tea-one-best-things-health-today.html

and this about the dangers of bathroom hand dryers …

Why you should NEVER use a hand dryer: Disgusting experiment shows how machines blow microscopic POOP onto your newly-washed hands

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-11958109/Experiment-reveals-NEVER-use-hand-dryer.html

I added the latter two to make a point: don’t just jettison something because it’s not the best of its kind. Yes, the Daily Mail is no New York Times, Washington Post, or Wall Street Journal. It is not the most reputable paper on the planet and its biases are self-evident. However, it can still serve its purpose if you know its strengths and weaknesses.

For example, first, the paper provides great entertainment when I tire of “heavy” news. Second, being less reputable and more akin to yellow journalism, it is willing to publish things other reputable papers are reticent to publish. Third, if I have questions about something published in the Daily Mail, I can always search more reputable sources to validate. See, e.g.,

• https://www.health.harvard.edu/press_releases/health-benefits-linked-to-drinking-tea
• https://health.clevelandclinic.org/teas-for-health/
• https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/the-bacterial-horror-of-the-hot-air-hand-dryer-2018051113823

So don’t poo poo something because it is not necessarily the best. Appreciate it for what it offers. If you ask no more of it than what it can offer, you won’t be disappointed and you may even be pleasantly surprised.

This is true of people as well as things. Don’t treat someone as a throw away simply because they have character flaws. (Who doesn’t?!!!) Unless they are evil or just bad people who try to corrupt you and lead you astray, so what if they don’t know which fork to use or didn’t have the benefit of good parenting or formal education? If their hearts are pure and they are kind, forgive their less important human frailties.

Again, the caution here is to avoid corrupting influences. Remember also, the devil comes not in red and wearing horns, but with shiny teeth, bespoke shoes, and a silvery tongue, feeding you words you want to hear. Beware.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

10 years, 2 months, 28 days. Beware: pride goes before the fall.

30 under 30-year sentences: why so many of Forbes’ young heroes face jail

Just a few years ago, Charlie Javice was riding high. In 2019 the tech CEO landed a spot on Forbes’s 30 Under 30 list for her work on a startup called Frank, which she described as “Amazon for higher education”. What does that catchy but completely empty phrase mean? It means Frank helped students navigate the financial aid process. It was apparently so successfully at doing this that JPMorgan Chase acquired the company for $175m in 2021 and Javice was made a managing director at the bank. The entrepreneur shared the news on LinkedIn, boasting that in just four years Frank had grown to serve “over 5 million students at over 6,000 colleges”.

Turns out those numbers might have been just a teeny bit exaggerated. On Tuesday Javice, 31, was charged by the justice department with “falsely and dramatically inflating the number of customers of her company” in order to get JPMorgan Chase to buy it. According to the lawsuit, Frank only had about 300,000 clients and fabricated data to show a larger customer base. She enlisted a data scientist to make up a few million customers, basically, and JPMorgan, which has about 240,000 employees and pays its CEO $34.5m for his expertise, didn’t seem to spot this in its due diligence.

Javice has been charged with separate counts of conspiracy to commit wire and bank fraud, each of which carries a maximum sentence of 30 years in prison. Javice has denied all the allegations against her.

Javice, as eagle-eyed Twitter users were quick to note, is not the first Forbes 30 Under 30 alum to suddenly be looking at decades in jail. In 2021, Sam Bankman-Fried, a self-described “effective altruist”, made the list. Following the dramatic collapse of his former crypto exchange FTX, he’s facing a litany of charges ranging from bribing a foreign government to money laundering to making unlawful political contributions. His colleague Caroline Ellison, the former co-CEO of Alameda Research, made the list in 2022. In December, Ellison pleaded guilty to seven criminal charges carrying a maximum sentence of 110 years in prison – her cooperation means she’ll likely get a far more lenient punishment.

https://www.theguardian.com/business/2023/apr/06/forbes-30-under-30-tech-finance-prison

My most dearest children:

If you were a betting person, the two human traits least likely to disappoint you would be avarice (insatiable greed) and arrogance. You can always count on them to rear their ugly heads. Human nature being what it is, you wouldn’t be wrong to bet on the failings of others.

But that is no way to live. You can live life waiting for the other shoe to drop, or live life to the best of your abilities, enjoying all the wonders that life has to offer and let the other shoe drop as it may. In other words, you can live life defensively — allowing the actions of others to dictate yours, or you can live life by your own dictates, free of the burdens others hope to impose.

First, let’s set the baseline by acknowledging that NO ONE IS PERFECT!!! NONE!!! Any asshole who suggests otherwise, is just that … an asshole! Ignore them.

We all have our faults. Let’s worry about improving ourselves and not vilifying others.

Below is an example of how that plays out in today’s culture where we’ve gone beyond wanting to excise undesirable body parts with cosmetic surgeries to calling out undesirable character traits of others to excise their traits or them. Such nonsense! These asshole pretend they are without imperfections.

‘Notoriously cruel’: should we cancel Picasso? Collectors, artists, critics and curators decide

“I feel like Pablo when I’m workin’ on my shoes,” declared Kanye West in a line – from his 2015 tune No More Parties in LA – that became a slogan. “I feel like Pablo when I see me on the news / I feel like Pablo when I’m workin’ on my house / Tell ’em party’s in here, we don’t need to go out.”

Eight years on, the reputation of Picasso – the Pablo in question – might not quite be as comprehensively trashed as West’s, but it has nosedived nonetheless. When Picasso died at the age of 91, 50 years ago tomorrow, the Guardian called him the most influential artist of the 20th century. Today, Picasso is more often talked about as a misogynist and cultural appropriator, the ultimate example of problematic white guys clogging up the artistic canon.

https://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/2023/apr/07/cruel-cancel-picasso-monstrous-misogynist-anniversary

“Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.”

Look, let’s be clear: I’m not saying we should ignore Picasso’s deeply flawed character or condone them. I’m saying we should not throw out the baby with the bath water. Yes, by all means, provide a balance perspective — call out his weaknesses as well as strengths — and let each individual judge for him/herself whether he respect or abhor the man and the artist. That is treating each other with respect as individuals capable of making his/her own decisions, not the garbage of paternalistic-holier-than-thou censors who would deny us our right as human beings to make decisions for ourselves.

WE ARE ALL FLAWED HUMAN BEINGS. That’s the burden of Original Sin (if you look at it from the religious perspective) or of human frailties (from a humanistic one).

Humans are beautiful despite our flaws. Our beauty lies in our valiant efforts to live right despite the overwhelming odds to go wrong, despite temptations and ill-advice on every corner, despite the siren call of popularity and convenience. Yes, we falter time and again. But we redouble our efforts time and again. Those bruised and scarred by life are often the most beautiful inside and out for they have embraced life and lived! They were in the arena, striving valiantly and coming up short again and again … but at least they strove to do right and spent themselves on worthy causes.

A rose is not beautiful because it lasts forever or because it is perfect.

If we canceled everyone with imperfections, we’d still be rubbing stones together to make fire.

Don’t let yourself get caught up in this nonsense! Don’t play the labeling game. Give people the respect the deserve for living complicated lives filled with daily challenges unique to each of their circumstances. For example, I’m more than a Dem, or a conservative, or a Catholic, or a lawyer, or a Chinc, or an idealist who’d spent years helping homeless people: it is insulting to reduce to a single label my full life as a former child refugee who worked hard to master English and find success in the U.S., who got accepted into the Honors Program in college, who received a full scholarship to graduate school at an Ivy League Plus institution, who received his law degree from a leading law school, and who had spent a lifetime fighting to protect our fundamental human rights to safe and fair working conditions, to affordable and accessible healthcare, etc. — yet who never bragged about any of it to the world until recently to call attention to our plight and to right the great injustice which had been inflicted upon us by racist thugs.

Be humble. Know that you stand on the shoulders of giants. You would not be where you are today without the hard work and great sacrifices of the millions, known and unknown, who came before you and paved the way. Be grateful. You were graced with good parents who tried to raise you right, good teachers who helped you grow and develop, and a good community where you can speak your mind and expand your horizons with few limits. Not everyone is as lucky.

Don’t be judgy. Don’t poo-poo others who are less fortunate. They may have been burdened with parents working two or three jobs and who simply do not have the resources to give the children what they needed to be successful.

Be kind. Be mindful. Be present.

Be you. Strive to be the best version of you.

Set correct and realistic goals. For example, instead of setting “an A in class” as your goal, focus on those things under your control: how many hours you’ll spend each day and each week on the subject; how you’ll do the assigned readings before class; how you’ll sit at the front in each class to avoid distractions; how you’ll pay heed to what the teacher and what he/she indicates is important to him/her (teachers communicate what they think is important and will be tested, so pay attention); how you’ll join class discussion to clarify important points; how you’ll review class notes each day to firm up memory while it’s still fresh; how you’ll use the Cornell Notetaking method to capture reading notes, class notes, key ideas, summaries, and self-quizzes to maximize your chance of success (https://lsc.cornell.edu/how-to-study/taking-notes/cornell-note-taking-system/); and, how you’ll do practice tests using the teacher’s old tests to the extent possible to prepare for the real test (studies show the best indicators of how you’ll do on an exam is how you did on practice exams, not how many hours you’d spent memorizing your notes). Use a day planner to manage your time.

Do the work necessary to build a strong foundation of critical thinking skills, collaboration skills, and other soft skills needed to succeed in life. Forget short cuts and gimmicks. Do follow the science of memory, studying, and skill acquisition to give yourself the leg up.

Most importantly, do you. Don’t worry about what others think. Those who are good and who truly care about your future will help you do what’s best for you. Those who try to distract you or lead you astray were never truly your friends and do not care about you or your future. Ignore them. Stay clear of them.

As stated previously, do give back to the community, and do ask for help. We are social creatures and not meant to live isolated lives.

Choose life, choose to live right, and choose to help those less fortunate. Life is not complicated. The challenge lies in having the discipline to do what you know is right despite the circumstances and despite the siren-calls of those who seek your downfall.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

10 years, 2 months, and 29 days. Shosh, make use of your college career wisely. Waste not time on unnecessary activities.

Shosh, this post is specifically for you.

I’m not sure where to start since there is such a huge gap in our shared lives and communications this past decade as I live in exile due to racial persecution by government thugs. (FYI, based on the facts of the case, a former judge and refugee lawyer urged us to seek international protection — otherwise, we would likely have met the same fate as George Floyd, Patrick Lyoya, and others.)

Let’s start with your CV since that animated this post.

I am immensely proud of what you have accomplished on your own without much guidance from my vaunted siblings with their numerous advance degrees. Their failure to guide you is on them and will forever darken them in my eyes. We all lead busy lives, but if we cannot make priority family members and loved ones, then we are no better than beasts of burden. I’m proud of that you seem to have found your bearing, charted a path for yourself, and have gained leadership experience en route.

It broke my heart that last year, you worked janitorial service. Here I am helping the children of friends and others gain admission to top schools, more than a million dollars in scholarships, find great internships that propel them towards their desired careers, etc., yet I cannot help my own children because the fascist government thugs threatened to put you kids in greater harm’s way — in situations where studies after studies have shown that you guys would be SIX TIMES more likely to be killed than in the general population and 4-28 TIMES more likely to be sexually and/or physically abused — if I ever tried to contact you directly. Those thugs are in the Devil’s employ and serve their master well by ruining lives.

First, remove that entry from your CV. Not everything you do must be listed. Before you say or do anything, think it through: what are the benefits of including this in my CV? what are the costs? Unless you want to write for journals for the housekeeping industry what good does it serve to mention you did housekeeping when you want to become a journalist?

Second, if that was part of a work-study grant, then great. If not, you’d be better off finding paid and unpaid internships related to your areas of interest. Apply for jobs writing on-line for newspapers of repute. Build your reputation that way. Anyone can create their own blog and say whatever they want, but value comes from what others of import say about you and your skills. For example, I can toot my horn all day to little effect, but can win more people over by showing my kudos files of letters and emails I have received from presidents/CEOs of companies, vice presidents, and other leaders.

In other words, do your best, then let others speak on your behalf. This strategy is, of course, predicated on the strength of the speaker. It would be of little value to have a janitor extol the virtues of your writing. However, such statements from an editor of a reputable newspaper or journal would go a long way.

Start moving down that path. Talk to your professors and other trusted professionals (e.g., do informational interviews with major news editors or journalists you admire) about how best to gain a foothold in that competitive field. Our university has a great journalism program. I hope you are making good use of resources there.

Get to know your professors! Show up at their office hours. Ask questions. Ask their advice. Ask to be their research assistant. Once they get to know you, ask for recommendations for internships, etc. Asians are idiots to not take advantage of the wealth of resources at their disposals. The professors are there FOR YOU, TO HELP YOU as a student.

Write. Get published! Anywhere. Yes, go big, but also go small. Just get your name out there first. Do the necessary grunt work. There is no short cut. You want to become a writer? Write, then show me what you have written and how receptive the audience has been.

Don’t limit yourself at this point to any particular demographics. For example, when I aspired to be a good lawyer, I never limited myself to being a good Asian lawyer. Why would I? I aspired to work for or with top lawyers and organizations in my field of practice and have been blessed with opportunities to do just that. Luck is 95% sweat, as they say, and my case was no different: I’ve gone months working 12 to 13-hour days for 7-day weeks, weeks working on 1 hour of sleep a night, etc. If you care about something enough, you’ll find a way to make it happen.

Remember, you are not alone! There are good and kind people out there willing to help you. Your job is to find and ask for help.

Strive to be a big fish in the big pond. Let others of lesser skills and intelligence than I know what YOU have to jostle for spots in the little pond.

Part of your career development should include community engagement and service. Look for ways to give back to your community. No one likes a selfish prick. My community services at the University (Freshmen Interest Group leader, Co-coordinator of the Academic Peer Advising program, etc.) resulted in my being given the Dean’s Service Award, which helped me gain admission to graduate school at Duke University and other top universities as well as a full scholarship.

If you are interested in teaching, practice. Volunteer to tutor kids at risk. Talk to professors at the College of Education.

My point is use your time wisely. Before committing to an activity or group, think your way through and see if it would be the best use of your time in the time you have remaining in your college career.

Maximize your college experience and use it to grow as an individual and as a leader. Part of the college experience is the exploration of your interests. Take singing lessons, karate, acting, philosophy, history, art history, and anything else you fancy if you can. I double majored in college (Political Science and Honors in Psychology, writing my thesis on child psychology) and used to average 19-21 credit hours per quarter while working and doing community service.

Expand your horizons! Join different groups to explore the right mix that meets your needs.

Make friends! Talk to people. Learn to play hackie sack, skate, ski, paddleboard, etc.

Oh, Shosh, college has so much to offer! The only thing that can limit you is you!

Consider grad school. I’ve not looked into the numbers recently, but it used to be that only 10% of those with college degrees go on to get graduate degrees and only 3% get doctorates. This alone sets you apart.

More importantly, advance degrees from top programs will not only give you the technical expertise you need, but also provide abundant opportunities to meet and get to know great people in the field while working with the next generation of future leaders in that field. When I was studying at Duke, I remember a professor who had received his doctorate from Harvard saying many of his classmates from Harvard were now in leadership posts throughout the country. In a way, the same could be said of the 26 students from my graduate program at Duke.

Most importantly, advance degrees help you leap forward in your career path. For example, one of my siblings with only a bachelor’s degree worked for more than a decade before reaching the first rung of management. On the other hand, I came in with a doctorate and made management within a year and a half. (Mind you, this was the period when, among other things, I worked on 1 hour of sleep per night for weeks and worked my ass off to get my analyses published in toto by the BNA’s Daily Labor Report and to be recognized as one of four major players on top priority legislation by the Legal Times.)

As you continue your college career, try to keep your options for graduate school open by bearing in mind what they seek in candidates

What We Look For

https://college.harvard.edu/admissions/apply/what-we-look

What Do Grad Schools Look for in Students?

https://www.thoughtco.com/what-do-grad-schools-look-for-1685141

Grad School Requirements: What You Need for Admission

https://www.prepscholar.com/gre/blog/grad-school-requirements/

I close with a reminder that college isn’t all about grades and the filling of pails: it’s about personal growth and development, building connections with those you’ll likely encounter in your work life, and finding what not only lights your fire but will sustain it for the remainder of your life.

I hope you are making full use of the wealth of resources and opportunities at your disposal. I pray for you guys daily and look forward to the day when we can reunite as a family.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

10 years, 2 months, and 17 days. Be prepared for the new ChatGPT and AI-driven world.

ChatGPT and How AI Disrupts Industries

Late last month, OpenAI released ChatGPT, a new AI tool that can tell stories and write code. It has the potential to take over certain roles traditionally held by humans, such as copywriting, answering customer service inquiries, writing news reports, and creating legal documents. As AI continues to improve, more and more current jobs will be threatened by automation. But AI presents opportunities as well and will create new jobs and different kinds of organizations. The question isn’t whether AI will be good enough to take on more cognitive tasks but rather how we’ll adapt. Nobel prize winner Daniel Kahneman is the world’s leading expert in human judgment and spent a lifetime documenting its shortcomings. Yes, AI may have flaws, but human reasoning is deeply flawed, too. Therefore, “Clearly AI is going to win,” Kahneman remarked in 2021. “How people adjust is a fascinating problem.”

https://hbr.org/2022/12/chatgpt-and-how-ai-disrupts-industries

These jobs are most likely to be replaced by chatbots like ChatGPT

Chatbots and artificial intelligence tools like ChatGPT that can almost instantly produce increasingly sophisticated written content are already being used to perform a variety of tasks, from writing high school assignments to generating legal documents and even authoring legislation.

As in every major cycle of technological innovation, some workers will be displaced, with artificial intelligence taking over their roles. At the same time, entirely new activities — and potential opportunities for employment — will emerge.

Read on to learn what experts say are the kinds of workplace tasks that are most vulnerable to being taken over by ChatGPT and other AI tools in the near term.

Computer programming

Basic email. Writing simple administrative or scheduling emails for things like setting up or canceling appointments could also easily be outsourced to a tool like ChatGPT, according to Netzer.

Mid-level writing. David Autor, an MIT economist who specializes in labor, pointed to some mid-level white-collar jobs as functions that can be handled by AI, including work like writing human resources letters, producing advertising copy and drafting press releases.

Media planning and buying.

Legal functions. ChatGPT’s abilities translate well to the legal profession, according to AI experts as well as legal professionals. In fact, ChatGPT’s bot recently passed a law school exam and earned a passing grade after writing essays on topics ranging from constitutional law to taxation and torts…. Common legal forms and documents including home lease agreements, wills and nondisclosure agreements are fairly standard and can be drafted by a an advanced bot.

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/chatgpt-artificial-intelligence-chatbot-jobs-most-likely-to-be-replaced/

My most dearest:

These are unsettled times. What once was may no longer be.

The reality is that tomorrow being similar to today was NEVER promised to anyone. For continuity of life and ease of mental anguish, we assume so. However, one has but to look at yet another school shooting — this time in Nashville, yet another catastrophic weather event — this time a nasty tornado in Mississippi, yet another war — like the one in Ukraine, yet another innocent victim extrajudicially killed by the soulless and the corrupt — this time it is Irvo Otieno who was suffocated to death by more than seven “brave” “peace officers”, etc., to see that life is fragile and our familiar circumstances and options can be taken from us in a heartbeat.

You should know that more than most since our little mixed-race family was destroyed by Official Misconduct — police and prosecutors lying, fabricating evidence, coercing false testimony, hiding exculpatory evidence, etc. See, e.g., https://www.law.umich.edu/special/exoneration/Documents/Government_Misconduct_and_Convicting_the_Innocent.pdf (“Official misconduct contributed to the false convictions of 54% of defendants who were later exonerated…. Prosecutors committed misconduct in 30% of the cases. Prosecutors were responsible for most of the concealing of exculpatory evidence and misconduct at trial, and a substantial amount of witness tampering.”)

So be prepared. Think for yourselves and plan for your future. Conduct research, not the nonsense shit of Googling something and calling it good (that’s not real research): speak to experts in relevant fields, e.g., your computer science professors; read books and studies written by reputable experts, e.g., the new study out of the University of Pennsylvania, predicting that up to 80 percent of jobs could disappear in the years ahead due to ChatGPT-like AIs, https://arxiv.org/pdf/2303.10130.pdf?; and, read reputable newspapers religiously.

Low-skilled and low-end jobs have long been at risk from automation. That is nothing new. However, with this recent technological advancement, jobs requiring critical thinking and analyses are now at greater risks. Japan, for example, had successfully automated insurance claims adjusting several years ago, but the process could not easily be applied widely. That is now changing. Lower level writing, and legal skills like form drafting are now at risk. Computer programming is at risk. See, e.g., https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/medical/up-to-80-percent-of-workers-could-see-jobs-impacted-by-ai/ar-AA195VYQ.

So look for jobs which requires the human touch and soft skills requiring more nuanced analyses based on human frailties and insecurities instead of hard numbers — things which computers are still presently challenged to master. These may include counseling psychology, legal work dealing with mergers and acquisitions, and teaching at a higher level (here, I am thinking of Yeat’s quote that education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire).

I am sorry that the stupidity, arrogance, and greed of my generation is leaving the world more at risk and more unsettled for your generation and future generations. But we must meet life as it is — not as we want it to be — then work to improve conditions in our little corner of the world.

Be prepared. Fortune favors the prepared.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

10 years, 2 months, and 4 days. Collaboration, fitting in, and rocking the boat.

Harvard career expert: The ‘highly desirable’ skill successful people have—it is ‘surprisingly rare’

When young people ask me for career advice, I always tell them: “Don’t just focus on your own accomplishments. Be a collaborator.”

Through a decade of teaching and research at Harvard’s business and law schools, I discovered an important and often overlooked insight: People who figured out how to collaborate across teams gained a major competitive edge over those who did not.

The advantages of collaboration skills

When it comes to hiring, smart collaborators are highly desirable candidates. They deliver higher quality results, get promoted faster, are more noticed by senior management, and have more satisfied clients.

But here’s what shocked me the most: Collaboration skills are surprisingly rare, especially among men.

A 2021 McKinsey study found that women leaders, compared with men at their same level, were about twice as likely to spend substantial time on collaborative efforts that fell outside their formal job.

https://www.cnbc.com/2023/03/14/harvard-career-expert-the-no-1-highly-desirable-skill-for-success-very-few-people-have.html

My most dearest Shosh and Jaialai:

I read a great article today. The above is but an excerpt. You should click on the link and read the article in its entirety.

You don’t know this because our time together was cut short, but I have spent most of my legal professional career in and around HR. I’ve learned that in the hiring process, one of the most critical questions — from both the organization’s and the candidate’s perspectives — is how well the candidate will fit into the team and the organization, and vice versa.

Clearly, after having waded through stacks of resumes and whittling down the long list of potential candidates to the few finalists, the interviewing manager must ascertain which of the remaining qualified candidates is best for the team. As an applicant, you must also ascertain during the interview process whether this team and this organization is a good fit for you. It may be a great organization, but not a right fit for you in terms of corporate culture. Beware of this.

In the workplace, no man is an island. Employees and departments rely on the collective efforts of others for the organization’s shared success. If someone cannot be a team player, it usually adversely affects the team and the organization.

Collaboration, as a critical skill, dovetails with the “fit” concept. One must collaborate to be a team player and to fit in with the team.

The importance of collaboration cannot be overstated. It behooves you to learn how to collaborate with different people with different work styles. Such skills will be critical to your success in the workplace. We all have to work.

Now, in this context, I need to say that getting along does NOT mean going along with harmful ideas or evil people. The advice to not rock the boat is often animated by cowardice or bad management. Competent leadership and teams entertain diverse ideas and even critical ones as long as they have merits.

Be wary if someone shuts you down with “don’t rock the boat” when you raise relevant and substantive matters. Their advice may not be coming from a good place. Even if it were a friend trying to protect you from adverse organizational consequences, the point is you should note whether you are a good fit for that organization.

In my case, don’t rock the boat was a warning to not raise legal concerns in a culture of corporate noncompliance and illegalities. Literally, despite receiving a Cease & Desist Order from government regulators for years-long compliance problems, after I had successfully resolved those violations and got the Cease & Desist Order lifted, when I brought additional legal violations to the attention of the leadership, they brushed them off and cast them as “business decisions.”

Clearly, I was not a good fit for said organization. After spending months internally trying to stop the illegal and fraudulent misconducts, I went outside of the organization and reported them to government regulators, who validated my allegations after auditing the organization.

So collaborate, but be careful about going along just to get along. You are brought on board an organization for your knowledge, skills, and talents to complement the knowledge, skills, and talents of others on the team. It is your job to raise concerns where appropriate. As a matter of collaboration, know when to let it go once it has been considered, even if the outcome is not to your liking … unless, of course, what they are doing is illegal, immoral, or unethical. At that point, you must consider whether the organization is the right fit for you.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

10 years, 1 month, and 26 days. Happy Birthday, Jaialai!!! Now, get out of your head and into the world of the living!

(By the way, I’m not necessarily saying I endorse this book: I haven’t read it. I like the title and, apparently, it’s a bestseller.)

My most dearest Jaialai, and Shosh:

I wish for you the best of birthdays. May you know that you are loved from near and far. You are special. Know that. Embrace that. Find joy wherever and whenever possible. You have a gift with a great imagination. Use it. Be you. Be the best you possible. That is your gift to the world and your curse to those who attempted to destroy our once beautiful and joyful family.

Jaialai, it is always tough to celebrate your birthday year after year when not surrounded by all of your loved ones. It’s a dark stain on what should be a joyous occasion. Birthdays are always a stark reminder of what we have lost as a family to the vile and evil creatures who do the devil’s work in the name of goodness. May 1000 generations of their families be cursed.

I know the feeling. I, too, am alone. I am truly alone. I don’t have you kids, and haven’t seen or heard from you in more than 10 years. More recently, Ms. L was taken by the vile and corrupt when she needed to return home to attend to important personal matters. I have neither heard or seen her in months.

Most days are hard. Very hard. Impossibly hard. I literally have nothing left to lose. The arrogant fools forgot … or simply didn’t care to learn:

(James Baldwin is a brilliant thinker. You should read his books and writings to expand your horizons. Fools censure because they are afraid. Wisemen dare to read widely and explore different ideas in order to expand their horizons and improve their mental toolsets.)

Back to my situation, it has gotten slightly better over the months. Only ever so slightly. Most days, I exist on the brink of tears. The slightest trigger — a scent, a laughter, a familiar sight, a sound — can force me to fight back tears and paste a smile on my lips. But that need to not burden others with my misery often saves me from a deeper descent into the endless abyss.

For example, this morning, I had to put on a happy face to banter and joke with my hosts when they invited me to breakfast with them. We had a good time. But the moment I returned to my room, a sad tune by Nina Simone returned to haunt me. Her beautiful voice, the melodic and sad music, and the lyrics … oh how I wish I could simply turn off my mind like I could a radio, but I cannot. Not today. Not at the moment. Thus, I make haste to get out of the house, get out of my head, and get into the world of the living.

Now, I realize that this problem may not be the case for everyone. I assume people with richer imagination than mine can spend endless hours within themselves, mining the unimaginable things they find there. Others, particularly nuns living a cloistered life, can while away the hours communing with God. Unfortunately, I am not wired that way. I assume most of us aren’t either.

Thus, my lesson for you today is to get out of your head! Avoid at all costs living within yourself 24/7.

Yes, an unexamined life is not worth living, but that doesn’t mean you should spend all your time in your head. No, go within as needed from time to time to reevaluate your action, your intention, your errant analysis, etc. However, once done with the task, return to the present moment of the living.

The inherent danger of constantly living in your head is two-fold.

First, when you are down, as everyone is from time and to time and as members of our family must be given its destruction by the evil and corrupt, dark thoughts swirl within your mind, creating a vortex darkness which will swallow you whole if you let it. Like a black hole, that vortex of darkness defies the rules of gravity and works to suck you deeper within its grasp.

Avoid that at all costs! Change the scene, go for a walk, splash cold water on your face, go to the mall or library where you are surrounded by the living instead of ghosts of the past or undefined fears of the future. Immerse yourselves in the acts of the living, in life. Cook. Clean. Plant. Help the poor.

Second, as Professor B.P. once warned me at Duke University, overuse of self-analysis can land you in an endless loop. Fall into a mental rut, as it were.

Each of us have a limit mental toolset with which you use to solve problems. One of the important goals in life is to expand that mental toolbox to include as many tools of critical analysis as possible, or rely on the mental tools of those we trust. We often use the latter strategy by bouncing ideas off friends and loved one to get their honest feedback. In other words, we borrow their mental tools when we pick their brains.

Even more importantly, talking things over with others help us gain different perspectives. People often fall into a mental rut and are trapped in their own limited viewpoint. For example, a journalist friend once shared that she hated people who extolled the virtues of international travel and how it opened their minds … until she finally could afford international travel and raved about how her trip to Europe gave her fresh perspectives about life, ways of thinking, problem solving, etc.

We often fear and we hate what we don’t know or understand. Talking to others help expose us to new ideas and new approaches we had never considered or even thought to consider.

As I sit here in my room to write this post, I can hear my hosts talking to neighbors and laughing. That’s living!! That’s the opposite of us hiding out in our hidey holes and “conversing” with unknown entities from unknown corners of the world with unknown motives.

On Halloween, for example, there is always a spike in bad events because people hide behind masks to do the unthinkable if they were unmasked. That dynamic is amplified a thousandfold through the anonymity of the internet. Freaks pose as kids to chat with kids. Thieves living off the emaciated carcasses and lives of the marginalized and dispossessed, pretending to care only to line their pocketbooks. People in the devil’s employ while donning the mantel of goodness.

So, get out of your head and rejoin the world of the living.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

10 years, 1 month, and 16 days. Faith does not part easily. Remember to pray and to offer up your sacrifices to help others.

Oh my Jesus, I offer this for love of Thee, for the conversion of sinners, and in reparation for the sins committed against the Immaculate Heart of Mary.

https://www.ourcatholicprayers.com/offering-prayers.html

My most dearest Shosh and Jaialai:

As you know, I grew up Catholic, went to Catholic schools, and served as an altar boy for years. Daily, I strive to live right and by my faith.

It hadn’t always been easy. This is especially so after the destruction of our family by evil and corrupt government officials despite my many sacrifices over the years to answer God’s call to help the homeless, the refugees, and the infirm.

Systems in which I had long believed — Religion, Law, Government — had failed me in spectacular fashion. My faith was sorely tested, and my faith in the systems of men perished. However, Faith in God did not leave easy … despite my years of cursing God and blaming Him for our travails.

Bitter tears and harsh words eventually gave way to the comfort of prayers. I don’t know how else to describe it other than comfort. Maybe it is no more than the comfort of the familiarity — prayers I have said since childhood — in times of uncertainty and hardship. Maybe.

Personally, I suspect it is much more than that. It is an expression of Faith, of belief in God — not just as a social construct to give meaning to our potentially meaningless existence — but a deep-down-in-my-soul Faith in the Existence of God, in Mary, and in all the goodness they represent in a world filled with evil, hatred, and suffering … on full display as well-reported by reputable news sources each day. I choose to believe in goodness despite the evil that lurks in most men’s souls.

One of my greatest regrets is not introducing you to that faith before we became family interrupted. Yes, we went to church regularly as a family, but that wasn’t enough. We should have spoken more often about God, His presence in our lives, His plans for us (whatever they may be), etc. I should have read you Bible stories and discussed their teachings to give you guidance for life. We should have volunteered as a family to help the poor and appreciate how God had graced us.

Yes, His grace may be, or feel, muted at times, but it’s there. Like the air that we breathe, we pay no heed to God’s grace until the moment we become deprived of it. Learn to recognize it and be grateful for it. (Practicing gratefulness is another great life lesson.)

So, as late as I am, allow me to remedy this mistake. I urge upon you three things.

First, pray. I urge you to do a Morning Prayer at the start of each day to remind yourselves of higher callings than the mere satisfaction of carnal needs and desires and survival of the vagaries of life. Throughout the day, as you encounter hardship or even things you are not excited about doing — like the dishes or holding your tongue against someone intent on being an asshole — like St. Therese of Lisieux, perform these activities with grace and a smile, and offer them up in prayer. At least once a week, do the rosary. As St. Therese said, they are the link between heaven and earth. Google how to do the rosary or attend church sessions.

Second, go to church regularly and find fellowship. Remember I had earlier advocated for you to surround yourselves with good company? The church is not a bad place to start your search. Not all who attend church or are members of the clergy are good — one need to read news of corrupt priests and church leaders to know that. But remember, just because a priest is bad doesn’t mean the church is bad. Men are fallible. Thus, all systems designed by men must necessarily be fallible. For example, we love to say “America is a nation of laws and not of men” but that is just pure bullshit. Men make laws and men apply laws through the prism of their biases and insecurities. Members of Congress and Supreme Court Justices are no less encumbered by these frailties than you or I. Don’t believe the lies of men. But learn about and have faith in the Divine.

Search people’s heart for goodness and kindness. That’s all that truly matters. The rest are but icing on the cake. I love Ms. L because she has a good heart. Period.

Third, be service oriented. Volunteer to help those less fortunate. At the very least, when you witness people eking out an existence with much less than what you have been privileged to have, you will not only appreciate more what you have but will hopefully be compelled to help, even if only with a smile and a kind word to those who are often invisible in our society of influencers and must-haves. As my friend, Sue from law school would say, extend yourselves. Stay safe and learn the ropes from others as you start to embark on this journey, but don’t feel restricted by what is. Listen. Really listen to the cries of others.

Practice self-care to not overwhelm yourselves. Stay focused on your primary duties at this point — family, schooling, and personal growth and development — but make volunteerism at least a small part of your life and routine. I promise the reward shall be great.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

P.S., remember to give a shout out to Little V. Today is her birthday.

10 years, 1 month, and 14 days. Have the courage to be you and to be kind. Life is but a mere timid existence without courage — that’s not living; that’s dying a decayed death.

My most dearest Shosh and Jaialai:

My thesis for the Honors Program in Psychology in undergraduate was entitled, “Child-Rearing Practices and Pro-Social Developments.” In other words, it discussed the existing research at the time in child psychology about how to raise altruistic children.

You see, you are not only wanted: I longed for you. I long prepared for your arrivals. I wanted to do right as your dad and to prepare you to the best of my abilities to lead productive, healthy, and happy lives.

As they say in Vietnamese, even a dog may catch a fly sometimes when it yawns — “chó ngáp phải ruồi.” More recent research bears out the wisdom — and great health benefits — behind living an altruistic life.

Below, I give you the article just referenced about the health benefits of simple acts of kindness.

Have the courage to live well, my sons. Be true to yourselves and be kinder than necessary. You never know the cross another must bear.

Have the courage to also believe that we shall be together again one day and that the corrupt shall be exposed for the criminal, vile, and evil creatures that they are.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

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Random Acts of Kindness Day 2023: The health benefits of a simple act

By Sandee LaMotte, CNN

This year’s Random Acts of Kindness Day falls on Friday, but you may want to consider being kind every day.

The foundation behind the day wants you to be a “RAKtivist,” or a “Random Acts of Kindness activist.”

Here’s why: Spreading kindness not only helps others feel better about themselves — it can also boost the giver’s health and happiness, according to research. It’s a win-win for all. Here’s why.

A ‘helper’s high’

Putting the well-being of others before our own without expecting anything in return — or what is called being altruistic — stimulates the reward centers of the brain, studies show.

Those feel-good chemicals flood our system, producing a sort of “helper’s high.” Volunteering, for example, has been shown to minimize stress and improve depression.

That’s not all: The same activity can also reduce the risk for cognitive impairment and even help us live longer.

One reason for this, experts say, is because kindness contributes to our sense of community and belonging. And that, studies have found, is a key contributor to a healthy, longer life.

Lower blood pressure

Giving donations to others, or “prosocial spending,” has been shown to reduce blood pressure and improve heart health.

One study asked a group of hypertensive people to spend $40 on themselves, while another group with high blood pressure was told to spend the money on others.

Researchers found that those who spent money on others had lower blood pressure at the end of the six-week study. In fact, the benefits were as large as those from healthy diet and exercise.

Pain reduction

Giving seems to lessen our pain. A 2019 study found that people who said they would donate money to help orphans were less sensitive to an electric shock than those who declined to give. In addition, the more helpful people thought their donation would be, the less pain they felt.

How could this happen? The study found that regions of the brain that react to painful stimulation appear to be instantly deactivated by the experience of giving.

Happiness

In the UK, researchers found that being kind could boost happiness in as little as three days. The study assigned people to three groups: The first group had to do an act of kindness each day; the second tried a new activity, and the third did nothing. Those who were kind and did novel things saw a significant boost in happiness.

You’ll experience even greater joy if you’re creative with your acts of kindness. Happiness researchers Sonja Lyubomirsky and Kennon Sheldon found that people who did a variety of acts of kindness throughout the week showed greater increases in happiness than those who performed the same activity over and over again.

And here’s the good news: It seems acts of kindness can be anonymous or visible, spontaneous or planned, and can be as simple as giving a compliment or opening a door for someone. [Emphasis added.]

Kindness suggestions

OK, you’re convinced and want to jump right into being a kinder and more helpful person. There are literally hundreds of ideas on the internet, but here are a few to get you started:

*While driving, make room for the car that wants to enter your lane.

*Give a genuine compliment to a family member, friend or colleague(via text, email or video chat, please).

*Do the same for your boss, who probably never get compliments!

*Let go of grudges and tell people you forgive them (unless telling them makes it worse).

*Be there for a friend having a tough time. Don’t try to fix it; just listen.

*Leave your mail carrier a thank-you note.

*Overtip your delivery person.

A gift to yourself

Want more ideas? The Random Acts of Kindness Foundation also has lists of kindness ideas, organized by work, community, environment, animals, strangers, kids, older people and more. If you become a “RAKtivist,” you’ll get a monthly kindness challenge designed to help a worthy cause or individual.

You’re making the world a better place, the foundation says. But don’t forget — any kindness you give to others is also a gift to yourself.

https://edition.cnn.com/2023/02/17/health/random-acts-of-kindness-day-2023-wellness