3 years, 5 months, and 14 days. I’ve missed you.

What amazes me is how far some people will go to justify their behavior to themselves, just to preserve that self-perception.  

My dearest Shosh and Jaialai:

I’ve missed you.  Lots.

But, I can’t say I thought about you everyday.  I cannot.  In the first few years, it was impossible for me to think about you without falling apart.

Whenever I focused on you boys and how we are apart, I became enraged at the injustice of it all.  I lost you guys because Child Protective Services collaborated with a known pedophile to frame me for child abuse, and worked to place the boy in question with the pedophile as his foster parent. Me … who volunteered with Legal Aid to help protect women and children from domestic violence, who lead efforts to protect children from two local public schools by persuading a local church to relocate its ministry which brought 120 convicted sex offenders and other convicted criminals to meet several times each with within mere steps from one elementary school and a football field away from a second!!!

Thoughts of you took me to very dark, cold, and lonely places in my mind and in my heart.  When there,  I simply want to lay down and die. The pain of your absence was too much to bear.

But, I can’t die.  I must live to fight to clear my name, and reunite us.  I trained myself to shift my focus to more mundane things whenever thoughts of you threatened to overwhelm me.

I had a recent scare when I thought I had trained myself too well, and was not thinking about you at all.  But, that fear is unfounded.  I could no more not think about you than not breathe air or soak in the warmth of the sun. I love you so much, and I miss you greatly.

Hang in there.  I fight on.  One day, our story will be told and those who lied to advance their evil agenda will be exposed for the entire world to see.

All my love,

Dad

 

 

 

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