Dearest Shosh and Jaialai:
Always remember, words are cheap. Anyone can talk. Any fool can run his mouth. Any slimy salesman can tell you what you want to hear. (Because life is about interactions with others, most of the time, someone is trying to sell you some thing or idea.) Don’t pay them heed. Watch what they do.
Those of caliber and worth will reveal themselves by their actions. Their opposites will do likewise. Watch what people do. Then, choose your company accordingly.
Let me give you a very concrete example. Your mother claims she has your best interest at heart, yet during the more than one year in which I paid out-of-pocket for you to see a child therapist weekly to help you deal with both the divorce and your grandmother’s death, I debriefed with the therapist AFTER EACH SESSION to discuss how I could help support you based on that week’s session. Guess how often your mother met with your therapist? ONCE. Yes, once in a year and a half.
After you went through a particularly rough period because the divorce was heating up, your therapist made repeated and months long requests to meet with your mom to discuss how your mom could support you. Do you know your mom’s response? No. After repeated requests, your mom told us she couldn’t afford the fees for such debriefing. That sounds reasonable enough, right? However, according to bank records your mom filed during the divorce proceedings, SHE SPENT MORE THAN $900 A MONTH ON EATING OUT EVERY DAY. Coffee at Starbucks, lunches at local restaurants, etc., add up. YET, SHE SAID SHE COULDN’T AFFORD THE $30-$60 TO MEET WITH YOUR CHILD THERAPIST TO DISCUSS HOW TO HELP YOU. Yes, that’s having your best interest at heart. (Don’t take my word for it. When we get together, you can see the documents for yourself.) She loves you — never doubt that — but, apparently, not enough to sacrifice her Starbucks caramel macchiato and her lunches.
Watch what people do. Don’t put your faith in what they say.
All my love, always,