10 years, 2 months, 26 days. Open your eyes and see: heroes, labels, and false assumptions. Too often, we look but do not see.

Woman crushed to death after pushing fellow ice climber to safety

According to Utah’s Duchesne County Sheriff’s Office, tragedy struck near Indian Canyon (about 70 miles west of Dinosaur, Colorado) on April 2, when a group of ice climbers found themselves in a situation where an ice column came crashing down. However, heroic actions by one of the climbers likely saved another’s life.

The three climbers were attempting to scale Raven Falls when a 34-year-old male climber that was ascending struck the ice column, causing it to collapse on impact. This resulted in the male climber falling roughly 40 feet.

As the ice came crashing down on two female climbers below, the 41-year-old female pushed the lead climber’s 21-year-old female belayer out of the way, possibly saving her life while sacrificing her own. The 41-year-old ice climber was later found trapped beneath two “huge” blocks of ice. Images from the scene show chunks of ice that appear to be the size of a large van.

After being pushed out of the way, the 21-year-old climber was able to leave the scene and call for help. The male climber that fell was ultimately hoisted off of mountain with serious injuries.

The deceased climber was since been identified as Meg O’Neill, whose last post on Instagram noted that she had climbed 121 pitches of ice this season. O’Neill held the Assistant Director position at Embark Outdoors, a Salt Lake City non-profit “designed to empower refugee young women through outdoor education and sports, such as climbing, hiking, swimming, and camping.”

https://www.outtherecolorado.com/news/woman-crushed-to-death-after-pushing-fellow-ice-climber-to-safety/article_adf8cfd2-d3e9-11ed-85c4-933e04fe4bba.html

My most precious children:

Heroes exist. They are most often the quiet ones, the ones who go about their business of living and helping others when possible and when the need arises. They help feed the hungry, give comfort to parents at the end of their ropes, hold the hand of a child during a particularly rough spot when child thought himself/herself unworthy of love. They picked up garbage others left by others, gave $100 to two young refugee girls coming to a new country, quietly helped hundreds of children and others escape the cruelty of fascism, xenophobia, and hate. https://edition.cnn.com/travel/article/refugee-sisters-tracy-airplane-reunion-cnnheroes-cec/index.html; https://www.npr.org/2021/01/27/960439081/he-saved-669-children-from-nazis-a-new-book-tells-his-story-to-kids,

These heroes help others for the love of their fellow human beings, not for fame or glory. By their actions, they answered the simple question: if not me, then who?

We run into these unsung heroes everyday, but fail to notice due to our ignorance and false assumptions about people. We look, but do not see.

Labels blind us to what is. Stupid, fucking, ubiquitous labels that reduces the sum of another’s entire complicated human existence to but a few pithy words. Labels that tear apart our society today as more and more people stop thinking for themselves and rely on false narratives pitched by those in the devil’s employ who urge others to bear false witness against their neighbors. Labels which show no signs of abatement.

Labels replace reality with false assumptions animated by false expectations. (Expectations also color or bastardize our memory, so beware. https://www.theguardian.com/science/2023/apr/05/short-term-memory-illusions-study.)

Be better. Look and see. Pay heed. Honor people with your gift of time by truly listening to them and truly seeing them as they are — beautiful because of the dirty hands, smudges and all — not as you expect them to be.

And, you, be the hero you can be. Share a smile with a someone lonely and feeling invisible. Help feed the hungry. Give comfort to those in need. If not you, then who?

Also, remember, there but for the grace of God go I. Your fortune is God’s grace. We see it daily when those less talented, smart, etc., achieve success while many others who are much more talented, smarter, etc., fail. On the flip side, we see fire, war, violence, and other calamities befall people, both those deserving and not deserving of such cruel fates. As told in the Book of Job, life can be most unkind in moments of muted grace.

So be kind. Be attentive when with someone. Be you, but the best version of you. Be prone to action and not waste breath and time among the timid who’d rather criticize the efforts of others than open their hearts and sully their hands.

I leave you with one of my favorites:

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

10 years, 2 months, and 17 days. Be prepared for the new ChatGPT and AI-driven world.

ChatGPT and How AI Disrupts Industries

Late last month, OpenAI released ChatGPT, a new AI tool that can tell stories and write code. It has the potential to take over certain roles traditionally held by humans, such as copywriting, answering customer service inquiries, writing news reports, and creating legal documents. As AI continues to improve, more and more current jobs will be threatened by automation. But AI presents opportunities as well and will create new jobs and different kinds of organizations. The question isn’t whether AI will be good enough to take on more cognitive tasks but rather how we’ll adapt. Nobel prize winner Daniel Kahneman is the world’s leading expert in human judgment and spent a lifetime documenting its shortcomings. Yes, AI may have flaws, but human reasoning is deeply flawed, too. Therefore, “Clearly AI is going to win,” Kahneman remarked in 2021. “How people adjust is a fascinating problem.”

https://hbr.org/2022/12/chatgpt-and-how-ai-disrupts-industries

These jobs are most likely to be replaced by chatbots like ChatGPT

Chatbots and artificial intelligence tools like ChatGPT that can almost instantly produce increasingly sophisticated written content are already being used to perform a variety of tasks, from writing high school assignments to generating legal documents and even authoring legislation.

As in every major cycle of technological innovation, some workers will be displaced, with artificial intelligence taking over their roles. At the same time, entirely new activities — and potential opportunities for employment — will emerge.

Read on to learn what experts say are the kinds of workplace tasks that are most vulnerable to being taken over by ChatGPT and other AI tools in the near term.

Computer programming

Basic email. Writing simple administrative or scheduling emails for things like setting up or canceling appointments could also easily be outsourced to a tool like ChatGPT, according to Netzer.

Mid-level writing. David Autor, an MIT economist who specializes in labor, pointed to some mid-level white-collar jobs as functions that can be handled by AI, including work like writing human resources letters, producing advertising copy and drafting press releases.

Media planning and buying.

Legal functions. ChatGPT’s abilities translate well to the legal profession, according to AI experts as well as legal professionals. In fact, ChatGPT’s bot recently passed a law school exam and earned a passing grade after writing essays on topics ranging from constitutional law to taxation and torts…. Common legal forms and documents including home lease agreements, wills and nondisclosure agreements are fairly standard and can be drafted by a an advanced bot.

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/chatgpt-artificial-intelligence-chatbot-jobs-most-likely-to-be-replaced/

My most dearest:

These are unsettled times. What once was may no longer be.

The reality is that tomorrow being similar to today was NEVER promised to anyone. For continuity of life and ease of mental anguish, we assume so. However, one has but to look at yet another school shooting — this time in Nashville, yet another catastrophic weather event — this time a nasty tornado in Mississippi, yet another war — like the one in Ukraine, yet another innocent victim extrajudicially killed by the soulless and the corrupt — this time it is Irvo Otieno who was suffocated to death by more than seven “brave” “peace officers”, etc., to see that life is fragile and our familiar circumstances and options can be taken from us in a heartbeat.

You should know that more than most since our little mixed-race family was destroyed by Official Misconduct — police and prosecutors lying, fabricating evidence, coercing false testimony, hiding exculpatory evidence, etc. See, e.g., https://www.law.umich.edu/special/exoneration/Documents/Government_Misconduct_and_Convicting_the_Innocent.pdf (“Official misconduct contributed to the false convictions of 54% of defendants who were later exonerated…. Prosecutors committed misconduct in 30% of the cases. Prosecutors were responsible for most of the concealing of exculpatory evidence and misconduct at trial, and a substantial amount of witness tampering.”)

So be prepared. Think for yourselves and plan for your future. Conduct research, not the nonsense shit of Googling something and calling it good (that’s not real research): speak to experts in relevant fields, e.g., your computer science professors; read books and studies written by reputable experts, e.g., the new study out of the University of Pennsylvania, predicting that up to 80 percent of jobs could disappear in the years ahead due to ChatGPT-like AIs, https://arxiv.org/pdf/2303.10130.pdf?; and, read reputable newspapers religiously.

Low-skilled and low-end jobs have long been at risk from automation. That is nothing new. However, with this recent technological advancement, jobs requiring critical thinking and analyses are now at greater risks. Japan, for example, had successfully automated insurance claims adjusting several years ago, but the process could not easily be applied widely. That is now changing. Lower level writing, and legal skills like form drafting are now at risk. Computer programming is at risk. See, e.g., https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/medical/up-to-80-percent-of-workers-could-see-jobs-impacted-by-ai/ar-AA195VYQ.

So look for jobs which requires the human touch and soft skills requiring more nuanced analyses based on human frailties and insecurities instead of hard numbers — things which computers are still presently challenged to master. These may include counseling psychology, legal work dealing with mergers and acquisitions, and teaching at a higher level (here, I am thinking of Yeat’s quote that education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire).

I am sorry that the stupidity, arrogance, and greed of my generation is leaving the world more at risk and more unsettled for your generation and future generations. But we must meet life as it is — not as we want it to be — then work to improve conditions in our little corner of the world.

Be prepared. Fortune favors the prepared.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

10 years, 2 months, and 14 days. Be FOCUSED. Be INDISTRACTIBLE!

Stanford psychology expert: This is the No. 1 skill parents need to teach their kids—but most don’t

As parents, we all want to raise kids who are smart and focused, especially in a world where digital distraction seems to be inescapable. (Even tech titans like Steve Jobs and Bill Gates have strategies for limiting their children’s screen time.)

Why? Because in the future, there will be two kinds of people in the world: Those who let their attention and lives be controlled and coerced by others and those who proudly call themselves “indistractable.”

Becoming indistractable is the most important skill for the 21st century — and it’s one that many parents fail to teach their kids. After years of studying the intersection of psychology, technology and how we engage with it, one of the biggest mistakes I see parents making is not empowering their kids with the autonomy to control their own time.

Allowing them to do so is a tremendous gift; even if they fail from time to time, failure is part of the learning process. Parents need to understand that it’s okay to put their kids in charge, because it’s only when they learn to practice monitoring their own behavior that they learn how to manage their own time and attention.

https://www.cnbc.com/2019/09/10/stanford-psychology-expert-biggest-parenting-mistake-is-not-teaching-kids-this-important-skill.html

My most precious children:

So I typed in “indistractable” to find images for this post and, of course, most of what the search engine returned related to “industructible” — the game or other things. Such is life, isn’t it? You try to focus on something, and everything conspires to to lead your attention elsewhere. Be mindful of this.

According to the above article, I failed you. I should have done a better job of teaching you focus skills during our brief time together. Yes, we limited screen time; yes, we got you into the habit of having a light snack after school before sitting down at the dinning room table to do your schoolwork then going outside to play in the park; yes, we read to you; and, yes, we exposed you to culture by taking you to the farmer’s market, music festivals, international fairs, museums, art galleries, and shows like Disney on Ice. But that is not enough. We needed to better prepare you for the world of distraction, TO FOCUS, and we failed in that regard.

Like most things in life, focus is but a skill. This is good news because skills can be learned and improved with practice.

Focus is a critical skill and has served me well.

For most of my legal career, I skipped breakfast and often forget to eat lunch. As Nicole, a dear friend, once said, “That’s a special kind of stupid.” (As a kid here once said, “Best friends say bad things to your face. Bad friends say best things to your face but bad things behind your back.” Wise kid!!! True friends speak truth to you to help you change. Bad friends, sycophants and hanger-ons blow smoke up your ass to flatter you for their benefit. Beware.)

The truth is I often forget to eat lunch because I was focused on my work. ERISA is a complex area of law. Often, any one issue may touch upon numerous other related issues. Thus, my work required me to stay focus on all the balls in the air so that I can be sure to deal with each and not drop one.

During my years working, I usually got up at 2:30 – 3:00 AM to work from my home office because it’s the only time I can find to work on intensive projects without the interruptions of phone calls, texts, a knock on my office door, etc. Around 7:00 – 8:00 AM, I would go to my office and, if work required, closed my door and asked my secretary to hold all calls, etc., to the extent possible (e.g., if a partner of the law firm walks in, you stop your work and deal with whatever crisis animated that visit). As my work often entailed drafting lengthy and complicated plan documents for various health and group welfare benefit plans for major clients, when required, I would hunker down and write, being sure everything matches up. If I’m lucky, I would work nonstop until around 2:00 or 3:00 PM, when my stomach would start to complain from lack of solid food and only coffee. At that point, I’d shut down and head out to grab something to eat.

It wasn’t the healthiest of lifestyle, but it got the job done when it was necessary. Others may have found better strategies, but that was the best I could do when, for example, we were burdened with having to digest thousands of page of new HIPAA laws and regulations, developing our new in-house tools to help educate clients and help them comply with the new laws, drafting HIPAA Privacy and Security Manuals tailored to the specific operations of each of our clients, etc. One a good note, I had been practicing intermittent fasting before it became a thing!

One instance of the complexity of what I did comes to mind. I’m big on creating simple charts to help clients digest complicated issues, and once took it upon myself to create a flowchart to help major clients through the decision-making process for the new cafeteria regulations. The idea sounds simple enough, but the execution was a nightmare because so many of the issues were interrelated. I asked one of the top ERISA lawyers I knew — who eventually was tapped to be national practice lead for the legal think tank of the leading, multi-billion-dollar company where we worked — to peer-review my work, and he made great suggestions and edits. However, as we continued to seek ways to improve on the tool, I eventually handed it off to him to implement the changes he suggested. Shortly thereafter, he called to say it was good as is because he had discovered for himself the complexity of keeping all the balls in the air and making sure they all lined up in the end. That kind of work did not lend itself to an unfocused work strategy.

Life demands focus, be it during time with your loved ones or at work. Practice. Start small with 20-minute increments using the pomodoro app, for example. Then, build up your focus by 5-10 minute increments until you can do stay focused for an hour or two or more.

Ignore fools who say they can multitask and urge you to do likewise. They may believe they can efficiently discharge more tasks by doing them simultaneously, but science proves them wrong time and again.

Clear your desk of everything except the current project when you work. Reduce noise and distractions. (I often play classical music in the background to drown out other noise.) Focus. Work. When the clock rings, get up and take a quick break before returning to the task when break ends. Recent studies about the usefulness of micro-exercises suggest you to a quick walk up the stair or around the office to get some exercise in.

Success is 95% sweat. Success is rarely accidental. So maximize your chance for success by building the necessary soft skills — focus, collaboration, communication, etc.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

10 years, 2 months, and 4 days. Collaboration, fitting in, and rocking the boat.

Harvard career expert: The ‘highly desirable’ skill successful people have—it is ‘surprisingly rare’

When young people ask me for career advice, I always tell them: “Don’t just focus on your own accomplishments. Be a collaborator.”

Through a decade of teaching and research at Harvard’s business and law schools, I discovered an important and often overlooked insight: People who figured out how to collaborate across teams gained a major competitive edge over those who did not.

The advantages of collaboration skills

When it comes to hiring, smart collaborators are highly desirable candidates. They deliver higher quality results, get promoted faster, are more noticed by senior management, and have more satisfied clients.

But here’s what shocked me the most: Collaboration skills are surprisingly rare, especially among men.

A 2021 McKinsey study found that women leaders, compared with men at their same level, were about twice as likely to spend substantial time on collaborative efforts that fell outside their formal job.

https://www.cnbc.com/2023/03/14/harvard-career-expert-the-no-1-highly-desirable-skill-for-success-very-few-people-have.html

My most dearest Shosh and Jaialai:

I read a great article today. The above is but an excerpt. You should click on the link and read the article in its entirety.

You don’t know this because our time together was cut short, but I have spent most of my legal professional career in and around HR. I’ve learned that in the hiring process, one of the most critical questions — from both the organization’s and the candidate’s perspectives — is how well the candidate will fit into the team and the organization, and vice versa.

Clearly, after having waded through stacks of resumes and whittling down the long list of potential candidates to the few finalists, the interviewing manager must ascertain which of the remaining qualified candidates is best for the team. As an applicant, you must also ascertain during the interview process whether this team and this organization is a good fit for you. It may be a great organization, but not a right fit for you in terms of corporate culture. Beware of this.

In the workplace, no man is an island. Employees and departments rely on the collective efforts of others for the organization’s shared success. If someone cannot be a team player, it usually adversely affects the team and the organization.

Collaboration, as a critical skill, dovetails with the “fit” concept. One must collaborate to be a team player and to fit in with the team.

The importance of collaboration cannot be overstated. It behooves you to learn how to collaborate with different people with different work styles. Such skills will be critical to your success in the workplace. We all have to work.

Now, in this context, I need to say that getting along does NOT mean going along with harmful ideas or evil people. The advice to not rock the boat is often animated by cowardice or bad management. Competent leadership and teams entertain diverse ideas and even critical ones as long as they have merits.

Be wary if someone shuts you down with “don’t rock the boat” when you raise relevant and substantive matters. Their advice may not be coming from a good place. Even if it were a friend trying to protect you from adverse organizational consequences, the point is you should note whether you are a good fit for that organization.

In my case, don’t rock the boat was a warning to not raise legal concerns in a culture of corporate noncompliance and illegalities. Literally, despite receiving a Cease & Desist Order from government regulators for years-long compliance problems, after I had successfully resolved those violations and got the Cease & Desist Order lifted, when I brought additional legal violations to the attention of the leadership, they brushed them off and cast them as “business decisions.”

Clearly, I was not a good fit for said organization. After spending months internally trying to stop the illegal and fraudulent misconducts, I went outside of the organization and reported them to government regulators, who validated my allegations after auditing the organization.

So collaborate, but be careful about going along just to get along. You are brought on board an organization for your knowledge, skills, and talents to complement the knowledge, skills, and talents of others on the team. It is your job to raise concerns where appropriate. As a matter of collaboration, know when to let it go once it has been considered, even if the outcome is not to your liking … unless, of course, what they are doing is illegal, immoral, or unethical. At that point, you must consider whether the organization is the right fit for you.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

10 years, 2 months, and 2 days. Saving starfish!

How the Oregon Coast Aquarium is saving sea stars, one animal at a time

For the last decade, marine biologists nationwide have been working to make sense of a mysterious wasting syndrome that is killing off sea stars. Now, they are getting help from the Oregon Coast Aquarium, where aquarist Tiffany Rudek has been playing her own role in addressing the crisis, quietly saving the animals one sea star at a time.

When Rudek came to the Newport aquarium three years ago, the northeast Pacific Ocean sea star population had already experienced a massive die-off in 2013 and 2014. Sunflower sea stars – among the largest in the world and whose habitat stretches from Alaska’s Aleutian Islands to Mexico’s Baja Peninsula — were listed as critically endangered in 2021.

With the exception of the bat sea stars, the aquarium saw wasting in all species of its resident sea stars. The aquarium had tried various treatments but with mixed success. So, Rudek decided to take a different approach.

“I started doing a lot of research about everything we’ve found about the syndrome so far,” Rudek said. “It was trial and error.”

Scientists don’t know what causes the Sea Star Wasting Syndrome, which often leaves sea stars a gelatinous glob. It could be bacteria, a virus, the pH levels in the water, stress, or a combination of factors. The standard treatment was antibiotics, but Rudek noticed that the antibiotics worked in some sea stars but made others worse. That got her thinking about how antibiotics can also have negative side effects, such as stomach problems, for humans. She also wondered how someone might treat an animal, such as a dog, in a similar situation.

“I was thinking, ‘What can we do that is not an antibiotic?” Rudek said. “In most cases, when the star dies, it has a secondary bacteria condition, and that compromises the immune system and kills them. I started looking at probiotics instead of antibiotics to inhibit bacteria from thriving. It doesn’t hurt their microbiome at all. We want them to have the good gut bacteria, but we don’t want it wrecked by antibiotics.”

Over the course of two years, Rudek and coworker sea jelly specialist Evonne Mochon Collura concocted a cocktail of a buffer solution, minerals and a probiotic to help prevent harmful bacteria growth and secondary infection. They started using the protocol about a year ago.

“They’re basically bathed in this little miracle solution made of everything they need to be happy,” Rudek said. “It’s worked really well. We’ve been able to treat 17 stars, and we’ve brought back 15 of them.” Three of those stars are sunflower stars. The biggest is 4 feet across when fully stretched and about 30 years old. “All three have been here before the big wasting event,” she said. “Those that were here, made it through.” In the wild, sunflower sea stars are showing up again in Canada and northern Washington, but they have not been found in Oregon or California.

The treatment also involves an iodine-based solution to kill bacteria and cillia, microscopic organisms that live everywhere in the ocean. When a sea star gets sick, the cillia move in and infest the skin, causing the characteristic “melting” of the animal.

“We give them little 10-minute baths and it will kill bacteria and cillia,” Rudek said. “Essentially, when they get sick, we dip them in that solution to get them clean. They will relax.”

Yes, relax. It seems for all their quiet ways, sea stars do communicate.

https://www.oregonlive.com/environment/2023/03/how-the-oregon-coast-aquarium-is-saving-sea-stars-one-animal-at-a-time.html

My most dearest Shosh,

I cannot help but think of you when I read the above article. Remember how you used to love starfish and we used to visit the Oregon Coast Aquarium all the time for you to see them? Remember that one time one of the aquarium volunteers tried to correct you regarding starfish and you ended up having to school him/her? LOL. You were our resident genius and so passionate about starfish, dinosaurs, and excavators … not necessarily in that order.

I often think about you and where you are today in terms of life, passion, and future goals. I cannot help but think about where you would be had our little mixed-race family not been destroyed by the vile and evil. I still remember how Ms. T and Mr. D were so impressed by you when they met you as a toddler and were a bit intimidated by how smart and articulate you were. Mr. D thanked the heavens that he wasn’t burdened with having to raise such a smart child. (I, on the other hand, thanked the heavens that I had the privilege of raising such a smart child.)

It breaks my heart that I cannot be there to help guide you to adulthood and success. One of the kids I helped just shared that he’s being recruited by one of the big consulting shops. Under my tutelage, he’s gotten paid internships with great organizations and have been expanding his skillsets as well as horizons. I’m so proud of him! He’s a great kid: very polite and very well-raised. You’d like him!

But I can’t help but wish you too would have someone to guide you and help give you direction. It saddens me greatly that despite my siblings having advanced degrees and being successful in their respective fields of endeavor, not one has stepped in to help guide you boys in my absence. Likely that is partly a function of your mother being hateful of my side of the family, but where there is a will, there is a way. They failed. Even your godparents failed you. I am sorry.

One day, we will prevail in exposing the corrupt and clearing our names, and will reunite as a family. Life is long. We will have opportunities to set you back on the right paths to success.

Until then, work hard, read widely and voraciously, and take time to get to know your professors. Don’t be afraid to ask your professors for help with respect to internship opportunities, career advice, courses, etc.! They will help. Be the type of person they’d want to help.

I am always proud of you and Jaialai!

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

10 years, 1 month, and 26 days. Happy Birthday, Jaialai!!! Now, get out of your head and into the world of the living!

(By the way, I’m not necessarily saying I endorse this book: I haven’t read it. I like the title and, apparently, it’s a bestseller.)

My most dearest Jaialai, and Shosh:

I wish for you the best of birthdays. May you know that you are loved from near and far. You are special. Know that. Embrace that. Find joy wherever and whenever possible. You have a gift with a great imagination. Use it. Be you. Be the best you possible. That is your gift to the world and your curse to those who attempted to destroy our once beautiful and joyful family.

Jaialai, it is always tough to celebrate your birthday year after year when not surrounded by all of your loved ones. It’s a dark stain on what should be a joyous occasion. Birthdays are always a stark reminder of what we have lost as a family to the vile and evil creatures who do the devil’s work in the name of goodness. May 1000 generations of their families be cursed.

I know the feeling. I, too, am alone. I am truly alone. I don’t have you kids, and haven’t seen or heard from you in more than 10 years. More recently, Ms. L was taken by the vile and corrupt when she needed to return home to attend to important personal matters. I have neither heard or seen her in months.

Most days are hard. Very hard. Impossibly hard. I literally have nothing left to lose. The arrogant fools forgot … or simply didn’t care to learn:

(James Baldwin is a brilliant thinker. You should read his books and writings to expand your horizons. Fools censure because they are afraid. Wisemen dare to read widely and explore different ideas in order to expand their horizons and improve their mental toolsets.)

Back to my situation, it has gotten slightly better over the months. Only ever so slightly. Most days, I exist on the brink of tears. The slightest trigger — a scent, a laughter, a familiar sight, a sound — can force me to fight back tears and paste a smile on my lips. But that need to not burden others with my misery often saves me from a deeper descent into the endless abyss.

For example, this morning, I had to put on a happy face to banter and joke with my hosts when they invited me to breakfast with them. We had a good time. But the moment I returned to my room, a sad tune by Nina Simone returned to haunt me. Her beautiful voice, the melodic and sad music, and the lyrics … oh how I wish I could simply turn off my mind like I could a radio, but I cannot. Not today. Not at the moment. Thus, I make haste to get out of the house, get out of my head, and get into the world of the living.

Now, I realize that this problem may not be the case for everyone. I assume people with richer imagination than mine can spend endless hours within themselves, mining the unimaginable things they find there. Others, particularly nuns living a cloistered life, can while away the hours communing with God. Unfortunately, I am not wired that way. I assume most of us aren’t either.

Thus, my lesson for you today is to get out of your head! Avoid at all costs living within yourself 24/7.

Yes, an unexamined life is not worth living, but that doesn’t mean you should spend all your time in your head. No, go within as needed from time to time to reevaluate your action, your intention, your errant analysis, etc. However, once done with the task, return to the present moment of the living.

The inherent danger of constantly living in your head is two-fold.

First, when you are down, as everyone is from time and to time and as members of our family must be given its destruction by the evil and corrupt, dark thoughts swirl within your mind, creating a vortex darkness which will swallow you whole if you let it. Like a black hole, that vortex of darkness defies the rules of gravity and works to suck you deeper within its grasp.

Avoid that at all costs! Change the scene, go for a walk, splash cold water on your face, go to the mall or library where you are surrounded by the living instead of ghosts of the past or undefined fears of the future. Immerse yourselves in the acts of the living, in life. Cook. Clean. Plant. Help the poor.

Second, as Professor B.P. once warned me at Duke University, overuse of self-analysis can land you in an endless loop. Fall into a mental rut, as it were.

Each of us have a limit mental toolset with which you use to solve problems. One of the important goals in life is to expand that mental toolbox to include as many tools of critical analysis as possible, or rely on the mental tools of those we trust. We often use the latter strategy by bouncing ideas off friends and loved one to get their honest feedback. In other words, we borrow their mental tools when we pick their brains.

Even more importantly, talking things over with others help us gain different perspectives. People often fall into a mental rut and are trapped in their own limited viewpoint. For example, a journalist friend once shared that she hated people who extolled the virtues of international travel and how it opened their minds … until she finally could afford international travel and raved about how her trip to Europe gave her fresh perspectives about life, ways of thinking, problem solving, etc.

We often fear and we hate what we don’t know or understand. Talking to others help expose us to new ideas and new approaches we had never considered or even thought to consider.

As I sit here in my room to write this post, I can hear my hosts talking to neighbors and laughing. That’s living!! That’s the opposite of us hiding out in our hidey holes and “conversing” with unknown entities from unknown corners of the world with unknown motives.

On Halloween, for example, there is always a spike in bad events because people hide behind masks to do the unthinkable if they were unmasked. That dynamic is amplified a thousandfold through the anonymity of the internet. Freaks pose as kids to chat with kids. Thieves living off the emaciated carcasses and lives of the marginalized and dispossessed, pretending to care only to line their pocketbooks. People in the devil’s employ while donning the mantel of goodness.

So, get out of your head and rejoin the world of the living.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

10 years, 1 month, and 6 days. Be ready for life — there is no dress rehearsal; it just is.

My most dearest Shosh and Jaialai:

Are you doing your best to prepare for college and life after college? Don’t try. Do.

Yes, life is about second chances, but know that there are mistakes from which it is VERY VERY VERY difficult to come back from. A smart guy I know, for example, thought he was smarter than his teachers and decided to skip college. Many years later, after a string of blue collar jobs and living off other’s largess when his money ran out, he decided to get his college degree. He’s smart enough to complete his degree and land a good job. However, his years of being a laborer and working blue collar jobs held him back once he reached management. He eventually was let go and, given his failed management experience and salary expectations, couldn’t find suitable employment.

Be present, but also be mindful of tomorrow. That doesn’t mean you spend all your time daydreaming about tomorrow. It means do your homework today so that you will be ready when tomorrow arrives.

That means, for example, stop taking jobs as a waiter or similar and ask your favorite professor of your favorite class if you work with him/her as a research assistant or lab assistant or whatever, or if he/she knew of an internship he/she could recommend. Use your time today to prepare for tomorrow. Even if that means doing an unpaid internship and taking a part-time job — even as a waiter — to gain the necessary experience and get to know relevant people who could help you find relevant opportunities in the future.

That also means don’t coast in school. Push yourself! Take challenging classes. Extend your horizons. Engage in the community through volunteerism and school activities. Get to know people. Put yourself out there! You cannot succeed as a hermit.

Do. Don’t try. Do.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

P.S., this post was animated by an article that appeared in the “Daily Mail” this morning. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11754525/Majority-recent-graduates-not-emotionally-ready-9-5-huge-numbers-blame-colleges.html.

However, this should be no surprise as studies from a decade ago found kids weren’t ready for college or career, see, e.g., https://collegepuzzle.stanford.edu/recent-high-school-graduates-say-they-are-not-prepared-for-college/; https://news.gallup.com/opinion/gallup/182867/america-no-confidence-vote-college-grads-work-readiness.aspx; https://www.pbs.org/newshour/education/colleges-enroll-students-arent-prepared-higher-education; and, https://hbr.org/2019/01/does-higher-education-still-prepare-people-for-jobs.

10 years and 9 days. Where there is a will, there is a way: the American government’s refusal to protect our women and children belies its words.

My most dearest Shosh and Jaialai:

You are not a sponge, but a sieve. Never swallow whole the shit you’re fed.

People are biased. People lie. They lie to make themselves look good, to make excuses for their failures, to grow their bases of power, etc.

Your job, as free-thinking human beings, is to sift through the garbage and get as close as you can to the truth. It’s an endless and lifelong task, so choose your battles wisely.

In the U.S., for example, we often say the children are our future. We — the people as well as the public servants paid to act on our behalf — make much hay of our great love for our children. We are a bunch of liars.

More than 190 countries around the world have paid maternity leave for working women to care for their infants. More than 190. The U.S. is not one of them. We have no paid maternity leave. Zero.

Are we Americans simply stupider than the people and governments of Bulgaria, the U.K., Poland and Chile, and unable to figure out what they have long figured out? That can’t be. For example, of the top 50 best universities in the world, nearly a third are found in the U.S. If we were by nature stupid, there would have been no support for great institutions of higher learning in the U.S.

No, the answer lies elsewhere: it lies in the fact that we don’t mean what we say. We say we value our women and children — the fairer sex and the most vulnerable — yet America has tens of thousands of rape kits that go untested and hundreds of our school children die in mass school shootings every year.

If we truly cared about protecting our women from sexual assaults — WHICH OCCURS ONCE 67 SECONDS IN THE UNITED STATES — we would religiously test every single sexual assault victim for rape and run lab tests on those rape kits immediately in order to apprehend the rapist and ensure they don’t rape anyone else. We should execute rapists. They forfeit their lives when they willfully and forcefully destroyed the lives and futures of others. I bet if rapists were held to account for the full destruction of their selfish acts, the number of sexual assaults will fall precipitously.

The likes of Brock Turner, who raped a drunk Stanford student and received A SIX MONTHS SENTENCE FROM A JUDGE, should never have happened!!! https://edition.cnn.com/2016/06/06/us/sexual-assault-brock-turner-stanford/index.html; and, https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3630103/Student-came-rescue-Stanford-rape-victim-speaks-judge-let-attacker-light-sentence.html. What message do we send to rapists when they can rape a helpless victim then thumb their noses at her, her family, her community, and her society?!!

If we truly cared about protecting our school children from gun violence — CHILDREN, BY THE WAY, WHO ARE FORCED TO BE IN SCHOOL OR FACE GOVERNMENT PUNISHMENT UNDER TRUANCY LAWS — then the increasing number of mass school shootings would never have happened!!! If we truly cared about protecting our children, more than 100 law enforcement officers who took our tax dollars and swore an oath in exchange to protect the community would never have stood around for hours while nearly two-dozen young school children bled out and died in their classrooms from gun shot wounds!!!

As Hannibal famously said, “I shall either find a way or make one.”

Are you telling me that the United States of America, the country which put people on the moon using computer technology a thousand time less sophisticated than the cell phones in our pockets today, cannot figure out how to protect our women and children from grotesque and near-daily sexual assaults and school shootings?

We are a nation of liars. It is your job to teach people how to treat you; thus, it is your job not to let people lie to you, particularly public servants who live off your tax dollars but who shirk their sworn duties to protect and serve you.

Where there’s a will, there’s a way. It’s as simple as that. Those who say they can’t simply lack the will to accomplish what they said they would accomplish. Cast not your lot with them.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

P.S., we all make mistakes, but character matters. Truth matters. It upsets me greatly that the United States Congress, the People’s House where I once worked, has accepted among its august body and has permitted onto its hallowed ground a proven and unrepentant liar. Shame on us as a country and as a people! SHAME! SHAME! SHAME!

10 years, 7 days. Every little bit counts — the benefits of 10-minute walks, a few abdominal crunches when time permits, or an extra walk up a flight of stairs each chance you get

My most dearest Shosh and Jaialai:

There is no dress rehearsal in life. You get one shot to do the right thing at each and every moment of your life — be it enjoying the beautiful vista you unexpectedly discovered on your stroll, listening attentively to your brother or a friend, reading a good book, studying for class, playing a video game while you are on break, etc.

Try to be mindful not to waste the moment — but know that daydreaming is not a waste of time and is a valuable as well as cherished part of life. And if you do end up wasting an hour doing something unproductive that you hadn’t planned on doing, don’t sweat it. Let it go and get back on track.

I’m sure you’ve heard ad nauseum about the need to exercise for 20-30 minutes each day. Too often, we find it difficult to commit to that block of time in the morning or evening and end up not exercising at all, promising to do better the morrow.

Don’t do that. Studies show a 10-minute walk here and a 10-minute walk there add up and give you similar benefits. See, e.g., https://www.huffpost.com/entry/10-minute-walk-benefits_l_63a0ad0ae4b03e2cc502ba16. So take that walk around the block and climb those stairs. Just try to do that 2-3 times per day. If you can’t, at least you got the 10-minute in and that’s better than nothing. Try to do better next time.

That’s the secret sauce to life, isn’t it — continuous incremental improvement? People are unrealistic when they think they can go from sitting for hours in front of the TV or laptop to running 30 minutes everyday without fail simply because it’s their New Year’s Resolution.

Bad habits are hard to break, and good habits are hard to make. Mistakes will happen. Don’t beat yourself up each time you make a mistake. Learn from the mistake (i.e., what triggered it, what were your thought processes, what were the environmental factors, etc.), then let it go. Only fools repeat mistakes ad nauseum.

Let your tomorrows be better than your yesterdays. Start that journey with a healthier you for without health, you are challenged to accomplish most things.

Be well. Find joy in each moment, be it in the simple fact that you are breathing clean air and have a full stomach when many are deprived of even these comforts.

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

10 years and 3 days. Live well: eat healthy, read good stuff to nourish your mind, and slow down to pray and spend time with people and with nature to nourish your soul.

My most dearest Shosh and Jaialai:

We’ve lost a decade to fascist thugs who pose as public servants and abuse under color of authority. Such is the state of America today. We cannot be a great nation if we permit to power the very authoritarian government figures our forebears fought against.

No matter what happens, the persecution and destruction of our family by racist government thugs who abuse under color of authority will end this year. Until then, live well, stay healthy, strive to become the best possible version of you. You owe that to yourselves and to the world.

As numerous Bible stories have long foretold, when we meet our Maker, we’ll be judged upon what we have done with our lives and with the gifts we had been given. How will you answer? Will you say, “Here, I did my best with my talents and kicked ass helping the least of my brothers and sisters and making the world a better place” or “I was timid and scared, so I mostly hid from life, going through the motions of living and doing only what I needed to survive”?

In the Bible Story of the Three Servants, the first two who did their best were embraced and rewarded, while the third who wasted his talents was thrown outside the gate where he wailed and gnashed his teeth. (I think that’s the funniest image, by the way: some guy wailing and gnashing his teeth — who gnashes their teeth nowadays?)

The point is, to whom much is given, much is expected. Give back in the service of others. Happiness will ensue. As stated previously, it is a fool’s errand to chase after things or experiences that will supposedly make YOU happy: our brains are hard-wired to adapt, and you’ll soon tire of that having that new watch you’ve always wanted or playing that video game you’ve been eyeing. What’s new and novel becomes normal and routine in very short order. We are bottomless pits, destined to forever by unsatiated, if we pursue adrenaline rushes or material things.

On the other hand, I promise it will bring you immense joy to help others, especially if you do it for the sake of helping as the primary motive, not to make yourself look good, not to pad your resume, not to impress others by putting on a show and a false front for them. The world has more than enough of users masquerading as generous and good people — those who take food off the tables of the poor behind gain superiority over them, etc.

But, in order to be able to fully use your talents in the service of others, you must first take care of yourselves. Feed your body, your mind, and your soul good stuff. Avoid excesses, especially with respect to that which is convenient and devoid of true value e.g., fast food, fair weather “friends” and false gods like fame, online “friends” and money. Note, we need not be zealots and self-flagellate because we ate that entire bag of Doritos (God, I miss those!) or partied with acquaintances, but do not give yourself wholly to such empty pursuits. Aspire for better.

Eat healthy. Eat lots of fresh fruits and vegetables, and eat fish at least once a week. Cut down on ultra-processed foods and sweets, especially things loaded with high-fructose corn syrup.

Feed your mind good stuff. Read the classics and avoid overindulging on junk. Read news from reputable sources from different countries and, again, avoid junk and yellow journalism. Read widely and voraciously. You will never have enough time to make all the possible mistakes in life in order to learn from your mistakes, so learn from the lessons and mistakes of others throughout the ages. Yes, read Ludlum, Rowling, or whoever else you wish as the need for lighter fare arises, but again do not give yourself fully to such empty pursuits.

Pray and feed your soul good stuff. Don’t overburden yourself with the negative. Yes, life can suck and often does. Man suffers — from fools to hunger and loneliness — but don’t embrace the suck at the exclusion of the miracles that surround us. Birds chirping at day break. A cool breeze. Baby’s breath. Good chocolate. Snow. Sand and surf and the roar of ocean. People who truly love you and are willing to make you a priority regardless of blood ties.

Ask God to help you accept what you cannot change, and courage to change the things you can. Remember, your voice matters, especially when joined with those of others. For example, until the community at large engaged in widespread protests on the streets and on-line to hold George Floyd’s murderer responsible, the police had gotten away for years when they maimed or murdered people like Freddie Gray and countless others.

Do good deeds. Believe in something greater than yourselves. Work towards something more beautiful, be it a garden, a poem, a story, an app, or a life breathed a little bit easier because of you.

Most importantly, live fully. Don’t wait. Go forth and create beauty and opportunities for yourselves and others now.

There is beauty in kindness. Be more kind than necessary, especially to each other. You are your brother’s keeper. Until we next meet

All my love, always and forever,

Dad

P.S., I leave you with Ralph Waldo Emerson’s definition of success and Teddy Roosevelt’s quote from his speech at the Sorbonne. They have long guided me and given me comfort. I hope their words and visions will help you as well.