3 years, 5 months, and 14 days. I’ve missed you.

What amazes me is how far some people will go to justify their behavior to themselves, just to preserve that self-perception.  

My dearest Shosh and Jaialai:

I’ve missed you.  Lots.

But, I can’t say I thought about you everyday.  I cannot.  In the first few years, it was impossible for me to think about you without falling apart.

Whenever I focused on you boys and how we are apart, I became enraged at the injustice of it all.  I lost you guys because Child Protective Services collaborated with a known pedophile to frame me for child abuse, and worked to place the boy in question with the pedophile as his foster parent. Me … who volunteered with Legal Aid to help protect women and children from domestic violence, who lead efforts to protect children from two local public schools by persuading a local church to relocate its ministry which brought 120 convicted sex offenders and other convicted criminals to meet several times each with within mere steps from one elementary school and a football field away from a second!!!

Thoughts of you took me to very dark, cold, and lonely places in my mind and in my heart.  When there,  I simply want to lay down and die. The pain of your absence was too much to bear.

But, I can’t die.  I must live to fight to clear my name, and reunite us.  I trained myself to shift my focus to more mundane things whenever thoughts of you threatened to overwhelm me.

I had a recent scare when I thought I had trained myself too well, and was not thinking about you at all.  But, that fear is unfounded.  I could no more not think about you than not breathe air or soak in the warmth of the sun. I love you so much, and I miss you greatly.

Hang in there.  I fight on.  One day, our story will be told and those who lied to advance their evil agenda will be exposed for the entire world to see.

All my love,






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