What amazes me is how far some people will go to justify their behavior to themselves, just to preserve that self-perception.
My dearest Shosh and Jaialai:
I’ve missed you. Lots.
But, I can’t say I thought about you everyday. I cannot. In the first few years, it was impossible for me to think about you without falling apart.
Whenever I focused on you boys and how we are apart, I became enraged at the injustice of it all. I lost you guys because Child Protective Services collaborated with a known pedophile to frame me for child abuse, and worked to place the boy in question with the pedophile as his foster parent. Me … who volunteered with Legal Aid to help protect women and children from domestic violence, who lead efforts to protect children from two local public schools by persuading a local church to relocate its ministry which brought 120 convicted sex offenders and other convicted criminals to meet several times each with within mere steps from one elementary school and a football field away from a second!!!
Thoughts of you took me to very dark, cold, and lonely places in my mind and in my heart. When there, I simply want to lay down and die. The pain of your absence was too much to bear.
But, I can’t die. I must live to fight to clear my name, and reunite us. I trained myself to shift my focus to more mundane things whenever thoughts of you threatened to overwhelm me.
I had a recent scare when I thought I had trained myself too well, and was not thinking about you at all. But, that fear is unfounded. I could no more not think about you than not breathe air or soak in the warmth of the sun. I love you so much, and I miss you greatly.
Hang in there. I fight on. One day, our story will be told and those who lied to advance their evil agenda will be exposed for the entire world to see.
All my love,